It Ended in Silence It Started with Screaming
by Clearly Alice
Summary: Edward leaves and 10 years later runs into Bella - he got what he wanted, she doesn't remember him - but she's changed - she's not the Bella he left. Can they rekindle their broken hearts? Will Bella ever remember? All Characters you love! READ IT
1. Prologue part 1 and 2

*I'M NOT S. MEYER and I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT SAGA :)

It Ended in Silence. It Started with Screaming.

Chapter 1: Prologue

Prologue Part 1:

Bella:

"We're leaving Bella."

"Okay, where are we going?" I asked wondering why he was five feet away from me. I took a step forward and froze when he took one back. "...Edward?" I squeaked.

"You're not coming." He said bluntly, cold even. I shivered. The sun was going down and it had nothing to do with that.

"Okay...when are you coming back?" I asked wishing this wasn't heading where I knew it was.

"We won't be back." He told me almost sadly before squaring his shoulders and raising his chin again.

"Ever?" My voice cracked.

"It'll be like we never existed. You'll forget and move on."

Realization dawned on me, I shivered again, and it felt like being stabbed with icicles, "Alice already left...without saying goodbye." I stated it. This was fact.

"They all have been gone for three days."

"Why? Is this because of the birthday thing? Or...the James thing?" It hurt me to say it, the memories of that night with James were still very real and haunting me...but Jasper attacking me was not a big deal - it comes with the territory of being in love with a family of vampires. I can take it. I put myself in that position, I had to take it.

He surprised me shaking his head, "Neither. It's me."

I laughed hysterically now, yeah right, "Do not try this 'it's not you it's me' thing with me Edward!"

"Fine... It's you Bella."

I froze. A gasp of air escaped me. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, trampled by horses and hit by a truck all simultaneously. I was crying now, I couldn't help it. From the moment I met Edward and we began this relationship I had been waiting for him to come to his senses. What could he possibly want with a plain girl like me? A Greek God that would be seventeen forever and a boring, klutzy child, and soon to be old woman? It was doomed from the start. The odds were against us...not just the fact that my blood sang for him, that he was constantly fighting the urge to kill me...but the fact that he was perfect and I wasn't even close. Not even a step in that direction.

"You don't want me." It wasn't a question.

"You're not good for me Bella." he told me what I already knew.

"And Alice?" I was good for Alice; we loved each other. We were like sisters. No we were sisters...so why would she leave me? Especially if she knew he would be?

"You're not good for any of us," he stated flatly. No emotion came from his voice. I believed his every word now.

Scratch my earlier statement, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, trampled by horses, hit by a truck, stabbed in the chest, had my heart ripped out and tore into pieces before he kicked dirt on it. Not only did my boyfriend not want me, but also my own best friend didn't want me around. I didn't think my plainness or humanity really bothered Alice - if anything she enjoyed it - because it meant lots of Bella Barbie times where she spent hours trying to perfect me...but she left without saying goodbye...this made sense. She didn't want me either.

I turned and headed further into the woods, I was leaving the trail and the man I loved behind me, the tears were pouring down my face and I was trying hard not to breathe. The small breaths I could manage shook my body violently - I couldn't let him see me like that. Couldn't let him know he broke me.

"Where are you going?" he called, now 10 feet away.

I didn't turn my head, I couldn't, "For a walk...it's why I came in here." I said low, but I knew he heard me.

"Wait, you're leaving just like that?" he sounded confused...almost disbelieving. Of course, he thought you'd fight him on this - not give him the freedom he so desperately craves, I thought. It made sense now, why he sucked the venom back out when James bit me. It all clicked. He didn't want me around and he knew it then - if I were turned he'd be stuck…for eternity.

"Yes. Just like that." I whispered, the only voice I could manage. Desperately trying to hide my pain.

I felt him turn me around, I hadn't even heard him approaching, "Bella! At least let me walk you home." His hand was gripping my shoulder.

I used my strength to remove his hand; it was leaving a freezing reminder in my skin of how he wasn't mine anymore. This touch was not mine, not for me. "Don't. Touch. Me." I choked out with as much ferocity as I could, his hand dropped to his side, he looked surprised. This angered me. Why the hell should he be surprised, this is what he wanted was it not?

"Bella, please, let me walk you home, you can't go into the woods alone - you don't know what's out there." he was pleading with me but there was still not emotion. It was stern almost commanding.

I looked into his eyes, they were black now and I wished my own could reflect hatred like his were...but mine were still chocolate brown...full of love. "Look Edward, I love you and I always will - it won't be like you never existed because I will never forget you... I know that I can't have it both ways - I will remember you but I won't have you. I can take it if that's what you want, but you can't make me forget. And as for what's out there - you've been saying it since the start - I'm in danger around you, the vampire is right here - inflicting his damage he warned me about - what could possibly be out there." I spat.

"Bella." his own voice broke but I was just getting started. I was angry with him now. Why couldn't he just let me leave, just like he wanted? I would only be able to fight the urge to try to make him hold me for so long.

I cut him off before he could speak anything more, "You either want me or you don't. If you do, then take me home but if you don't - fine, it was bound to happen - but if that's what you want you leave me to make my own damn decisions. You can't have it both ways either."

With that I turned on my heel and stalked further away. I chanced one last fleeting glance behind me. A last chance to memorize his golden hair, his strong chiseled body, the gorgeous jaw line and his beautiful lips

- But he was already gone.

Prologue Part 2: 10 years later.

The gorgeous vampire paused before me. His hair a bronze hue to it, his eyes a brilliant shade of butterscotch...deep and beckoning. He was wanting...but what? I mean I knew I looked pretty good being what I am, but honestly, I had seen better female's that were human...he, the epitome of the God Adonis couldn't possibly want me? I almost laughed out loud.

"Bella?"

"Isa-" I corrected.

"...Isabella?" he asked as his eyes screwed up...he looked confused.

"...Yeah...Isabella..." I said it slower for him to catch up.

"No. Bella." he stated - this time it wasn't a question.

What was with this guy? Trying to tell me my name wasn't actually my name. Trying to give me a nickname when I had just met him 11..12..13 seconds ago? "You're not too bright are you? Kind of dense? Not the sharpest tool in the shed? Wheels don't go all the way around? You're shoes don't lace all the way up? You're pants are missing their pockets?" I had a million of these and I was enjoying putting them to use until he held up his hands to stop me. I took a step back as he took one forward. His face was still screwed up, his eyebrows cocked together.

"Are you joking with me?"

Wow. Seriously! Idiot. Squinting my eyes in a mocking fashion and lifting an eyebrow up I said, "Did that really sound like I was joking...'cause you know you are kind of proving my point."

"I'm not slow Bella," he almost growled.

"Isa-" I corrected again. I said it slowly; emphasizing the three letters hoping his mind could catch up.

"What happened to you?" he asked cautiously...almost hurt.

That was a good question...


	2. End of the Beginning

Chapter 2: Beginning of the End

Bella:

"Bella. Bella. Can you hear me? Please Bella...you have to come back to us."

"I love you Bella."

"Please Bella...we need you. He needs you."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Bella you have to wake up. Fight it."

I was trying to find the face to the sounds but I couldn't see anything but the swallowing darkness. I couldn't make out the voices I was hearing. It seemed like a dream they were all so beautiful sounding - no way they could be real. I heard them none-the-less as I drifted in and out of the darkness.

Hours later...I wasn't sure...there was no clock in the darkness - I felt my body, it was still intact so I knew I wasn't dead...or at least I hoped I wasn't. Then the darkness receded a tiny bit, and that's when the pain came. I felt like a thousand tiny needles were sticking me everywhere throughout. No I wasn't dead - I am no expert but heaven didn't seem like it would be a painful place. Maybe I was...below then? No that couldn't be it...no burning flesh smell.... actually it smelt pretty good here. Sweet and citrus, I felt like it was giving me life each time I inhaled. My head was pounding, the blood was pumping with too much force, a dull beeping noise was ringing in my ear and I couldn't move my legs. They felt like a thousand pounds. I tried to move my arms. Nothing, but I keep trying. My fingers move and I find the pain recede there as a cold sensation grips me. My whole arm soothed and the pain stopped from the needles.

I knew that grip: cold, gentle but firm and smooth as marble.

I loved that grip.

That grip was bringing me to my senses.

I tried to speak. Nothing came out but a raspy sounding gargle.

"Here Bella, have some water." I heard a bell voice, twinkle in my ear, I couldn't make out the voice, and the beautiful bells had captured my attention. And I felt the hand release it's grip on my own. I tried to claw it back but it was gone. I felt some cool liquid being poured down my throat and I swallowed - I felt it sooth the aching burn in the back by my tongue. I also felt some trickle down my chin. It made me shiver. It hurt and I winced. I tried to open my eyes, one popped through the sleepy crust and then the other. I instantly shut them again - the light was too strong. I winced when I clenched my face to close my eyes; apparently it was bruised in more than one spot. I could feel it.

The cool hands were back, I felt them brush my hair back and gently brush over my cheeks. My face was held between their hands and I felt cool lips graze my forehead. I knew by the loving touch who it was.

"Alice." I murmured quietly, my throat was killing me, and it sounded very hoarse.

"Bella!" she sounded so excited that the sound hurt my ears even as beautiful as it was.

"Lights." I murmured "Bright." I said with my eyes closed still. Her hands left me and I heard a faint click and saw through my eyelids that the room had darkened. I slowly peeked. My vision blurred before it cleared. She was back and standing right beside me. I was in a bed. Hospital bed, I groaned when I realized this. I tried to smile at Alice's worried face. She looked as if she was in as much pain as I was.

"Alice?" I said trying to sit up. I felt her cool hands rush around me as the weight shifted and she was seated in the bed with me. Supporting me against her body. I was glad she was so strong because I was struggling to move my hands, let alone my entire torso. This is when I realized that I have a giant plaster cast on my leg.

"Well, that's going to be fun." I joked looking at it. I could just imagine me now trying to maneuver around at school with that beast - I could see me banging the marsh mellow leg into doorways, having it get wet and mushy in the rain and possibly having to get it recast at some point.

Alice giggled, "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye out," she said tapping her temple, relief flooded me, I loved having a future seeing best friend. "Bella. How are you feeling?" she asked brushing the hair out of my face again.

I smiled at her and started to giggle sarcastically, "Oh like I just won a beauty pageant."

"No seriously...do you want me to call for the nurse...they have been pushing painkillers into you like crazy." she told me worried.

I leaned my head on her shoulder, "That explains the drowning darkness."

She laughed this time, "You have been out for a while."

I entwined our hands and I felt her other grip me more securely around the waist, "Alice how long exactly?" I asked.

"A drug induced coma for about three and a half days."

I sighed. "Crap." He was going to be so pissed.

I felt her nod her head, "Yep." She knew whom I was thinking of and she knew he was going to be angry. Not at me but himself. It's what the brooding, love of my life, Edward did. Hate himself.

"So what happened?"

She stopped and looked down at me, "You don't remember?"

Of course I remembered. James, a nomadic vampire had tricked me into thinking he had my mother. He had chased us from Washington to Phoenix where I gallantly escaped Alice and Jasper's watchful eyes to die in my mothers place. Edward and the family showed up and saved me, but not after James had broken my body beneath him and bitten me. It burned through my arm but Edward sucked the venom out preventing the change.

"Of course I remember Alice," I said, rolling my eyes, I was pleasantly surprised when that motion didn't hurt. "I meant what's the story going to be?"

"Oh, well we told your mother that Edward, Carlisle and I came after you to convince you not to leave Forks. On the way to our hotel room you fell down two flights of stairs and a window." She told me matter-of-factly.

I thought about this, it did sound like me. "Did her and Charlie buy it?"

Alice paused and her face-hardened.

"Alice? What's wrong?" I was wary.

"Charlie isn't here. Renee told him not to come...she sort of blamed it all on him. She doesn't anymore though...totally anyways - now she blames it on Edward."

I sighed again. Of course she did. I snuggled closer to Alice wondering if this was going to turn out okay.

"She wants you to come home with her and Phil to Jacksonville Bella." She said as she hugged me close.

"I had a feeling she might." I said lamely.

"Bella...are you going to?" Alice asked quietly.

"No! Like I could ever leave you guys!"

She didn't say anything for a while. She seemed to be thinking. I reach up to touch her cheek to get her attention. "Alice...he wants me to doesn't he?" I asked sadly.

She swallowed before she looked down at me, "He's undecided...sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't."

I thought about this, of course she had seen him contemplating the decision. Alice could see the future but only when decisions are made. It's a fickle art because things can change in an instant; we all knew that too well. "Does...this look like it's going to turn out okay?" I asked timidly. I was afraid of the answer.

She smiled wide, "Bella you are alive...it already has." She was hiding something, I knew Alice like I knew myself and she wasn't being completely honest.

I rolled my eyes, "That's not what I mean."

"I know." she said sadly and held me close as the nurse came in to push more drugs into me. I tried to refuse but could feel them start to numb me again. I felt my muscles relax and my head roll forward.

"Alice, where is he?" I slurred but I never heard her answer. My eyes shut on their own and I fell asleep in her arms.

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

Alice:

I was so scared for Bella. I was so scared for Edward. I was so scared for me.

I watched the future like crazy lately, trying not to let anything slip but something had definitely slipped. Bella ended up right where my vision said she would - in James's clutches. Only when I saw the vision I held the result as a move that James would make not a move Bella would. She slipped out of my fingers at the airport and ran away from us and to what she thought was a very terrified mother. When Edward got off the plane he asked four times where Bella was before Jasper showed up without her. If my heart were still beating it would have stopped when I saw the look on Jaspers face. I knew before he opened his mouth. Bella was gone.

Edward was furious. He yelled and screamed and berated us for letting her get away. We took his hurtful words, we felt terrible that we failed him and Bella. I got another vision and this one was much more clear - Bella was being bitten by James.

When Edward saw my vision in his own head he flew off the handle. Jasper tried to calm him using his gift of manipulating emotions and Edward shook him off. He asked me over and over again where that vision was. I told him I didn't know, but I had an idea. I just hoped like hell I was right.

We took off, leaving the airport at a human run before kicking it into high gear just outside the doors and views of security. We sped off to find a vehicle, Edward hot-wired it start for 'borrowing' it and we found the studio. James's scent was wafting out from inside and when we got there we heard the sickening snap of Bella's leg and the beginnings of his attack.

Jasper and our other brother Emmett finished him off. I tried to help Carlisle with Bella; her leg was bleeding out everywhere. I didn't want to leave her side but eventually the smell was too great - I had to leave her. Edward and Carlisle stayed and saved her life. We were too late - James had already bitten her but Edward fought his inner demons and sucked the poison out. Bella remained human and we got her to the hospital just in time.

When I knew she would pull through I called Renee and talked her through our story before speeding off to the hotel and fabricated some evidence. Broke a window smeared some of Bella's blood and I even burned down the ballet studio with James's remains inside. As I was doing this I thought I saw his mate Victoria but I couldn't be sure...I was in too much of a hurry to get back to Bella. I decided I would keep an eye on her in my visions should she come for us.

Edward, Renee and I all traded being at Bella's bedside throughout her medicated sleep. Renee tried to stay in the room while Edward was in there but I managed to convince her to leave so I could talk to her. I told her Bella and I were best friends and she warmed up to me instantly. I could tell she liked me and I hadn't even had to use my vampire charms on her. Renee asked me about our family and Bella's relationship with Edward. She was definitely worried about the seriousness. I decided to tell her the truth - well not the truth but as close as I could get. I told her that Bella and Edward were a couple and they loved each other very much, so much that it scared her and she feared for an end like her parents and that's why she ran. I told her that Bella was a part of this family and when she left we had to go after her. We all loved her - not just Edward.

Renee was a pleasant woman, not like Bella at all really...except for the pleasant part. Renee was flighty and erratic where Bella was actually more mature than her and grounded. Bella also really took after Charlie; in the looks department, I could see it in her curls and her nose and Bella was headstrong and levelheaded like her father. From what I could tell Renee gave Bella her kind heart and body.

When Renee mentioned brining Bella to Jacksonville it took all of my strength not to slap her silly. She didn't have any idea what that would do to us, to me... Not to mention Edward. He was thinking about asking her to go but I knew it wouldn't work out...they were connected as much as Jasper and I were...if one left the other would fall apart. It would actually destroy us all and I knew it. It would destroy Bella...she wouldn't want to go and forcing her would cause some sort of rebellion on her part. I feared for her safety.

But it also wasn't my place. I tried to tell Edward what it meant if he was to let her go. He countered with the fact that I had to leave Bella when she was bleeding out and that made me doubt myself and my visions - Bella would be safer...well as safe as the danger magnet can get but she wouldn't be in danger from us or our kind anymore at least.

When she finally came out of her coma I could still smell the drugs in her system but they were fading. I knew she would wake soon so I began to speak to her. I told her I loved her and that I needed her. I couldn't be sure if she heard me but her face twitched when I said it.

I waited for her to come to. And when she did a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Bella was going to be okay.

We spoke of the public story and I was relieved to see that Bella approved - you had to admit - it did sound like something she would do. Silly Bella. She was worried about Edward and what was going to happen next. I couldn't tell her because no decision had been made and I felt useless not being able to tell her anything reassuring. The only good I was doing was holding her tight and trying to convince her when I myself needed some convincing. I didn't like where Edward's head was leading him. He wanted to leave poor Bella and he was leaning more and more towards confirming that decision. His hope was faltering because he hadn't spoken to her in so long. I knew it and he was too stubborn to know it. He wanted Bella to listen to Renee and go away, stay far away from him.

I wasn't sure I would let it happen.

I couldn't just leave Bella like that could I?

I told Bella he was hunting but I wasn't sure she heard me. Her head had already sagged in my arms and he tongue was hanging out on the left side. I couldn't help but take a snap of it with my cell phone. She could kill me later...

I sat back silently laughing and waiting for her to be okay to go home. A couple more days and she could leave...

Only problem now was...where would home be for her?

Edward:

Bella still hadn't woken. I spent every hour of the day at hearing range from her waiting for a sign of life. There was none but the beeping machines telling me her heart was pumping. That was good...if James had of succeeded in turning Bella she wouldn't have a pulse. She would be as dead as the rest of us. A monster doomed to walk this earth for eternity.

I smiled as I thought of myself as a monster. It had really been so long since I had last. Bella was constantly telling me I was more human than the boys at school, that I was loving and selfless... Somewhere along the line I started to believe her.

How stupid was I?

I am a monster. A full-blown blood-sucking demon from hell.

A monster that lets the woman I love spend every day with vampires for God sake! That's not love...that's a sick twisted game! Playing with her life like that - having it almost ripped from her everyday.

I was terrible.

I chuckled darkly as I thought of what my Bella would say to me if she knew what I was thinking...she would scold me and wag her little finger as she tried to be angry. Adorable. She would tell me to smarten up, to not say things like that to her and to try to love myself as she did. She would never love a monster she had told me once.

She would if I had fooled her.

I believed I did.

Did I? Do I?

My feelings for her are real. I know them to be true because the entire time I was driving to locate Bella I told myself if she were dead there would be no point in living. I would find a way to kill myself. Or at the very least have someone do it for me. There was a family in Italy that could help me with that...all I had to do was piss them off first. I swore to myself in the front seat of that car that if I found her lifeless body I would kill James myself and then book a one-way ticket to Volturra Italy.

It was a good plan.

It got a slap in the head from Alice as I made my decision but it was still a good plan.

Three days I had been here. Three days of pity looks from my family. Three days of hateful glares from Bella's mother. Three days without hearing my angels voice. Three days of black eyes. Three days of burning thirst. Three days of self-loathing beyond any I had done before.

It was torture.

Seeing Bella confined to a bed. Lifeless and with tubes sticking out of her, a cast on her leg and bandages covering her beautiful body was pure hell. I had put her here. Not physically - that was James but my involvement landed her in this place. This place of sickness and death.

My sweet innocent Bella. She should leave; she should go with Renee and leave me. I deserved it and she deserves life. If there was one thing I had given her in our relationship - it was that - life. I had sucked James's venom out, preserved her soul and humanity - I had promised her a future.

It should very well be without me.

But could I do it? Could I let her freely walk out of my life?

If she wanted to - Yes. I would do what she wanted as long as it was what's best for her.

Including live apart.

I suppressed a shutter as I thought about being apart from her again. Maybe I could be away but always lurking in the shadows...watching over her in case she needed my help. But could I resist never making contact when she was right in front of me? Doubtful. I had all the self-control I needed to quiet the monster within me that wanted her blood but I highly doubted the self-control I had on my human side. Never being in contact again while I was in the shadows behind her would never be a successful solution. Plus if she ever found out she would hate me. I couldn't take Bella hating me. No. This was no good. I had to come up with something...

I went through my options for the eighteenth time that hour:

- Renee taking Bella to Jacksonville.

- Staying with her

- Me leaving if she wouldn't

- Staying with her

- Restraining Alice with my Volvo to keep her from Bella when we left

- Staying with her

- Handcuffing Bella to Renee to keep her from coming back to us

- Or staying with her

I shook my head. This was useless. I was getting nowhere and I knew where I wanted me to end up: Right beside her with her in my arms. The love of my life that I waited over a hundred years for. My Bella...could I go a hundred more without her again?

I actually shivered this time as I thought about it...before I had met Bella I had been the odd man out. Never missing what I didn't have. Watching my siblings and parents fall in love everyday with each other never bothered me. I was blissfully ignorant. But Bella had opened my eyes, a whole new world of possibilities flew through my head every second of everyday I could call her mine. The world shone before me where before it was dull and lifeless - colours had new meaning, songs made more sense, my family was complete and life was good.

I growled at my thoughts. I was so selfish. Always thinking of myself and my new found happiness and putting Bella in danger. Even when she is injured and in a coma I'm still selfishly thinking of my wants, needs and desires. I really am a monster.

"Dude quit sulking and lets eat!" my burly brother Emmett yelled down the hall receiving many angry glares and lustful thoughts from the female receptionists.

I almost tore him apart right then before I felt Jasper's calming wave hit me. I nodded my thanks...killing a vampire in the Phoenix hospital would not be a wise decision. Not that I had been very wise lately...

"She'll be fine Edward. Alice is with her." Jasper told me as he got up from my side, I calmed when I thought of Alice being with Bella. They loved each other very much. "She'll keep us posted and we'll be back by tonight, you can't keep going without hunting like this...you're eyes are black and you're scaring the humans man."

I rolled my eyes and allowed him to help me out of my chair. It creaked beneath me as my weight finally left it. I had been sitting there going on eight hours now. I silently wished that there was a large mountain lion near by and I hoped it would be some sort of a challenge to catch. I needed to let my aggression out.


	3. Love Will Keep Us Together

Chapter 3: Love will keep us together

Bella:

The next time I woke up I was not in Alice's embrace anymore. In fact her cold body was no longer in the room. My mother was there.

I winced as I stretched my stiff body letting her know I was awake again.

"Oh Bella sweetie!" she screamed in my ear as she hugged me.

I hugged her back, genuinely happy to see her too. Genuinely happy to see her safe and untouched by James. When she didn't release me however I began to think back to what Alice told me about her talk with Renee. "Mom I need air." She could be suffocating at times that had nothing to do with her hugging me tightly. I just wanted her to back off a bit. I was still a little sour about her contemplating my moving to Jacksonville - she put the idea in Edward's head and I wanted it out.

"Sorry sweetie, are you okay?" she asked as she backed off into her chair again.

"Fine mom." I said gesturing to my broken body. Still alive anyways.

"No pain?"

I looked up at her and cocked my eyebrows...I was bandaged nearly head to toe with IV's and tubes going in and out of me..."No pain mom." I lied. She didn't need to know the gory details. The beautiful thing about my mother was that at times she could be too observant, almost annoyingly so and at others she could be completely oblivious. I liked that she was being the fool now. It would help me explain what I wanted, the less she knew about the pain the better this would go.

"I'm not going to Jacksonville." I told her with as much force in my voice as I could manage.

"Bella, I think it would be best." her voice was hesitant and concerned.

I shook my head, leaving Forks would not be best, "No mom. It wouldn't. I have to go to Forks - it's my home."

"But you hate the rain!"

"It grows on you. Besides, I can't leave Charlie all alone like that - he can't cook anything but grilled cheese and steak."

She nodded and I knew she was coming around - she knew Charlie as well as I did - he was a terrible eater. "Are you sure about that? You're going for Charlie and not for...him," she asked.

"His name is Edward and yes I'm going for Charlie and staying for Charlie but mom, I'm also staying for Edward and I'm staying for Alice. They're part of my family. I love them all."

She nodded slowly thinking about what I was saying.

"Um…not that I'm not happy to see you but where is Edward? And Alice?" I added when I saw Renee's brow furrow at the mention of his name. I noticed her look lightened when I mentioned Alice - I'd have to remember that for later.

"They are outside in the hallway," she almost growled.

"Mom. Look, this was not his fault, at all! You know me - the danger magnet remember? I fall on flat surfaces! Stairs are practically a deathtrap, this is not his fault." I told her and I knew he was listening so I made sure I emphasized the 'not his fault' part.

"Bella...he's in love with you." she whispered, like it was a secret.

I laughed that she thought he couldn't hear her, "Thanks captain obvious - I figured that one out all by myself." I said sarcastically.

"No Bella...like in love you should see the way he looks at you in here. I tried not to peek but I had to - he's very watchful of you. Very worried. Like his whole world is you."

I couldn't help but beam at the mention of his world - he was mine too. "I know that mom and I like that about him - my safety and happiness is number one on his list" I didn't lie - this was true.

"So...how do you feel about him?"

"Didn't Alice tell you?" I asked suspiciously.

"She did. But I want to hear it from you...you've never had a boyfriend before Bella." She said this as if I didn't know.

I rolled my eyes, "Thanks for reminding me. Edward is special. I love him mom, I'm kind of absolutely crazy about him."

She perked up as she heard this, I was glad I didn't mention that he was my whole life...it would have scared her - what I said was a typical teenage reaction. "Ohhh Bella I'm happy for you...I am! Do we need to have the sex talk!?" she asked me excitedly.

"NO! Mom! God no. I still remember it vividly from when I was ten and you showed me with the Barbie's... let's never go there again." I whined in embarrassment and hid my face in my hands. "Besides, it's not like that with us."

I felt her hand on my head, "Okay Bella but I still have the Barbie's." she joked "Just in case." and gave me a wink as I looked up. I felt the heat rise and pool in my cheeks.

"Can I...see him?" I asked quietly, "Please mom."

She smiled and I knew I would get what I wanted. "Okay sweetie, I have to call Phil anyways - he had to stay behind for his games."

I nodded and waited as she left the room.

The door didn't completely shut before Edward's gorgeous body was waltzing quickly to my side, if I had of blinked I would have missed it.

"Bella!" He said relieved as he grabbed my hands and kissed them. His cold marble skin almost matching the soft warmth of mine.

"Edward." I sighed in relief. This was all the medication I needed. "I missed you." I told him truthfully allowing his sad eyes capture mine. I heard the heart monitor pick up the pace, as he got closer. My cheeks flooded again with blood. It was embarrassing considering the vampire family waiting outside could now hear with evidence what he did to me.

He kissed me on the cheek and my hands grabbed his face. I pulled him to my lips and felt myself smile against him. "Hi." I said stupidly.

"I missed you too love." he said pulling back and sitting on the chair my mom had before. His hands entwined with mine again and an electric shock went through my arm. I missed that sensation.

I just sat there and stared at him. Taking in every feature and committing it to memory. His beautifully liquid topaz eyes, deep as the ocean and glittering, his silky messy hair, his marble skin. I heard myself sigh in contentment. His smell was even better - spicy and sweet...manly and gorgeous.

"So...Barbie's huh?" he said.

I snapped out of my observations, my heart monitor beeped even faster and I raised my hands to my face to cover up the blush. He surprised me by pulling my hands away, "Please love, it's been too long since I've seen you're beautiful face turn that colour. Don't hide it."

I gave in and I smiled. He was so elegant and perfect.

Like I would deny him what he wanted.

Annnnd thinking like that caused me to blush again.

"So when are we going home?" I asked, "When are you breaking me out of here."

He stiffened when I mentioned home, marginally but he did - and I knew why. This was a conversation I'd rather not have right now...but we would be having it anyways so I shrewdly looked at him and began to judge his reactions. "Bella..." he started.

"Forks is my home Edward." I cut him off.

"I think you should think about going with your mother." he told me flatly. I could tell it hurt him to say it. I think it did anyways; he was a very good actor sometimes, with a hundred years of practice and all.

"No. I thought about it and it was not something I wish to think about anymore. Just thinking about it hurt. More than I care to admit." I said quietly but still strong. All of this was true and he had to know.

"Yes it will hurt but Bella your safety is what matters...and I think you might be safer away from us. Away from me."

I shook my head, it hurt but I kept doing it, tears were falling now and I couldn't help them - my frustrated tears my mother called them - they used to appear frequently, "No. You can't make me."

"Then we'll just-"

"YOU CAN NOT LEAVE EITHER!" I yelled too loudly as I cut him off.

"Bella, would you please keep your voice down." He hissed and I was frightened at the violent look his face got, but then it softened, "You need to stay away from us, look at you. A mess. All because of me." He ran his hand through his hair and withdrew the other from my hand. I clawed after it but he was too quick. "I'm a monster Bella. You almost died. You should be left a life without us in it - it's the least we can do."

"Edward Cullen. How many times do I have to tell you that you are not a monster?" I sighed and let my voice soften, I really hated when he hated himself like that, "Some of your kind are, James for instance, he was a monster, violent, cruel and unlovable. You are completely opposite of him - can't you see that? You are not violent - there has never been a time when you have hurt me, every touch is gentle and loving. You are not cruel either - you put aside your thirst everyday and live with humans, never succumbing to it and feeding on animals. There are many things you are Edward, kind, generous, beautiful, intelligent, selfless, loving, the love of my life - but you are in no way a monster."

He looked down ashamed, "How can you be so trusting, so forgiving when I fight the urge to suck your body dry of it's blood source?"

"You would never hurt me." I said scooting in the bed, ignoring the pain and pulling of the IV's, I reached out my hand and cupped his cheek.

His face softened at my touch and he looked into my eyes, "Bella."

"No, I don't want to hear this kind of talk anymore, you can't leave me." I said pulling him into the bed with me. I wanted him to hold me and he complied. His strong arms wrapped around me and I snuggled into his chest as his nose buried into my hair.

"We'll stay as long as it's what's best for you," he told me as he inhaled my scent.

"You can't help who you are Edward." I told him kissing his chest, "And that's always what's best for me."

I didn't hear anything in response from him except, "I love you." and my incoherent slurs as I fell asleep in his arms.

Sixteen hour drive home to Forks.

Sixteen hours in a pitch black Mercedes driving at speeds I'm not even comfortable mentioning to Forks.

Sixteen hours in a death car with four vampires who never have to pee.

I had to pee however and eat and pee some more and every time I mentioned the human needs my face would flush.

Why hadn't Edward just let me change? That would make this car ride so much more enjoyable.

Upon mentioning this fact I was growled at and I promptly made a mental note to try to refrain from mentioning said change. "It was not going to happen." I was told. More than once.

Edward and Alice traded sitting with me while Jasper drove. I slept most of it waking every so often to pee or eat and wipe my drool stains off their leg. I was incredibly glad Emmett was not around for this car ride, I was certain with the amount of times I had blushed he would have said something to make it a permanent effect.

As I thought of Emmett my thoughts made their way to his wife, Rose. I was nervous to see Rosalie again. Before we left on our runaway mission she questioned the need to save my life. I had not forgotten and I'm sure Edward hadn't either. I was immensely grateful of Rosalie, she had stayed and watched over Charlie with Esme for me, I wished she knew that. When I mentioned her Alice only told me that she was glad we were all right. I couldn't help but wonder if I was actually included in the 'we' she mentioned. I doubted it.

Esme, Edward's mother in ever sense except biological...just thinking about her made me happy. She was gorgeous of course, all of the Cullen Vampires were but Esme was more just like them all. Esme was the mother I wished mine could be, with Renee I had always been the parent figure but with Esme I felt like the child and I enjoyed the feeling, I enjoyed having her looking out for me. I loved her embraces and I loved her as if she were my own.

When Edward woke me I found us parked out front of Charlie's house. I took a deep breath, "What's he thinking?" I asked Edward.

"He hasn't noticed our arrival yet, love."

I sighed, "Awesome." I entwined our fingers, "You're not going to give me any heads up for facing him?"

He smiled and laughed lightly, "Bella, he'll be glad you're okay. I'm sure he will be more angry with me anyways."

"Are you coming in with me?"

"Would you like me to?"

I thought about this. Facing Charlie after I lied and told him I had to leave Forks because of Edward. I had told him I was going to fall to hard for Edward and end up stuck in this town like mother. I knew I had hurt him when I said it - but it was the only thing I could to make him let me go.

"I really hurt him." I said.

"Charlie's tough, he'll survive Bella." Edward told me as he placed a kiss on my forehead, the next thing I knew he was outside my door opening it for me.

"I said the same thing my mother did when she left." I pressed.

"You had no choice. It was for his protection, you're home now, and that's what he'll care about."

"Would you come in with me?"

"All you had to do was ask." Edward smiled and helped me out of my seat. The cast was huge and bulky but he managed to maneuver me so I didn't look as completely ungraceful as I felt. He handed me my crutches and I began to hobble to the front door.

I reached my hand forward and felt Edward's cool touch on my shoulder, "You live here love." he whispered.

I looked confusedly to my balled up fist and blushed. I almost knocked on my own front door. Ignoring the reddening face Edward opened the door for me. "Charlie?" I called, grimacing and quickly trying to cover up my mistake, "Dad!?" Why was I so nervous?

"Bells?" I heard his gruff voice and then the creaking sound of the couch springs as he got up and came to the door.

"Bells! You're home early!" and he gathered me in an awkward hug.

I hugged him back fiercely trying to convey my apology through touch, "I'm so sorry dad."

"Gee Bells, I'm not mad a you." he said into my hair as he patted my back and pulled away. I couldn't help but notice the emphasis on the 'you' part - Edward was right, Charlie was holding a grudge...just not at me.

"Dad." I said about to scold him but Edward cut me off.

"Chief Swan, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. Bella's safety is number one on my list...my father and I went to speak with her...if I had of known she would fall down the stairs I wouldn't have let..."

But Edward never finished, "You fell down the stairs?" Charlie asked me, he seemed confused.

"Is that so hard to believe?" I countered, not wanting to lie to Charlie again.

He thought about that and grinned sheepishly, "I guess not. Gee Bells, your mom told the story like he pushed you down the stairs!"

I cringed as I saw anger and self-loathing flash on Edward's face, I laced my hand into his to try to calm him down, soothe him if I could. He took and unneeded breath and continued his apology to Charlie, "Sir, again, I'm deeply sorry for what my actions caused."

Charlie appraised Edward for a moment and his demeanor softened he held out a hand to shake Edward's, "Nonsense, she's home now. I don't know what would have happened if you and your father weren't there to save her son."

I realized I was holding my breath and released it when they shook hands.

Charlie looked down at his hand when he released Edward's, "Gee is it that cold out there tonight?" he asked confused.

"Yep. Pretty chilly." I said poorly covering up Edward's normal body temperature by rubbing my forearm in an attempt to "warm it" from outside. It seemed to work on Charlie, he turned back towards the TV room and Edward and I followed. More than once Edward had to catch me when one of the crutches would get caught on the floor or wall. "Hey dad, um, Alice is going to be moving in for a little while if that's okay." I said when I was seated in the room.

I saw his face brighten at Alice's name, he loved Alice, how could he not, she was able to charm anyone that set eyes on the spiky haired pixie. "Moving in?" he asked as he sat down.

"Yeah...she um, well she's going to be helping me..." I said awkwardly gesturing to my giant cast and face reddening, right on queue, I thought bitterly. I was going to need help showering.

Charlie caught on pretty quick. "Right. Well that's just fine then." Relief flooded his face knowing he wouldn't have to help an almost adult daughter in the shower. My face reddened even more as I thought about it, this was going to be awkward enough with just me and Alice trying to work it out. I was not looking forward to the next few weeks.

And oddly enough, the next few weeks were the best of my life.

Originally, I was lamenting their coming but they ended up being pretty damn awesome.

Alice and Edward alternated staying with me at night. On nights when Edward stayed I would sleep soundly in his arms, wrapped in my blankets. He would sneak in at night when Charlie would say goodnight to Alice and he and I would sneak out before she came back in the morning. On nights when Alice stayed I slept just as soundly with her beside me. Usually she read while I slept and documented my sleep talking to embarrass me to no end in the morning. The one rule we had was that she had to inform me of what I said before she shared them for a laugh with Emmett and I retained veto power over them.

Alice was there promptly every morning to help me shower and get ready for school - whether she stayed or not and the whole family, minus Rosalie, were all chipping in at school to get me through the days with as little number of accidents possible.

"Seriously Alice, I don't know what I would have done without you these past few weeks." I said hugging her one-day.

"Bella, it was fun actually, I was glad I could help. Makes me feel like a human being there for you like that."

"Alice you're more human than you give yourself credit for, my best-friend in the whole entire universe." I had told her sincerely.

"Above the unicorns you mentioned in last nights sleep?" she quipped laughing and bumping my shoulder.

I promptly vetoed that topic from Emmett.

And now it was summer. My cast was off since yesterday and today I had gone swimming with the entire Cullen family in a secluded spot on one of the beaches outside Forks, where exactly I wasn't sure. It was a rare sunny day and the beach was so inaccessible that I had to be carried on Edward's back to get there - we had no worries of being spotted by other humans.

My mortification level rose about a million percent when I realized I would be swimming in a bikini with perfection literally right beside me in the form of Rose and Alice; I hated that I would have to be compared to them but It dimmed slightly when Edward had dazzled me and tricked me into momentarily forgetting everyone else when he kissed me.

Lets just say it ended with me out of breath, tangled around him and embarrassed that his parents had seen it. At that moment I forgot about my self-conscious body and swam with the rest of the family. The boys played football and Alice and I played Frisbee, which ended pretty quick when I was reminded of my hand eye coordination - or lack there of. We sunbathed - well I did - they simply glittered like diamonds and I was perfectly content and in awe to just watch them.

They were all beautiful. Without a single flaw.

Emmett, Jasper, Edward and Carlisle all raced and I was amazed at how fast they could swim. In the blink of an eye they were out of sight and then on the beach again. I had to ask who won it was so quick. It didn't really surprise me when Esme informed me Edward had won - he was the fastest on land as well.

It had been one of the best days of my life.

It's funny how the best days always have something to do with Edward and his family.

When I mentioned this to Edward he seemed to force his comment down and I chose to ignore it when I saw the smug look on Alice's face.

"So Bella what do you want for a present?" she asked me excitedly.

It was my birthday in a week.

My birthday was something I was not extremely excited for. I had asked them not to buy me anything and not to acknowledge my birth in any way but I had a feeling I would be losing this request. Alice never listened to me when she thought she was right, she would merely tap her temple and remind me that she sees the future. Edward was just as bad, ignoring my protests. Truthfully, I didn't want them to make such a big deal about me turning another year older. To me, it meant one more year less with Edward.

Everyday seemed to daunt me with what would eventually come - my death and my time without Edward.


	4. One Step Closer to the Big Sleep

**A/N:** Bella's age and crap is different in this story - please get over it :)

We're getting to the good stuff! Next chapter will be leading into the new stuff and the prologue!

Thanks for reviewing and reading!

**Chapter 4: One Step Closer to the Big Sleep**

**Alice:**

"Bella." I called nudging the sleeping body beside me. "Bella." I tried again. She was still practically unconscious.I leant over to her ear, brushed the hair away and shouted, "Get up sleepy head!" She was sprawled on the bed, face buried into her pillow and snoring loudly. She didn't move. But I heard the change in her heart beat, she was waking up. "You can't fake being asleep Bells. Get up."

"No." Bella groggily replied to me and I laughed.

"Yes." I said shaking her and dodging the pillow that was swung haphazardly my way.

"What time is it Alice?" I heard her mumble.

"8:10"

"In the morning?" she whined.

I rolled my eyes, _"No at night_" I replied sarcastically, "Yes of course in the morning. Get up."

"No." she groaned.

I sighed, "Bella get up, we have a lot to do today."

"Alice. It's summer. Summer vacation to be exact - do you know what that means to a human?" she murmured from where her head was on the mattress now.

"Tan-lines and hormonal teenagers?" I asked pulling the covers from her clutching grip and off the bed.

"Funny." She huffed, "No vacation means no school, which means no schoolwork, which means no teachers, annoying boys like Mike Newton, or dirty looks from Lauren Mallory. It also means sleeping in. Actually, it entitles me to sleeping all damn day if I want to." She ranted flashing me angry looks. Bella had been very angry these last couple days and it was getting worse as each day passes. I knew why, we all did, well except Edward - sometimes he was so oblivious. Bella's birthday meant she would be 18, it meant she was officially older than Edward, and that was something Bella dreaded. She was afraid of losing him and growing older, to her, meant just that.

"Okay Bella. You win." I said getting up from the bed and heading to the hall.

_She so does not win...._I thought smiling to myself.I had forseen this complication and I came prepared. I always come prepared. I silently made my way back into Bella's room and put my preparation to use.

"Aaaargggghhhh! Alice!!!" she screamed jumping up from her bed and facing me.

"What?" I asked innocently, holding my hands behind my back.

I looked at Bella who was drenched head to toe with water. Her hair clung to her face and shoulders, her dirty sweats now a dark grey colour and sticking to her frame.

I heard her growl at me and I began to laugh, "I tried to warn you." I told her through my laughter.

"When? When did you warn me? When did you say "Bella get up or I'm going to throw a bucket of ice cold water on you?"" she glared at me.

"Okay I didn't try to _warn_ you parse...but I did try to ask you."

"Did try saying please? Or maybe, I don't know, explain why this ungodly hour suited your needs for the day?"

"You're not usually this grumpy." I commented

"I'm not usually this soaking wet either." she grumbled as she crossed her arms against her chest.

I sighed, "Bella, you're not actually mad are you?" I asked giving her my best pout and taking a couple steps forward. Then I leant my head on her shoulder and gave her the puppy dog eyes.

She looked down at me "Furious." She was smiling.

I smiled at her smile, "You should tell that to your face." then I kissed her on the cheek and left the room, "Now shower! And get your butt in gear! Please!" I called form the hallway. Charlie was already gone this morning - fishing as usual. I decided I would take a crack at making eggs for her. I rummaged through the kitchen, called Esme for instructions on the eggs and heard the shower turn on and off.

I smiled as I heard Bella coming down the stairs and entering the kitchen, I kept my back to her and kept an eye on the stove, "Don't even try it." I said.

She growled, "stupid future-seeing best friend" mumbled under her breath. I laughed as I turned around as Bella placed the tub of water down on the floor. She was attempting to get me back.

I crossed the kitchen with her plate of eggs and juice and placed them in front of her, "You know, aside from the future-seeing thing I also could hear the water sloshing and spilling in the hall your entire trip down here."

She giggled at that realizing how stupid her plan was - like she could surprise me, I'm never surprised. She still had a slight frown on her face as she began to eat her eggs. "Are they no good?" I asked curiously.

She swallowed, "No actually they're really good. Thanks Alice, you're the best." And she smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "So what exactly are we doing today?"

"What do you want to do?" I asked.

She froze, the fork and eggs halfway to her mouth, "You mean you don't have anything planned?"

"No I have stuff planned, I just wanted to try to cheer you up."

She looked surprised, thought for a moment then the frown appeared again, "We're going shopping aren't we?" she moaned.

"That was my plan.." I said slowly, her frown was tearing me apart, "We could do something else if you want...I just...wanted to get you an outfit."

"What kind of an outfit?" she asked suspiciously.

"The kind that people wear."

"Alice."

I sighed, "The kind you would wear to a gathering of people..." I said slowly.

She glared at me, her frown replaced with anger, "Kind of like a party?"

"Possibly."

She dropped her fork and got up from her seat heading for the staircase.

"Bella where are you going?"

"Back to bed." I heard her say and I ran to catch her arm and stop her. She ended up stumbling on the fourth step and I had to throw my other arm out to steady her.

"Sorry, not happening." I told her bringing her down the steps grabbing our coats and heading for the door.

In the Mercedes, she was really quiet. She was constantly looking out the window at the rain and sighing.

"Bella?" I finally called out to her breaking into her thoughts, "Do you need to talk about it?"

"You know what's wrong." she said as she kept looking out the window.

"Yes, that's true but I promise you'll feel better if you say it out loud." I said placing a hand on hers.

"I want to be one of you."

"And?"

"And I don't want to be human, I don't want to grow old."

"I know sweetie." I sighed and gripped her hand tighter, she looked at me now.

"Why doesn't he know that?"

"I think he knows you want to be one of us Bella. I don't think it's something you have hidden particularly well."

"Well then what's his problem?"

"You honestly don't know?" I eyed her speculatively.

"Does it have something to do with my soul?" she said almost bored.

I laughed at her tone, "You're soul is a very big deal to him Bella."

"He is so frustrating sometimes! How the hell can he hate himself that much? How the hell can he fall in love if he doesn't have a soul? How can he possibly know you, see your spark for life and think you don't have a soul? The caring and love of Carlisle and Esme and not think they have a soul? All of you are more human and kind than anyone I have ever met! How could he possibly live with Emmett everyday who is so easy going and joyful and not see a soul there?" She ranted. And I found myself siding with her - all her points were pretty much mine as well.

I squeezed her hand tighter, "He always has been a little overly dramatic and oblivious." I joked but noticing the half-truths there. "Bella, you know we have all tried to explain it to him...he's just stubborn."

"There's the biggest understatement of the year." she grumbled sarcastically.

"Tell you what," I said as I laughed, "We'll find you an outfit that makes him want to change you to keep forever as soon as he sees you in it. Will that cheer you up?"

She rolled her eyes, she was so doubtful of him and his desire for her.

"And if that doesn't work we can play your wake-up prank on Emmett tomorrow at your party." I continued hoping to see her smile.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

The day had come!

The day I spent the last four weeks planning was finally here!

Bella's birthday!

I was so excited I had Jasper bouncing off the walls whenever he came near me, Carlisle had to send him on a hunt when his enthusiasm spiraled out and began to effect the rest of the household. Esme was also really excited, her and I had gone all out for Bella's birthday party tonight. We hung streamers and balloons and bought a huge cake! I had banners and everything to make this night one she would never forget. I knew Bella would protest the big celebration - in fact I had seen her doing just that but she would appreciate it on some level. Especially when Edward and I would tell her how excited we all were.

This was a big deal to everyone. Honestly I had never seen this house so lively. Which is ironic because technically all it's inhabitants are dead. Emmett had locked himself in his room _without_ Rosalie because he was working on a special gift for Bella. Jasper had gotten her some book and even Rosalie got in on the action. She and I had pitched in on a gift as well, which surprised everyone but me and Edward of course. Carlisle and Esme got Bella and Edward both a gift to use together. I was sure Bella would love all of them...after she got over the initial shock of how much everyone had spent on her.

A part of me was worried about Bella's fake attitude she would have in place tonight, I wanted this to be genuine but she would never want to disappoint Esme and a fake attitude was going to be needed to hide her resentment to the fact that she was still growing older. Her and I had a very big talk coming up later, I had seen it. I even threw some extra tissues in my purse for such an event.

I glanced at the clock on the wall...four hours. Four hours until I have to go get Bella ready for the festivities. I should call them and remind them of our schedule...

Then what should I do to make the time go by faster?

...maybe I'll go find Jazz and get him excited some other way....

**Bella:**

The day had come.

The day I spent the past week pushing and fighting against was finally here.

_My birthday._

Ugh, it sounded just as terrible in my mind as it did out loud.

I rolled over grumpily on my bed. Today was going to suck and I was going to use all of my force to spend it hiding under these covers and in Edward's arms.

Wait.

Edward's arms were not here.

I reached out groping for the cool arms of steel I so desperately craved and found nothing but mattress. I groaned and opened my eyes, trying not to believe what I was going to find.

Yep. It was an Edward-empty room and he was here when I went to bed, he knew I hated waking up without him around when he spends the night! I growled to myself. _Crap._ _This just made today _so much_ better._ Why did it have to come? Why did this year, the best one of my entire life have to come by so fast? Could time not just slow down a tiny bit for me? Slow down and make this year last a tiny bit longer? It made me one more year older. A year older than human version Edward. One more day closer to living without him, one more day closer to death. Time, in general, was depressing, especially when you have a boyfriend and best-friend who are undaunted and unaffected by it. I'm officially eighteen today. A typical eighteen year old should be running around, calling her friends, jumping for joy, searching for presents, possibly sneaking some alcohol and definitely not be thinking about how time is depressing.

I've never been typical.

I yawned and sat up in bed, stretching. I found a paper folded on my nightstand with Edward's elegant script on it.

_Bella,_

_ Happy birthday love._

_ I went for a quick hunt to prepare for tonight, I hope to be back before you wake._

_ Be safe and I'll see you soon._

_Yours forever, _

_Edward._

_ PS. Try to act excited._

I rolled my eyes, "yours forever" it said, forever was something I did not have if I was human. And Edward forever was something I certainly did not have. I was brought out of my thoughts with the flashing bulbs going off from the door way. Reflexively I pulled the covers back over my head, "Dad!" I groaned.

"Sorry Bells, you're mom called and told me to 'document everything _or else_.'" he quoted her in an almost perfect imitation of her voice, she would say that. "So put the covers down so I can see my legally adult daughter!" he said cheerfully.

"I'll pull the covers down if you put that camera away." I told him.

"Okay." he agreed and I pulled the covers off my head to be greeted again with a final flashing bulb. I glared at him, "Okay..._now." _he amended tossing the camera on my bed.

"Should have seen that coming." I said dryly.

Charlie laughed his face wrinkling around the eyes, "Happy birthday Bells. That's from your mom and I." he told me kissing my hair and gesturing to the camera.

"Thanks dad." I said low. Not excited at all. I made a mental note to try and fix that later.

"Hate birthdays kiddo?" he asked as I got out of bed.

"Hate parties." I half-lied.

"Cullen's have something big planned do they?"

"Alice will be Alice." I said heading for the bathroom and I heard him chuckling on his way downstairs about my friend. I showered and brushed my teeth at an alarmingly slow rate waiting for Edward to arrive and attempting to push this day farther and farther away. Then I went to my room and changed, and began brushing, blow drying and straightening my hair until it was pencil straight.

"You won't be able to stall much when Alice busts down your door you know." I heard Edward's whisper in my ear and him appear at my side.

I flung my arms around him happy to see him, he kissed me on the lips, "Happy birthday love."

I sighed ignoring his comment, "How did you get here? Window?"

"I've been downstairs since you got out of the shower. You're infuriatingly slow today Bella."

I looked down sheepishly. If I had of known he was here I wouldn't have spent so much time doing nothing important, "Sorry." I said lamely.

His hand reached for my chin and brought my face up so he could look me in the eyes, "Bella? What's wrong?"

Alice was right he is oblivious sometimes. "Nothing." I lied.

"Bella. You may be a year older but you're still a terrible liar." he tried to joke.

That's when my tears began to fall, unwillingly but still falling down my cheeks, leaving a salty trail. I felt his hand brush them and I tried to ignore the pained look he had. "Do you really not know?" I choked out.

"No, but I'd really like to." he said as he picked me up and cradled me in his arms.

"I don't think you would." I sniffed pathetically.

He looked down at me and waited.

"Fine. But you asked for it. I'm depressed alright. I'm not upset that there is a party - well not really anyways - I'm depressed that I'm a year older."

"Bella growing older is a part of being human."

"No shit Sherlock," I said bitterly before biting my tongue, it just slipped out, "Sorry. It's just...Edward what does forever mean to you?"

"Eternity? Perpetually? Until the cows come home?"

I shook my head, this was not a time for his jokes, "No, you wrote it in your letter, "forever yours""

"I meant my heart is yours and no one else's, forever...Love, did I upset you with that?..I just thought.."

I shook my head, "No, no it's not that, I feel the same way Edward! It's just forever means very different things between a human and a vampire." I said putting my head against his chest.

"Bella, not today please." he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"You asked!" I cried.

"Bella."

"What do you expect? It's on my mind, it always will be, do you expect to be with me forever Edward because forever to me means turning into one of you, "eternity", "everlasting", but to you it means loving me until I'm old, gray and...dead! What will people think of us if I'm old enough to be your grandmother!" I wailed, a new set of tears coming.

"They will think you're a cougar." he tried to joke about me being an old sex goddess. Imagining us, me in my walker and him at my side - it gave me shivers down my spine. The sight was grotesque to me. Unnatural.

"Not in the mood Edward." I said through more tears.

Bella..." he started, "I plan to follow you after that...after death I mean."

Shock sprang across my face. Did he just tell me, that he was going to die after I did? Somehow find a way to kill himself? Shock quickly turned to anger, "No. You cannot do that. I can't imagine a world without you in it! You can't follow me Edward! I forbid it."

"I can't imagine a world without you in it either love. I can't live in one where you don't exist."

"No. Promise me Edward. Promise me you won't do something so ridiculous! Change me, change me so it can't happen, please, promise me!"

He never had a chance to promise me. Charlie had called to us from downstairs and Edward was already at the door. I knew he was avoiding this now. I would not get another chance to talk to him about it.

We spent the day with Charlie. I used my new camera on them both snapping pictures of us all and saving some for this evening. I wanted to get some of the rest of the Cullen's as well.

Edward left me when Alice arrived and I couldn't help but see that he was relieved. He was relieved to avoid our conversation easier and the promise I asked him to make.

"So that went well." Alice said sarcastically pushing me on to a stool in the bathroom.

I knew what she meant, "Yes, aren't we just the perfect couple? Give and take, compromising and coming to decisions together? That's what we're all about." I joked bitterly.

"Yes well...it could have gone better."

"You mean if he got off his high horse and came to my level?" I said dryly. I was so very, very bitter.

Alice was working with my hair now, straightening it out even more and placing pins here and there before moving to my face to do my makeup. She seemed to be taking her time and I knew she was thinking of what to tell me. "Bella, you know what he's thinking..."

"I'd still like to hear your version and compare." I told her, "Alice, I trust your version over mine...you've known him longer."

"Yes but you love him more. You know him just as much as I do."

"Please enlighten me Al!" I whined.

She sighed and gave in to my very own perfected Alice-puppy-dog-pout, "Using my own weapons against me," she muttered, "Well he's thinking about your soul again. I know, I know, we went over this part already but Bella this is a huge deal and you have to understand that a soul to him is more than love and compassion a soul is tied to the human body. If the body dies the soul does in his eyes. He wants you to stay human, to experience life the way you should, the way Rose and I should have. I believe he wants you to move on from him, have a life he can't give you - kids and a family." Her voice was quiet now, almost as if she was having a revelation.

"That's insane. I don't want that. I want him, I want you, you guys _are_ my family."

"I think he thinks that you don't know what you would be missing...and in time possibly regret it or resent him" she said slowly. "Alice...do you think you're missing out?" I asked her sadly.

"No. Not me, I don't remember my human life, so there isn't much to miss...but I know Rose does...she almost had everything she ever wanted as a human before it was all ripped out from underneath her and she became one of us. She desperately wanted a family with kids of her own."

I was shocked, I never knew that about Rose...it did kind of explain why she was so bitter. "Is that why..she hates me?" I asked.

"She doesn't hate you Bella, I think she's more just...jealous of you." I scoffed at that comment and Alice continued, "No think about it, she wants to be human, to have kids and a family - a normal life and you have that potential but you are with Edward. Not that she doesn't like that you make him happy - she just maybe feels like you're throwing it away."

I thought about what she was telling me. What she thought Edward was thinking and this new information on Rose, which actually helped me understand Edward's view more, "So, he doesn't want me to end up like Rose? Regretting everything?....but how can you regret something you don't want? All I ever wanted was him..." I said more to myself trying to work this out in my head.

"I'm not sure sweetie...I know a long time ago, I saw you in a vision as one of us and it scared him."

I froze. I did not know about that. It was a possibility then!? "So...you saw...does that mean...you still see?" I asked ignoring the hopeful tone in my voice.

She shook her head sadly, "No Bella, I don't anymore...I think what I saw before was James's result...and Edward reversed it...so the future changed."

I looked downcast. That was depressing...possibly as depressing as my time issue...integrated as the subjects were....

Alice gave me a tight hug. "Look let's just get through tonight alright? We'll get through tonight and work on this tomorrow?" she asked rubbing my back soothingly.

"I'm not really in the party mood Alice." I said allowing some tears out and having her hug me tighter briefly and pulling back to catch them. I forgot that she had just done my make-up. She used a soft kleenex and delicately dabbed me back to perfection. Then she helped me into the dress and shoes she bought me for tonight. I sighed as I looked in the mirror, this was the "Make-Edward-realize-his-need-and-change-me-right-there dress" It was blue, his gavourite colour on me with a funky black pattern on it. The detail was amazing and I refused to look at the price tag - I'd rather not know. My shoes were black flats - thank god - the last thing I needed tonight was slipping and breaking my neck because of Alice's hopes on making me a runway model.

"You look beautiful Bella." she approved and put and arm around me to guide me downstairs. We were greeted by the camera glued to Charlies hand again before he bid us goodnight and snapped the door behind us.

"Bella, I know you have a lot on your mind right now...but we all put a lot of effort into tonight. Could you try to at least fake some excitement for them? I know you don't feel like it but we haven't been able to have something real to celebrate in a long time..." Alice asked me sincerely as we drove to her house.

"I'll try...keep Jasper close, he could help." I told her and she nodded.

When we pulled up to the big white house a tremor of fear ran through my body. I was nervous...I hate lying and I was so not in the mood for any sort of celebrating right now...I was doubting my ability to fake this, "Jasper close." I said again reminding her I would need some help in the excitement department.

"Don't worry Bella, you can feed off my excitement too!" she chirped as she brought me towards the porch. Edward was waiting. I took a deep breath and plastered a smile, not unlike Alice's, on my face.

_Here we go._

_**A/N: I hope you liked this. Some people wanted some more interaction and so did I - I wanted to give you a glimpse of what they were like before all hell breaks loose. WHich happens soon!!!**  
_


	5. Happy Birthday?

A/N: you guys pretty much rule...and I'm sorry this took so long - school and life have both been kicking my ass!

This chapter is blowish but I really just needed it to get out of the way so i could open the door to Bella's new life. I am thinking it will also have insights from Alice and Eddie-boy as well over this business...

Chapter 5: Birthday

**Edward:**

I was very nervous for tonight. I wanted it to be a night Bella would enjoy and I also wanted it to be one my family could also enjoy and keep as a lasting memory. Unfortunately, this all depended on Bella's ability to enjoy herself tonight, and based on our conversation earlier - I knew she would struggle.

I felt terrible denying her what she wanted. I refuse to change her though. I had been over this with Carlisle before, I will not change Bella for selfish reasons of my own. He tried to remind me, along with Alice, that Bella has chosen this life but I still refuse - Bella doesn't know what's good for her. That much was obvious. She spent almost all of her free time with vampires for goodness sake! She has no self-preservation!

I heard Alice's car pull up in the driveway, _You're in trouble mister. If she is upset anymore tonight I'll hunt you down myself._ I heard her think to me. I stifled my growl, I couldn't help admire her love for Bella and willingness to protect her.

I could hear the exciting thoughts of my family as they approached. Emmett was wondering if his gift would make Bella blush, Jasper was excited for Bella to excite Alice, Esme hoped she liked the decorations, Carlisle was wishing she had fun. Rose surprised me when she thought of how lovely Bella looked tonight. I immediately brought myself out of their thoughts and headed for the door.

She was right.

But lovely was an understatement.

Bella looked dazzling tonight. Her dress accented her dainty lines and her hair shone with a reddish golden tint in the lights glow from the porch. Her make-up was perfect, not too much. Alice got it all perfect.

Bella had an extremely wide grin plastered on her face, she resembled Alice more than my Bella with it however, so I knew it was forced. I met her at the porch and kissed her cheek, the familiar tingle of electricity flowing at our contact. "You look wonderful tonight love."

"Thank you." she replied, almost curtly and I knew she was still very bitter about our day earlier. I sighed though as I realized her heart still races at our proximity. She still loved me.

I led her into the house and we were greeted by whistles and claps and well wishes for Bella. On cue and to Emmett's delight, Bella's cheeks flushed in embarrassment. _Dude, she looks so hot!_ He thought and I flashed him a sneer, _What? She does._ He thought again unabashed, I couldn't help but smile, she did look incredible.

"Happy birthday Bella dear!" Esme squealed as excited as Alice as she hugged and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Bella replied, "Thanks, really, you guys didn't have to go through all this trouble for me." as her cheeks flushed even more. She really hated when people paid attention to her.

"Oh nonsense, Alice and Esme have been working on this night for some time now!" Carlisle told her smiling fondly.

"PRESENTS!!!" Alice shouted gleefully, "Who's first?"

**Bella:**

I was guided towards the dining room by Alice to what I thought was a much too big pile of gifts. Only when I protested their presence I was threatened with a very large piece of cake filling my mouth instead of my protests so I piped down and accepted whatever they had planned. I noticed the close proximity of everyone gathering around to see the gifts. As Alice had promised Jasper was close by and I felt the excitement he was sending me creep over me and override my self-conciousness.

"This is from everyone Bella, Happy Birthday." Rose said to me as she handed me a box and backed away again.

I blushed at her kindness, I hadn't expected anything from Rosalie and I tore the paper off. It was an empty box. "Um. Thanks guys." I said.

"It's a stereo for your truck. I installed it earlier today." Rose informed me, laughing lightly with everyone else.

I said thanks again and was handed an envelope from Esme. It was two plane tickets to Jacksonville for Edward and I to visit my mom. "Thanks guys!" I said sincerely kissing them both on the cheek.

Next I was handed something from Jasper. I was speechless. It was a one of a kind, first edition by Jane Austen...I stared at it for what felt like forever. It had a familiar and comforting book smell and the pages were perfectly untouched, "Wow. Thank you Jazz." I told him and he beamed at my sincerity, I was sure it was rolling off of me. I was really touched.

"Okay now this one is from Rose, Esme and I!" Alice chirped beside me handing me a tiny box. I instantly knew it was jewelry.

"Alice..." I said about to reprimand her if she spent too much money. I ripped the paper and and cracked the little white box. I gasped. Inside was a beautiful sliver necklace with a diamond circle on it. I was speechless.

"Here Bella." Alice said as she picked it up and turned it on her hand, there was an engraving, it read three tiny elegant words, _Love. Trust. Forever._

_"_You guys...this is too much." I said looking at the circle of diamonds as Alice put it around my neck.

"Nonsense Bella, every female in the family has one with that inscription." Alice told me and kissed my cheek.

"You're part of the family now Bella." Esme told me beaming.

Tears began to fall down my face. I didn't even try to stop them. It was a beautiful gesture and I really felt included, I didn't even have the heart in me to get them in trouble for spending so much money on me. That circle around my neck meant all I needed it to, it meant I'd never be alone, we were a family, a circle of trust and love. I ignored the _forever_ part - I'd have to work on that later - tonight was not the night. Rose was even smiling kindly at me.

"I didn't break the rules." Edward gave me a crooked smile as he handed me his gift. It was a cd, he recorded me a cd of him playing the piano. I kissed him, it was one of my favourite gifts. I loved to hear him play and now I could do it at home.

"Definitely not breaking the rules." I told him glad he hadn't spent any money on me. Things were uneven enough with him being perfect, I didn't need to add lavish gifts to the equation.

"Bella open mine now!" Emmett shouted as he patted my shoulder and my knees gave out at the force.

"Okay Emmett, just calm down so you don't break her legs." Jasper laughed as Emmett pulled his hand off of me and handed me a large card and a box. I smiled at them all, this time a genuine one, and began to open Emmett's card. It was made out of bristle board and said "One Day Closer to the Big Sleep" on the front and "happy birthday human" on the inside. I laughed when I saw it and heard everyone's reactions.

"That is morbid!" Esme scolded but laughed just the same.

"You're twisted!" Jasper laughed.

"I like it." I told him sincerely, he understood me and I understood his attempt to joke about Edward's protests to make me one of them. I appreciated his attempt to show Edward he approved of me becoming one of them. My words got a very dirty look from Rose but I ignored it. She had chipped in on my birthday gifts so I didn't mind her hateful glares - in there somewhere was a soft spot.

I went to open the medium size box and felt Alice take it away, when i looked at her questioningly she just said, "Trust me. You don't want to open this one." And I blushed, knowing Emmett it was probably something dirty like lingerie for Edward or something equally mortifying for me to open in front of his entire family. Did I mention how awesome it was to have a future-seeing bestfriend?

"Hey!" Emmett whined.

"Oh get over it Em, just give her your other gift!" Alice told him.

Emmett disappeared briefly and came back with a big box in hand. I opened it up for him and found the drum set for Rockband. I laughed as he took it from me and went to hook it up - he already had the other guitars and microphone set up in the living room.

We spent the rest of the evening playing with "my gift" that I knew would end up just staying here. I found myself really enjoying the time and watching as everyone playfully embarrassed themselves attempting to beat Edward at fake musical instruments. I wasn't as shocked as I should have been when every single vampire that took the mic rocked it. THey had beautiful voices and I adamantly refused to even attempt it after they all tried. I stuck mostly with the guitar or bass no higher than medium difficulty - I knew enough of my skills that my hand will never reach that orange button.

When it was time for cake Alice had popped out a folding table and had some plates and utencils on it and the biggest cake I have ever seen. It was elegantly decorated with white and pink icing, probably costing as much as a wedding cake would have. I laughed as I saw it wondering if she was going to make everyone have a peice. It looked like she was going to and they forced me to cut the cake and make a wish.

_I wish to be with Edward forever._

Only I ended up cutting more than the cake. A single drop hit the white tablecloth before I was bowled over by a flying vampire and landed on shattered china. I screamed in pain as it cut into my arm and screamed again when I heard the snarls ripping from Jaspers throat. His eyes were black and he was being held back by Edward and Emmett. I realized then that it was Edward that had hit me, Carlisle was at my side holding my bleeding arm and Alice was in front of me protectively.

"Get him out of here!" Carlisle ordered and Rose and Emmett helped Edward force him outside.

Then Edward was back at my side again. I looked from him to Alice and Esme. None of them were breathing. "I'm okay." I told them.

Esme nodded and covered her mouth, murmuring an apology and running out after the others. Alice also ran off but grabbed Carlisle's medical bag and headed to the kitchen with it. I felt Edward lift me in his arms and take me into the kitchen counter. I was in shock, I didn't feel Carlisle sticking and prodding in my cuts for glass and only noticed it when I looked at him. I assumed he froze my arm at some point in the transition...it was oddly not painful.

"Go on, I'll be fine." I told Edward and Alice who were watching with darkening eyes and non-moving chests. "Seriously, I'm perfectly alright, last birthday I ended up breaking 2 fingers and my big toe - stitches are not a big deal." Edward shook his head, "Alice would you please take Edward and go find Jasper - tell him I'm not mad. I understand." I pleaded she nodded kissed me on the head and started pushing Edward towards the back door. He looked at me sternly kissed my forehead and went with her.

"Well done Bella. Jasper probably is beating himself up right now." Carlisle told me.

"I figured he would be, it's not his fault."

"You're a very unique person Bella, understanding and accepting, Edward is lucky to have you."

"No...I'm lucky to have him." I said truthfully. Every word was true. Carlisle chuckled, but I heard the worry in his laboured laugh, "He's angry isn't he?"

Carlisle looked from the door to me, "I think he's more worried."

"I'm fine though..."

"Bella if Jasper had of got to you..you wouldn't be fine. Edward was the one to push you out of the way...but he caused you pain doing it...and if he had been too late..."

I nodded. It made sense. This was not going to be easy to smooth over. "So I'm guessing by your tone that he is going to be angry more at himself than Jasper right?"

"You know him well..." Carlisle nodded and only half-smiled.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

"Will you stay tonight?"

"Not tonight."

"For my birthday?" I pushed putting on my best imitation of Alice's pout.

"Not tonight Bella." His voice was laboured.

"Is this about what happened earlier?" I asked from the passenger seat of his volvo knowing it was.

"What did you expect?" he asked sourly.

"Edward, I'm fine. Honestly-"

"No Bella. Not tonight. I have to go home." he cut me off.

"Fine." I huffed and got out of the car. It surprised me when he didn't even come open the door for me or kiss me goodnight. I turned to face the volvo as I slammed the door. He gave me a quick wave and sped backwards down the driveway. "Crap." I muttered before heading inside.

"Well how was it?" Charlie asked me when I got inside.

"Alice will be Alice." I said, "I'm a little tired so I'm just going to go to bed alright?"

Charlie laughed, "Sure Bells, Happy Birthday kid!"

"Thanks dad. Love yah." I said, grateful he didn't notice the bandage on my arm I quickly went upstairs and shut my bedroom door. I got changed and landed on my soft bed with a sigh. Edward wasn't coming tonight. Neither was Alice. For the first time in a month I would be spending the night alone. It was a terrible feeling. I had it in the pit of my stomach, almost like something was dreadfully wrong...

**************************************************************************

Edward was there the next day but not as early as usual. I had to call his cell twice and the house once. It was strange that I had no answer at the house, I assumed they were all out hunting after last night's events. He came inside and watched TV with Charlie, he barely spoke to me and only answered Charlie if he was addressed.

Eventually I got fed up and went to my room. Neither one of them noticed. I put Edward's composition CD on and lied down on my bed. I knew he could hear the music but he made no move to come upstairs. I decided to call Alice. There was no answer there either, it just went to her voicemail and it occured to me that I had never heard her voicemail before - Alice had always picked up the phone when I called, sometimes before it even finished the first ring... I also sent her a couple texts as well but she never replied.

I let out a frustrated sigh. Something was definitely wrong. I had to find out what...but how?

I could try jumping out my window and heading to the house.

Too Painful.

Following him home?

I'd never be able to sneak up on him.

"Bells?" I heard Charlie call and snap me out of my schemes. Maybe I would just take the direct approach.

"Coming!" I yelled prying myself off the bed and downstairs.

"Game's over Edward's gonna head home now." Charlie told me.

I took a deep breath and headed to the door where Edward was waiting. "Surprised you waited to say goodbye." I said curtly when I saw him at the door.

"I always say goodbye." He told me.

"Uh-huh and are you staying tonight?" I whispered.

"Not tonight."

I wasn't surprised.

"And are you planning on telling me what's going on?"

"There's nothing going on."

"You're a good liar Edward, but I see right through you."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"And I don't suppose you are going to know where in the world Alice is."

"I don't keep tabs on her."

"You're being unhelpful on purpose."

"I'm being unhelpful because there is no way I can help."

This confused me a bit, " Yes. Well..I expect you to go home and get your head straight because I'm not stupid Edward, something is wrong and I want you to tell me." I said stepping closer and putting my hands on his hard chest.

His cold face softened at my touch but only briefly, then it went straight back to being lifeless. "Perhaps."

I stood back the air huffing from my chest in one quick push, "Goodnight Edward."

"Bella." he nodded and turned quickly out the door.

"I love you." I whispered after him wishing with all my heart he would say it back, wishing with my entire being that he felt that way still.

Maybe he didn't. Maybe he hated me, hated the situations I cause, hated having to save me all the time. Maybe he wanted someone more...durable. Someone like him.

As my thoughts swirled in this general area through the night I barely got any sleep, and if I did it was full of nightmares. Not full of Jasper attacking me and killing me - but of Edward with another girl - a inhumanly beautiful vampire girl that was not me. Would never be me.

The next day I tried Edward's cell when I woke up. I wasn't surprised when he didn't answer. I decided instead of calling him more I would just sit and wait and let him come to me. There was no point pushing him, he was as stubborn as I was, if he wasn't ready for something he would never be forced into it. I stayed in my room and read my gift from Jasper until about noon when my stomach finally growled and insisted on some food.

Then I found him at the kitchen table waiting for me.

My excitement and natural high that usually came when I saw him was not there, his face was drawn and as lifeless as yesterday. "Hi.." I said.

"Bella would you like to go for a walk?" he said standing.

"Okay..sure." I told him as I grabbed my coat at the door and followed him outside. This was it, he was going to tell me what is going on. He walked ahead of me a few feet and I followed before he stopped on the path in the woods, we could still see the house. "Edward?" I called to him.

"We're leaving Bella."

"Okay, where're we going?" I asked wondering why he was five feet away from me if he was asking me to leave town with him. I took a step forward and froze when he took one back. "...Edward?"

"You're not coming." He said bluntly, cold even.

"Okay...when are you coming back?" I asked wishing this wasn't heading where I knew it was.

"We won't be back." He told me almost sadly before squaring his shoulders and raising his chin again.

"Ever?" My voice cracked.

"It'll be like we never existed. You'll forget and move on."

Realization dawned on me, "Alice already left....without saying goodbye."

"They all have been gone for three days."

"Why? Is this because of the birthday thing? Or..the James thing?" It hurt me to say it, the memories of that James were still very real and haunting me...but Jasper attacking me was not a big deal - it comes with the territory of being in love with a family of vampires. I can take it. I put myself in that position, I had to take it.

He surprised me shaking his head, "Neither. It's me."

I laughed hysterically now, "Do not try this 'it's not you it's me thing' with me Edward!"

"Fine... It's you Bella."

I froze. A gasp of air escaped me. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, trampled by horses and hit by a truck all simultaneously. I was crying now, I couldn't help it. From the moment I met Edward and we began this relationship I had been waiting for him to come to his senses. What could he possibly want with a plain girl like me? A Greek God and a boring, klutzy child? It was doomed from the start. The odds against us...not just the fact that my blood sang for him, that he was constantly fighting the urge to kill me...but the fact that he was perfect and I wasn't even close.

"You don't want me." It wasn't a question.

"You're not good for me Bella." he told me what I already knew.

"Alice?" I was good for Alice, we loved each other. We were like sisters.

"You're not good for any of us."

Scratch my earlier statement, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, trampled by horses, hit by a truck, stabbed in the chest, had my heart ripped out and tore into pieces before he kicked dirt on it. Not only did my boyfriend not want me, but my own best friend didn't want me around. I didn't think my plainness really bothered Alice - if anything she enjoyed it - because it meant lots of Bella Barbie times...but she left without saying goodbye...this made sense. She didn't want me either.

I turned and headed further into the woods, I was leaving the trail behind me, the tears were pouring down my face and I was trying hard not to breathe. The small breaths I could manage shook my body violently - I couldn't let him see me like that.

"Where are you going?" he called, now 10 feet away.

I didn't turn my head, I couldn't, "For a walk...it's why I came in here." I said low, but I knew he heard me.

"Wait, you're leaving just like that?" he sounded confused...almost disbelieving. _Of course, he thought you'd fight him on this - not give him the freedom he so desperately craves._ It made sense now, why he sucked the venom back out when James bit me. He didn't want me around and he knew it then - if I was turned he'd be stuck..for eternity.

"Yes. Just like that." I whispered, the only voice I could manage. Desperately trying to hide my pain.

I felt him turn me around, I hadn't even heard him approaching, "Bella! At least let me walk you home." His hand was gripping my shoulder.

I used my strength to remove his hand, it was leaving a freezing reminder in my skin of how he wasn't mine anymore. This touch was not mine. "Don't. Touch. Me." I choked out with as much ferocity as I could, his hand dropped to his side, he looked surprised. This angered me. Why the hell should he be surprised, this is what he wanted was it not?

"Bella, please, let me walk you home, you can't go into the woods alone - you don't know what's out there. "

I looked into his eyes, they were black now and I wished my own could reflect hatred like his...but mine were still chocolate brown...full of love. "Look Edward, I love you and I always will - it won't be like you never existed because I will never forget you... I know _I_ can't have it both ways - I _will_ remember you but I won't have you. And as for what's out there - you've been saying it since the start - I'm in danger around you, the vampire is right here - what could possibly be out there." I spat.

"Bella.."

I cut him off, "You either want me or you don't. If you do, then take me home but if you don't - fine, it was bound to happen - but if that's what you want you leave me to make my own damn decisions. You can't have it both ways either."

With that I turned on my heal and stalked further away. I chanced one last fleeting glance behind me. A last chance to memorize his golden hair, his strong chiseled body, the gorgeous jaw line and his beautiful lips - but he was already gone. He was gone. Alice was gone. My family was gone. I was gone.

I walked through the woods. I turned here and there, felt like I was going in circles and not at all. I tried to keep moving though, anything was better than being still and letting it catch up with me. Letting the power of his words level me at the knees. I had to keep moving, keep the emotions at bay.

And I slipped.

It was colder out today and just starting to rain.

The ground was muddy and I hadn't noticed, I was now covered in the brown goo. This is when I realized the wetness on my face was not from the raindrops. They were salty and warm - my tears. I was crying my eyes out and I hadn't noticed. I couldn't feel anything that physical and I noticed my breathing was ragged too, I wondered how long I had been doing this for. I sat there and let the tears and rain mix on my face, I never wiped them from my cheeks, I just fell back onto the forest floor and fell away from the world.

Covered in mud and grass, soaking wet.

"Perfect." I muttered.

"Yes. It is perfect."


	6. Death on Fire

**Chapter 6: Death on Fire**

**Edward:**

I ran, I just turned and ran away from my heart's only desire. Away from my Bella. The strength it was taking was far more extensive and labouring than ever before trying to resist her blood; if I was in the mood for laughter I could have thinking how easy that had been compared to this, compared to leaving her behind.

I forced my legs to take me away from Forks as fast as they could, in less than 30 minutes I was almost halfway to Alaska. Pushing my legs, focusing on my speed was the only thing keeping me from stopping dead and heading back to her. Even as I forced my mind to focus she kept slipping through my thoughts and I found myself calculating at each mile mark how long it would take me to get back to her.

Sad. I felt terribly sad and broken. I had never felt worse, not even when I was waiting for her to wake up in the hospital. At least then I knew I would see her again but now...I would never again lay eyes on her. My last image of her was her steely resolve trying to hide the tears in her eyes. That image was breaking my heart into tiny shards and piercing whatever humanity that was in me now.

I knew I would be a mess arriving in Denali. Alice would be furious with me, taking her best friend away from her. Esme and Carlisle would pity me. Rose and Emmett would mock me. I would be a loner once again, only now awakened to what I was missing before - my soul - my life. Carlisle had Esme, Rose had Emmett, Alice had Jasper - a fact I didn't care about before - I had no idea what love was like...but now...could I really expect myself to go back to that? Now that my whole world had been opened up to new experiences, a new thirst that didn't involve killing anyone - the thirst of love?

I doubted it.

I told her I didn't want her anymore. Told her she was no good for me.

I just didn't expect it to be so easy.

I didn't expect her to believe the lies, with little convincing she accepted them for truth. She was angry for sure but accepting. I admired her strength to try to make me reconsider my choice of leaving for her safety. I admired her anger with me, I was angry with myself but staying would be selfish. I would stay and put her in a never ending world of danger. First James an outlaw vampire and then my own brother...Bella would never be safe with me..with us.

I stopped, realizing I wasn't alone, a new scent drifted. Looking around and realizing for the first time I was in snow, Alice stood before me, arms crossed as if she could read my thoughts she said "She would be fine if you changed her."

"Not an option."

"Edward this is ridiculous, my vis-"

"I asked you not to check on her! She doesn't need us in her life and the least we can do is butt out so she can forget us."

"Edward..." she looked down and took a calm step forward, her voice rung with pity, "Do you really think the love you two share could be forgotten?"

"Yes. Human's forget things all the time, she'll move on and be with someone that deserves her and she deserves back."

"You deserve her, and she deserves you. You are not a bad person..."

"Alice I'm not going to put her in danger, she has to forget about me."

"And what about you?"

"I'll have my memories of her."

"You know that's not enough." She said putting her hand on my shoulder.

"It has to be."

"Edward, I have to tell you...when I left, when you made the decision, I peeked one last time...it didn't change anything..."

"Well it had to! Before I wasn't totally sure - she won't be turned now, I have left for good. She practically told me to go. It can't possibly be her future any longer."

"Liar."

"Well she did kind of tell me to leave."

"You don't understand women very well - she was asking you to stay, to choose her when she said that, you know - without _actually_ saying it."

I paused. I knew she was right but I didn't want to believe it. "No. I'm not putting her in that danger again. You'd think her best friend would want her safe!" I was angry now more at the fact she was right and I wanted her to be right. I wanted to go back.

Her hand slipped from my shoulder and she took a couple graceful steps back from me. A pained expression over her face, "Ouch." she said quietly.

I sighed regretting my anger, Alice was hurting too, maybe just as much right now. "Alice, I'm sorry. I know you love her, this is just as hard on you.."

"I want her safe. I'm just not convinced it involves us leaving her alone. She must be in so much pain...she's all alone."

"She can't be safe with us. Her life would automatically be forfeit if we stayed." I stepped closer to her and embraced her, taking comfort in the fact that she too had a hole in her heart...a Bella shaped hole.

"I'm still not sure it isn't...the vision...I have a nagging suspicion something is going to go wrong." She said against my chest.

"No. No. Alice, it's just your feelings for her, you want to go back so you're telling yourself what you want to hear. Please do not look for her in your visions."

"Would it be so terrible to change her, to spend eternity with the person you love?"

"I won't condemn her to a life of insatiable thirst."

She broke away and began to walk towards where the family was staying, "And you don't think she has the right to choose?"

"She doesn't know what she would be choosing." I said solemnly.

"You're a fool."

"I know...but that doesn't change the fact that she is safe now."

"It won't get any easier..."

"I know that too." I said dejectedly resigned to my fate of pain.

And with that she took off and I followed slower behind, unable to get rid of the sickening feeling in my stomach. Something wasn't right and it had everything to do with Bella. I was sure it would stay this way forever. And empty queasy feeling in me that would never be right again unless I was with her.

"Oh and stay away from Jasper he already feels terrible enough with his guilt not to mention being around my depressed self - he doesn't need to absorb your despair too." She called back to me.

That won't be a problem, I thought, I won't be in the mood to be around anyone anyways.

**Bella:**

"Yes it is perfect." I heard the voice, cold and detached from behind me.

I made a squelching sound in the mud as I whirled around to see who was speaking. Standing up in fear I froze. The look on my face would be quite comical I'm sure if this was a horror movie - but this was no movie...no one made this part up - this was my moment of death - nothing funny about it.

Not that it really mattered anymore anyways. He already left me - I practically made him leave - telling him to choose like that. No wonder he doesn't want me anymore - I'm too much of a danger magnet - after all death had found me once again. It missed me the first couple times with Edward here to protect me and thwart it's cold grasp but now that he was gone it was coming back for its final grab. Anyone that has met me would assume an early death would be from an accident, klutz that I am, death would come in the form of an out of control van or me falling down a flight of stairs...but this time death - It's final successful grab at me would be in the shape of an enemy.

Victoria.

The furious and triumphant look on her face was enough to convince me that this was the end. Her red vibrant hair matching her eyes and billowing in the rainy wind around her.

At this point I didn't really care. My reason for living was now long gone, without even a second glance - death would be a welcome escape compared to the pain in my chest right now.

"Scared Bella?" she sneered.

"No." I said trying to quell the tremor in my voice.

"You're a terrible liar." she said flying across the gap too fast for me to see and pinning me forcefully against a mossy tree. I grunted as the air rushed out of me.

I didn't say anything, didn't scream. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. Hopefully this would just end quickly.

Unfortunately she released her grip and stepped back, she seemed to be appraising me, breathing in deep and staring intently. She licked her lips and paused, "Bella do you know what my gift is?" Her red eyes flaring.

I shook my head afraid to speak. I could tell right now she wasn't going to make this fast and easy, she would stall and play a bit.

"Yes, few do know, James was always the forefront when we met others, few took much notice to me. My gift is memories...I can read them from people, absorb them, form them, twist them to make my own and even erase them. Tell me what happened to James dear." Her voice cold, hatred and bitterness soaked the ending.

I shook my head but couldn't prevent the memories flooding to my mind. James attacking, biting, dying - Edward sucking the poison out. All of it. I watched horrified as Victoria's glare hardened increasingly. Pain flashed across her face, the same pain I knew I was feeling, she loved James, I immediately thought of Edward's leaving and his words to me.

But how could she possibly read my own memories? My mind was blocked, Edward had tried countless time to read my thoughts.

"Ah Bella, as most humans you are fickle, your memories are tied very tightly with your emotions, with your heart, I can read you like a book." She sneered at my memory of Edward's frustration, she smiled, "He sucked the poison out?"

I didn't reply, she already knew the answer.

"But why? You're his little pet are you not? Why not keep you for eternity?" she prodded, the subject twisting my insides, pain ripping through my chest and memories flooding into my mind of Edward and I in the woods, he didn't want me anymore.

"He doesn't love you anymore? Hmph, Well that won't do...how will I ever make him suffer?" she asked thinking.

I froze. This wasn't about killing me at all, this was about Edward, causing him pain not me. My eyes widened, "No!" I said in disbelief.

"You love him." she said understanding.

There was no point lying to her, "Yes." I said firmly and I knew it true. I would always love him.

She nodded, "And James bit you."

"Yes." I said again, unsure of where she was headed.

"And Edward stopped the change."

"Obviously." I said before I could help myself. I really was getting tired of these games with her, all I wanted was to crawl into a hole of self pity and forget the world.

"Excellent!" She said excitedly, ignoring my rudeness."Thank you dear girl."

I shook my head confused, "What?" I spat.

"I know how to make him hurt as he has made me."

"No! No you can't! Take me, hurt me, I was the one James went after - it's my fault he's dead." I pleaded angrily, she couldn't hurt Edward!

"Yes, yes, patience human, we're getting to that and frankly you don't have a say in the matter." She said stalking closer with her feline walk. "First I make you hurt. Then I take your memories."

"No..." I said weakly. I didn't want to forget. I told him it was impossible! I wanted the memories, the greatest love, I had to keep it with me.

She just nodded her face brightening as she formed her plan, "Then I leave you alone and watch from a distance, secretly guiding you and him...James was wrong...this will be the the best game."

"Alone..." I whispered, the word hurt, my memories flooding my vision, Alice, Edward, the whole family.

"Yes and you will forget all about him, all of them."

"No. I never will. I love him, I can't forget him. I won't." I shook my head as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Ah Bella, Bella, Bella...you will." she said placing a hand around my neck. "You have no choice. Haven't you ever wondered how I am able to escape capture so easily? How everyone seems to let me out of their grasps just when they have me? That is my gift dear, memories. I can strip you of them all. I can make you forget anywhere from thirty seconds ago to forgetting yourself completely."

"NO! I won't let you!"

"Tut tut tut, no say in the matter. If only he was here now..." She said smiling falsely salting my wounded heart.

"NO! He doesn't want me! I can't lose my memory of him too!" I said bawling. "Just kill me."

"That's not all you will lose...he seemed to be occupied with your humanity...that will be gone too."

"What's the point? He doesn't love me, it won't matter if I see him ever again, I won't remember just like he didn't want me to, it won't phase him a bit! Please don't!" I pleaded as the tears fell onto her hand that was on my throat, her cold hand painfully pressing my necklace into my neck, my voice cracking.

She surprised me when she laughed, "Bella you are so naive, do you really think the love you two had would be taken away so easily? He could just wake up one day and be done? Feelings for you are there child, why else would he put all this work in to keep you alive and human? You forget I was there when we met in the baseball field, I saw all his greatest memories flash when James decided to prey on you. Everyone of them were of you. This will hurt him more than killing you would...especially since you'll have no clue who he is."

She was going to change me. He didn't want me. But she was making it sound like he still loved me... Where was I supposed to go? Without memories how am I supposed to know what to do...I could kill someone. My heart was pounding, I felt sick and lightheaded as my head whirled. And what about guiding us...what did that mean?

Suddenly it hit me. She planned on forcing us to meet again.

My heart rose at the thought but then fell just as quickly. My breath was quickening as panic set in. Seeing him again was a wonderful thought but not remembering him, or him having to see me again...when he didn't want to and _especially_ when he didn't want to see me as a vampire...it would destroy him. I believed her and I understood, he did have feelings for me but didn't want me around...seeing me like this and not remembering him would make him feel guilty.

I wanted that less than I wanted anything in the world. He already felt so guilty for his life, I wouldn't ever want to add to it as much as I already had.

My heart shattered again at the thought.

"No, please. Don't do this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you lost James, I know how you feel...please don't do this!"

She smiled. "Yes, you know...but he does not."

I shook my head, my body convulsed as I felt her teeth rip through the layers of skin. "Mercy..." was the word that escaped my lips before darkness over took me and the fire burned.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Brightness crept over my eyes, I slowly opened them. They widened and adjusted to the light and the clarity before me. I could see everything clearly, the sun above me was perfectly round and I felt as if I could see each individual ray it was emitting. The clouds in the sky were fluffy and white, beautiful. I inhaled. I inhaled more as thousands of smells entered me.

Spice, wildflowers, grass, water, salt, bark, dirt. All of it was intense and overpowering. I sat up sniffing like crazy.

"Ah finally." I heard a crystal clear voice behind me.

I launched to my feet and crouched defensively, startling myself as a growl rumbled in my chest, a fire burning my throat as I looked around, a disgusting bile taste entering my mouth. Behind me stood a gorgeous red haired woman. She had beady red eyes and was standing erect, she didn't seem predatory or a threat at all. I continued to crouch, something about this woman made me think i should be cautious. Maybe it was the self-righteous look on her face or the confidence in her stance. It made me think she knew something I did not.

"Who are you?" I snarled, the rumbling in my chest rising but my voice clear and beautiful like bells.

"That's no concern of yours...tell me who are you?"

I thought about this for a second, who was I? "I don't know."

She smiled at this. "Excellent. Well I do know, you're name is Isabella."

"Isabella." I repeated slowly...it sounded right but wrong at the same time.

She nodded a smile that was strangely evil creeping on her lips. "Isabella, it was a pleasure meeting you...but I really have to be going. I have some things to see to." she said.

"Wait. Who are you? What happened? Why don't I remember anything about myself?"

"Oh you just bumped your head, I had to save you - so you're not human anymore."

I shook my head, feeling my head for a wound, "What!? Not human?" I appraised her, she was inhumanly beautiful but still physically human, what the hell was she talking about? Had to be a joke.

"Vampire, to be more exact. You know - live forever, suck blood, indestructible, never sleep, sparkle." She replied nonchalantly. "You'll be fine, just let your instincts take over." and then she turned and took off. I was about to run after her but a part of me thought better of it - the red haired vixen had bad news written all over her. What kind of bullshit is she trying to tell me - vampire?

That's fairy tale stuff.

I looked around and then I stiffened. I held my hand up. The sun was reflecting off of it and sending shards of light in every direction. It looked like there was diamonds embedded in my skin. I sparkled...I knew enough to know that it was not normal. I thought hard, my mind seemed huge, full of information and areas that I had no clue how it got there. I knew grass was green, I vaguely remembered eating mash potatoes and roast beef, lots of fish. I knew how to spell things, speak, what things around me were and I realized I knew what vampires and humans were. I knew the differences. I just had no clue of how I knew this stuff or who I was. Or where I was...

I took a few steps out into the woods surrounding me. I found a cliff and looked down. There were rocks and tree branches the entire way down the cliff face. Indestructible she had said. I looked around again and walked toward a small spruce tree, might as well test the theory out first. I grasped the trunk with both hands and pulled. It easily slipped out of the ground, roots and all.

"Woah." It was easier than I though, the power I had to use was minimal at most. I chucked the branch down the cliff face. It landed tip up in a rock. "Holy!" I exclaimed excitedly. I don't know how I knew it but I had never been or felt this powerful before! I knelt down, and sprang upwards. I soared straight up to the tree tops easily and landed perfectly stable on the ground again. "This is so cool."

I then leaped off the cliff without a second thought.

I landed one footed on a rock and proceeded down the cliff hopping easily from branch to rock all the way to the bottom.

That's when the burning took over. My throat was on fire. I needed a drink, I went to the spring I could smell and cupped water in my hands up to my mouth, immediately choking and spitting it out. _Right, Vampire._ I thought and laughed. Oops. I sniffed the air, and was overcome by a delicious smell, spicy and sweet at the same time. East! I ran off after it, my legs carrying me so fast through the woods. The speed was oddly familiar, I dodged trees with ease as my nose led me to the source.

I froze as the source came into sight. I was yards off but I could see him perfectly. A man stood in a clearing, his face smashed against a camera and pointed to the trees. He appeared to be bird watching. He smelled so good, my mouth watered and I crept forward silently. Swiftly and efficiently I crossed the divide between us and had him pinned on the ground. I smiled as my focus was drawn to the throbbing in his neck. The source of the smell, it smelt so good, I wanted to savour it. That's when I heard an ear piercing scream. I looked around wildly to find the source before I realized it was coming from the man, then another sound overcame that one, the blood was pumping faster in his vein and I could resist no longer, I drove my teeth into his neck and drank deeply.

The taste was even better than his smell.

I drained him quickly.

When I was finished I stood up and looked down at my meal. A sadness crept over me seeing his face contorted and frozen in a silent painful scream. I felt horrible. My chest heaved and I began to sob but no tears came. I had just ended a life, someone would be looking for this man. He could have been a husband, brother, father...and I had ended it in seconds. I was a monster...

I turned and ran from him, remorse filling me and I drove my legs faster into the woods away from him. I vowed then to never taste a human drop of blood again. I would not kill another innocent being for myself. I knew enough of the pain I felt to know I was not a selfish being. I wondered if there was anyone out there looking for me, a family I had once that was sad that I had left...I wondered if anyone missed me.

I pushed the painful thoughts out and focused on my immediate issue. I had to learn to avoid harming another human and I knew it would take some time for self control to come. I also had to find something else to survive off of. A lingering thought or memory hit me, animals had blood. I could feed on that. I sniffed the air hesitantly, scared of catching another humans scent. I could smell blood, not nearly as appetizing as before but still edible - had to be animal. I headed towards it and heard a large animal in the trees. I found a mountain lion lazily lounging on a branch. Without another thought I sprang up an opposite one and crossed the divide landing on the branch and pouncing on my prey. The cat squirmed beneath me, his claws ineffectual as he fought back, I snapped his neck and drove my teeth in once again. Drinking deep I found the blood warm and dulled the fire. It would just take some getting used to.

Finishing up with him I buried him beneath the tree silently apologized to him and the man before him. I could do this. I was full and not as thirsty now, I tried to organize a plan. What on earth would I do now that I could live forever?

I looked around at the wildlife around me. It was daunting and I was alone. I brought my hand to my throat absently stroking something around my neck. I paused and took the necklace off. I fingered it gingerly, it was beautiful, I rubbed the diamonds on it and flipped it over. There was an inscription! "_Love. Trust. Forever._" I repeated the words. I could remember no one giving me this...but the proof was there, someone was out there. Someone knew me...or the old me anyways.

I had to find them.

I had an idea, and no idea where it came from - Pheonix - I would start there, something about that word sent a chill through me and at this point it was the only lead I had.

For now I was alone, but I would work to find my life again.

**Alice:**

"NO!"

"Al! What is it? What's wrong?" Jasper was at my side in a flash worry all over his face.

I shook my head the vision leaving me. "No. no..." I murmered going over it in my head.

"Alice your fear is overwhelming me, your terrified, please tell me whats wrong."

I felt his arms encircle me and I melted into his chest. "I...I don't know."

"Okay, lets try to go over what you saw? That usually helps." He said rocking me back and forth. We were in New Haven, Connecticut. I had taken Jasper away from the house in Alaska, everyone's poor moods were wreaking havoc on my husband and I knew I wasn't helping. We were all hurting from leaving Forks, the one place we rarely had to hide, the one place we had an outside source who knew us all and loved us for who we were. Bella. I hadn't seen her in years...almost ten. I left without saying goodbye.

I hurt her and I knew it. Edward thought it would be a clean break but I knew better, Bella would be deeply scarred, my leaving like that was morally wrong. Bella was my best friend and I abandoned her without a word of explanation. Knowing Bella she had taken it personally, probably thinking I hated her guts which was not the truth. She was my sister - I loved her and left only on Edward's stupid whim.

_Edward_...I growled thinking... leaving her days after me was even worse and she didn't have her best friend around to help her out. Jasper had to physically restrain me on more than one occasion from going back to her.

"Alice?" Jasper called to me breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry hon." I said sighing.

"You were thinking of her." he said, no one said her name out loud anymore. It hurt too much. Edward was locked in the attack, coming out only once a month to feed and staying up there the rest of the time, not moving a muscle.

I sighed thinking about him and my vision, "How did you guess?"

"I felt the pain."

"The pain's always there." I said sadly.

"Yes but when you think of her directly it worsens...I can feel it Alice, tearing at us both...I'm so sorry love."

"Its not your fault, it's his." I said referring to Edward.

Jasper nodded and kissed my cheek, I took his face in my hands, "It is not your fault." I told him. "Attacking at the birthday party - it took a toll on everyone's self control, we all had to leave the room. Honestly Jasper if you had really wanted to hurt her you would have, a military trained man could have easily gotten rid of Emmett and Rose and got to her."

"Maybe." he said stiffly. unconvinced.

I sighed again, "I know it. You had spent your entire vampire life until you met us feeding on humans, it takes time to break a habit so strong." I kissed him on the lips.

"Enough, your fear is killing me, what did you see?"

I shuddered and his grip tightened around me. "I saw...I saw...her, broken, defeated, scared and lonely."

"Bella?" he whispered.

"I think it was her...it was hard to tell it was dark and...and she was different looking. Jazz it was horrible. She was curled in a ball, eyes wide open in fear and despair, covered in dirt, her clothes ripped and her hair tangled in a wild mess."

"Could you hear anything?"

"Water dripping...and oh my god."

"What?"

"Love, Trust, Forever." I said eyes widening as I looked at him. "She has the necklace I gave her on her birthday!...He forgot to take it along with the other things that would remind her of us. She was wearing it the day he left. Jazz, she had it in her hand clutching to it for dear life..."

"Alice...why are you so scared."

"She needs me. I have to find her, I refuse to let her go on like that."

"What about Edward?" he asked as I got up and started packing a back pack.

"Fuck Edward." I said heading out the door, "I got the vision for a reason, she needs me and I'm going. It's time I started acting like her best friend."

A/N: I hope you liked this chapter. i know kind of rushed but lets face it we all want her and eddie to figure their shit out!

TO those of you who question her 'lingering memories' I have to tell you - her mind is a sheild yes and her memories are tied into her emotions so Victoria could read them but she couldnt erase them from her mind completely because of the shield factor so they are there but the key facts are gone. Also sometimes its Victoria placing some of a memory in her head "guiding her" all eventually explained promise!

Also Bella's only power is not the shield cuz that's sort of lame.


	7. Reunited

haha so apparently i am procrastinating like crazy from studying for my midterms...I hope you enjoy this mess.

Chapter 7: Reunited

**Alice:**

"So what exactly are you planning to do?" Jasper asked me as we sped off in his Mercedes. I saw worry etched on his strong facial features.

"I plan on finding her."

"Uh-huh...and how exactly?"

"Well...I don't know, the vision didn't exactly pinpoint her location for me.... It did sound like it was raining though." I thought, remembering the eery dripping sound in the background.

"Well that narrows it down." he said sarcastically trying to lighten my mood without using his gift.

"Yeah well it's all I've got, I've made my decision to go after her - now I just have to wait for another..." And cross my fingers that it leads me to her, I thought.

"Alice...that could take years." he said gently.

"If that's what it takes...I'll search that long. I will gladly spend eternity making it up to her." I said forcefully, full of conviction.

"Al...I know you want to help her out but really...you have to live your life too."

"Jazz what's years to us? How can you say that knowing how much she means to this family?" I knew what he meant but did he honestly think I would just leave her after seeing something like that? He had to know me better than that!

He put his free hand in mine, "I just don't want to see this destroy you...what if...what if the worst happens. What if you can't find her or you do and she..."

"She's not dead," I said quietly, "Please understand, I got this vision without looking for it, without seeing her in years - it has to mean something! I abandoned her before I won't do it twice, I have to find her."

Jasper sighed as I looked out the window. I was hoping like hell for a vision. Something, anything to tell me what I was doing was on the right track. Anything to show me she was still alive...something to lead me to her.

None came. I huffed in frustration, now that I was looking for her of course no vision would come.

"Well where do we go?" He asked me.

"I don't know..." I thought..."Forks? We could start there?" My heart wanted me to believe thats where she was. Where it all started and all ended.

He was quiet for a moment he seemed to be arguing with himself internally. "Alice I think we should tell Edward. No, before you freak out on me - I mean we should ask for his help - cover the ground better, he could read thoughts of people in the town - we need his help." He ran his hand through his golden hair, "he deserves the chance to make things right again."

I sighed this time, he was right, "Fine. We'll stop off there first but if he says no or asks me not to go looking - I'm going to anyways."

"I know, I know..."Fuck Edward"" he quoted my earlier sentiment and leaned back into his seat for the drive leaving me to my cosmic search.

********************************************************************************************************

Arriving to our Alaskan home late into the night we silently pulled up the drive. It had just begun to snow. Normally I would relish in it, catch snowflakes in my mouth and even run and make snow angels - but not tonight. I was on a mission and I was here for one reason and one reason only - I needed to speak to my idiotic brother sulking in the attic. This would not be a social visit - it was time he got his butt in gear and did something for himself, for her, for all of us.

"Edward!" I called, unable to keep the anger out of my voice, "I need to speak with you ASAP!" Barging in the front door.

"Alice? Dear, it's so good to see you! What's wrong?" Esme asked giving me a brief hug. I missed her, I wanted to absorb her loving touch, but I couldn't get distracted now.

"You'll find out as soon as he does." I said breaking away gently, "Where is he?"

I heard a snort from the left, "Where has he been these last 9 and a half years?" It was Rose.

"Hi Rose." I muttered waving to her, I knew she was just as pissed off as I was at him for this and her voice didn't contradict me at all. This little stunt of his had seriously disrupted life for us, Rosalie taking that fact the hardest. She liked to live as normal as possible and Alaska WAS NOT cutting it. Not to mention the fact that for 9 years we all barely spoke to each other let alone stay in the same room for longer than ten minutes. We couldn't bare to see each others pain as we were so absorbed in our own. Everyone was sad for leaving the way we did and felt guilty for not making Edward see sense when it happened. Guilty for not making him stay.

"Attic." Carlisle informed me coming to the room now.

I nodded and bolted up the stairs. On my way I prayed to whatever higher power was out there for one thing - _give me a new vision so he can see it himself!_

I barged through the attic door, a rank and stuffy scent wafted into my nose. I wrinkled it in disgust. The place was filthy, fully of dust and there he was against the wall knees to his chest and covered in a layer of dust. He didn't look much different to the Bella in my vision. Pain seized my chest again as I took a tiny step forward.

"Pathetic." I said, pity quieting my anger some.

"Go away Alice." I heard him whisper.

"No. Not until you listen to what I have to say."

"Please leave me alone." he pleaded. Edward hardly ever pleaded with anyone - usually it was forceful - his way or the highway.

"I'm afraid I can't do that Edward. I came to ask for your help and to show you something..."

"I'm not in the mood...I know what you want and the answer is no. I promised." he began

"No, I'm not taking no for an answer Edward! This is rediculous!" I stood down to him before when he wanted us to leave, I followed his wishes and now he expected me to do it again.

"I promised her! There is nothing rediculous about it!" He shouted getting up swiftly and sending dust everywhere, he grabbed my shoulders tightly.

"Look at you!? How does this make any sense in that thick skull of yours? Edward! Please see past your blinding pain, see what has become!" I pleaded as he forced me out of the room. I was barely able to show him a glimpse of my vision before he slammed the door in my face. But not before I saw worry cross his face. At least the vision broke through his barriers, now all he needed to do was let it stew and make his move. He would eventually see reason.

At least I hoped he would.

"Leave her be Alice!" he shouted between the door and I could hear him begin to pace the room.

Pacing was progress at least. "You're an idiot." I told him through the door and headed back down stairs.

"What was that about?" Emmett asked as I entered the dining room where everyone was waiting.

"Alice had a vision." Jasper said.

"Of...Bella." I said loud enough that I knew he heard me upstairs, I heard him growl in pain. It was the first time the name had been spoken in quite some time in the house.

"And..." Emmett asked ending my thought process.

"And she needs me." I said simply.

"What happened in the vision?" carlisle asked.

I took a deep breath recalling the vision, "I saw her alone, in a dark place, her eyes stuck open in fear and almost desperate sadness...it was horrible....she's covered in filth, her hair is dampened and tangled... she's a mess. I didn't recognize her. She looks so...different." I shuddered and was unable to quell the tremors coursing through me, thinking of the vision was causing me pain and sadness again - so much so that Jasper had to leave the room.

"How do you know it's her then?" Rose asked.

"She was stroking the necklace we gave her, repeating the words engraved on it over and over again."

Everyone fell silent. Knowing it had to be Bella, you would have thought hearing the torment in my voice would be enough to convince them.

My chest began to heave, I wished I would be able to produce some tears. Some release for the overwhelming inner turmoil going on right now. I felt Esme's mothering touch encircle me. "Shh" she said softly. She stroked my hair soothingly.

"And you don't know where she is or when this vision takes place?" Carlisle asked me worried.

"No idea." I said quietly a hopeless feeling engulfing me. She could be anywhere.

This planet was huge...so much could have changed in ten years...panic began to set in as I thought of the possibilities...was I too late? Was she dead?

As if hearing my thoughts Carlisle spoke. "I'll call the hospital see if I can pull some strings and track down her file. I was her doctor enough times, shouldn't be too hard to find out where she was last." he said and he headed to his study at vampire speed I could already hear him dialing the phone.

"Yeah, knowing her she probably recently broke something." Emmett agreed chuckling lightly, "So, what's your plan?" he asked me as he flexed his muscles eager to do something rather than mope around the house like everyone else.

"Find her." I said simply.

"That's elaborate." Rose said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes and huffed.

"Well it's all I got right now." I said defending the lameness in my voice once again just as I had with Jasper.

"Works for me!" Emmett said cheerfully.

"No, we're not going."

"Aw c'mon Rose, she needs our help! Bells could be anywhere!"

It didn't surprise me that Rose wouldn't want to help us look for Bella. She was pretty sour about the disruption of her life and if anyone could hold a grudge better than Edward it was Rosalie. It did however surprise me _why_ she was refusing to help.

"Edward asked us not to interfere. We should respect his wishes, looking for her and finding nothing would only make things worse." she said getting up from the table, "I'm sorry Alice." and with that she rubbed my arm and headed upstairs. Emmett sighed, gave me a sympathetic look and followed.

"I have to go." I told Esme.

"I know dear." she said soothingly, "We'll call you as soon as we have any information."

"I'll be in Forks." I told her. "And if he comes around make sure he hunts before coming." I whispered referring to Edward.

She nodded. "Keep your head down, we don't want any of the locals seeing you and wondering why you haven't aged at all." she reminded me giving me a hug and kiss and seeing me out the door.

Jasper met me outside, the car was already running. "I'm running, it'll be faster cutting cross country." I told him, "I'll meet you there." We would need the car if we found her.

With a quick kiss and a final glance to the attic I headed back the familiar way towards Forks. It felt like I ran there everyday the path was so familiar to me. I had visited our extended family in Alaska many times, gone back and forth on countless of trips but this one was different. This one felt heavy to me, like I was carrying a huge weight back this time. I was completely unsure of what I was about to stumble upon in our old home town. My vision had not been expanded even though these decisions had been made, I was essentially blind for this mission.

And that scared me.

**Bella:**

"Love....Trust....Forever...."

it had been my mantra for so many years now I had lost all sense of time. I searched and scoured the globe and found nothing. Nothing at all to who I was. No keys to unlocking my past. The best I had done was find a burnt down dance studio. All the building did was give me a shiver down my spine. No memory flooded to me, no recollection of any kind came to me. It was a dead end. Just like that my mission had failed. Just like that my fire of hope this necklace had given me had died. I continued to look, looking at hospital records, hoping something would jump out at me. I looked around locally but there was not much I could do in the city at night - it was too risky to search during the daytime the sun shone brightly in Phoenix pretty much everyday of my visit.

The most I had unlocked was that the necklace was purchased at a Tiffany's and I searched the globe trying to find the one that sold it. To this day I have not found the store that sold it.

Finally I had made it back to the town I had woke up in. The town that this sad existence started for me. Forks it was called. Dismal, bleak and an almost constant cover of rain. Really it was ideal for a vampire such as myself but after a few years of living in complete isolation in the woods I found it depressing. The nights were the worse.

I always felt like something was missing at night.

It was missing during the day too.

It was always missing.

Love was missing.

I knew it and I felt the absence in my tireless waking nightmare of a life.

The only comfort I could draw from was the necklace and it's light was growing dimmer and dimmer.

Hope had left me long ago.

I knew I was beautiful, any human I saw would look at me with awe but not of recognition. It was sad to see them fall head over heals in love with me and know they didn't know anything about me, know it was only my predator gifts drawing them in.

I sucked in a breath. My vision clouded and was filled with another.

I could see a girl in a cave, in a fetal position, mumbling and she looked as if she was crying. She was covered in dirt and rocking back and forth. The scene was deeply saddening and I wanted to look away but I could not. I could hear water dripping against rock and then the form moved, sat crouched and staring, growling at something I could not see. Then point of view was changed, it seemed like I was looking out of the girls eyes, there was someone else present. Someone standing in the mouth of the cave, someone petite.

And just like that it was gone.

"No!" I shouted.

I thought about what just occurred. Nothing had ever happened like before. I looked around where I was, this could only mean one thing. Someone was close.

It was the only solution, someone with a gift was close and I was absorbing their power. I did that in the presence of other vampires, oddly able to use their powers as well as they could. The only questions remained were who was it and did they know I was here? Would the newcomer be friend or foe?

I looked around the cave, I realized the vision I had was of me. My eyes darted to the opening and I immediately crouched as a figure appeared before me. Just like me in the vision.

So that was their gift - they were a seer.

I growled low and fierce. Everyone I had ever met who had a gift had been evil. Every other creature like myself had been threatened by my ability and made moves to end it or harness it for their own twisted use.

This would be no different.

"Bella?" the silhouette called into the cave. It was dark in here but I knew they could vaguely see me. But who did they think I was?

"Stay back." I growled.

I saw the figure raise it's hands and take a couple steps back. "Please... come out...I just want to..." they said.

I barked a laugh and cut her off, "Why? Come out so you can ambush me?"

"Why would I ambush you?" the voice asked confused taking a step forward.

I growled again and the movement stopped.

"Bella? it's me Alice." the female said. Her voice cracking, worried. Her eyes squinted as she stared into the cave. I realized she was trying to get a better look at me.

"I don't know an Alice." I said truthfully, my eyes roaming for another exit if it would be needed. The name rolled off my tongue easily but I knew in the 10 years I could remember I had never said the name before.

"Oh..I'm sorry I thought you were someone I knew." the voice said turning around and heading away from my cave. She sounded hurt.

I hesitated at the sound and then I crouched forward to the mouth of the cave. I took a hesitant look around outside. I could see and smell no other but her. Not an ambush. I don't know what instinct made me do it but I called to the girl, I wanted to stop her, I felt...guilty for making her sad...a feeling I had never felt since my first and only human killing. "Who are you looking for?"

She stopped and turned to look at me, she was so tiny, her angelic face contorted with pain when she looked at me, but also recognition. Her hair was short and spiky, it had stray leaves in it. The sight mixing with her clearly designer outfit almost made me laugh. Almost. How could I be afraid of someone that seemed to be in as much pain as I was.

"I'm looking... Oh this is ridiculous, my eyesight is good but not that good! Please come out into the light so I can speak to you properly."

I hesitated at the request and crouched lower. She held up her hands, "I just...I promise I won't hurt you."

I don't know why but I believed her. I think I...trusted her. I stood erect. I believed she wanted to cause no harm to me. And even if she did I was practiced enough in killing our kind for envying my power that I could take her.

I took a step forward into the rising light of the morning.

The girl fell to her knees.

I took another step forward seeing pain on her face and wondering why she was so hurt. She was mumbling something so fast I couldn't catch it.

"Um, Alice right? Are you okay?" I asked, the kindness in my voice shocking me, I had never been nice to anyone as far as I knew.

**Alice**:

A vision hit me as I walked vampire speed through the woods. I was following a scent strangely familiar and then I saw what I was following. A billowing red mane of hair was before me. I growled, what was Victoria doing here? I immediately give chase and she smiled and took of. I sped after her chasing through the woods, bearing left. She was almost as fast as Edward, I was having trouble gaining any ground on her. In fact I was losing her.

I was running at top speed. I looked around. And stopped.

Why was I running?

I sniffed the air. "Bella?" I whispered. I could smell her scent but it was different. Tainted almost but strangely stronger than the last time I saw her. I walked forward in the direction I was running and I was hit with a vision. It was the same vision as before but this time I saw myself in it. I had found her!

I kept following my path until I found what I was looking for.

The cave from the vision.

I crept forward afraid to startle her. I came to the opening it was pitch black in the cave, no natural light to help me see. I could only faintly see the figure before me, "Bella?" I called to her. Hoping it was really her I had found.

"Stay back!" she growled.

That couldn't be Bella. Growling? Unless...I raised my hands and stepped back from her. She was hostile. I asked her to come out.

"Why? so you can ambush me?"

I froze. What was with her? "What would I ambush you?" I asked stepping forward, concern filling me. What had happened to her?

I heard another growl and I stopped. Maybe it wasn't her after all. I had to be sure though, I came all this way, got the visions...I had to know. "Bella? it's me Alice." I called desperation taking my voice.

"I don't know an Alice."

She doesn't...she doesn't know who I am...it's not her...

"Oh..I'm sorry I thought you were someone I knew." I turned and headed back the way I came. Sadness that had momentarily left me when I found the cave was now back full force. It wasn't her. All of this for nothing. I was back at square one with no clue where Bella was. I had already been to her house, her room was the same as it had been but her and Charlie were no where to be found. The house was closed up like no one had been there in a very long time. None of it made any sense. Charlie would never up and leave everything behind, Forks was where he belonged. Something was wrong.

"Who are you looking for?" the girls voice rang to me, beautiful and familiar. Almost like...but that was just wishful thinking...she had no idea who i was.

I peered back into the cave, "I'm looking... Oh this is ridiculous, my eyesight is good but not that good! Please come out into the light so I can speak to you properly."

She seemed to hesitate, on her guard, I held up my hands, "I just...I promise I won't hurt you." I told her truthfully. I had no intention of fighting with her. To be honest I didn't have a fight left in me.

She stood and came into the light.

The unneeded breath flew out of me and leveled me to my knees. It was her. I would know that face anywhere, know that scent and coloured hair......as changed as it was...as dirt covered as she was. I knew her.

As vampire her features now were...I still knew her.

"No....no....no it can't be...she...." I mumbled. My head reeling. "We left...we left to prevent it....he was wrong...Bella." I inwardly cursed myself for not following my instincts years ago. I should have come back to her, hell I shouldn't have left.

"Um, Alice right? Are you okay?" her voice came to my thoughts, as kind as I remembered it.

I looked up at her. "You don't know me?" I asked to use the word 'remember'...I didn't want to frighten her..she was clearly in a fragile state.

She took a small step forward and then a few others and held out her hand to me. I sucked in a breath. Bella. Seeing her up close like this I knew for sure. Without a doubt - it was her. "Sorry. No." she said and she really did seem sorry.

I took her hand allowing her to pull me up, and she studied the contact. A slow smile coming to her lips.

I looked at our hands as well, Bella's temperature for the first time in our lives finally matched my own. "What is it?" I asked hoping she would remember me. Hoping this would be like the movies, hoping that the touch would bring back some form of realization.

I was fighting the urge to hug her. I wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay now. Tell her we'd never be apart like that again. But I couldn't. She had no idea who I was and I was so afraid to frighten her off, Bella was hostile by nature now, I could only imagine what horrors she had faced in our absence, all alone.

"Perfect fit." she commented about our hands before releasing me, still smiling small. I felt my face fall. She had no clue who I was this wasn't hollywood. "So who's Bella?" she asked.

I paused, I wanted to scream at her, tell she was Bella but I thought better of it. "Um, I'll get to that, first can I ask you your name?"

"Isabella." she said.

I smiled. "Well, like I said, I'm Alice and I was looking for someone I knew long ago."

"Really? Me too." she said sadly.

"Oh yeah who?" i asked hoping she would give me some sort of clue about what she knew about herself.

She smiled, "I don't know." her voice was so sad. I fought the urge to gather her in my arms, I resigned to placing a hand on her shoulder, she flinched at my movement but then relaxed when she realized it wasn't a threat.

"You don't know?" I asked.

"No...I don't remember...I don't remember anything from before my change."

I sympathized with her, when I was changed I was exactly the same way. I knew what it was like to walk the world alone, and I at least had my vision of Jasper leading me. Bella had no one. "I'm sorry. I know the feeling. I don't remember my human life either."

"You know who you are looking for though..." she said.

"Bel-Isabella...could we sit down? I have something to tell you." I said thinking about throwing caution to the wind, I would have to do it gently.

We sat down on a nearby rock overlooking the valley of trees. It was pretty, the sun was just coming up with the promise of a new day. "What if...what if I told you I was looking for you?" I said quickly and quietly watching her face.

Her eyes widened and then darkened. "You're one of them aren't you?" she said getting up from the rock looking around fearfully.

I stood up and held my hands up again hoping to let her know I wasn't a threat, "One of who sweetie?"

"Volturi! Volturi guard! This isn't the first time they have tried to get me!" She shouted at me crouching low. "I won't do it! I won't become one of them! They're evil! Stay away from me."

"No, no I'm not. I promise. I'm not one of them." I said panicking, she was going to run, she was afraid of me, I would lose her again.

"Lies!" She said running forward so fast I didn't have time to brace myself, next thing I knew I was pinned on the ground with her foot on my throat.

"I'm not one of them. I swear." I said.

"How do I know you're telling the truth? They're not exactly opposed to lying to get what they want!" she spat, her voice was hurt.

"I'm not. Calm down, I swear to you - I AM NOT GOING TO HURT YOU. I never could." I said. Never again. I amended in my mind.

She relaxed a little at the sincerity but remained far off. "Prove it." She released me and back up again.

I thought and then I reached into my shirt and pulled the necklace off. "I know who you were before your change." I said holding the necklace up and tossing it to her before I got on my feet again.

She caught it never taking her scared eyes off of me. Then she looked at the necklace. She compared it to hers. Her own was dirty but they were identical - I knew.

"How did you?" She asked softly.

"I bought them....years ago." I said stepping forward so we had only 2 feet apart from us. Her breathing was erratic, she was about to cry a tearless cry.

She looked up at me..."I...don't...how can I?" For the first time I realized what I hadn't - Bella's eyes weren't red. They were topaz like my own. Bella fed on animals!

"I know. It's okay, you don't remember. Please just look at me, in the eye, they are just like yours! I feed on animals as well."

She looked at me, she knew the colour was matching her own, her posture softened, i had broken through a layer of her defenses.

"Bella, who I was looking for was you..."

"My name is Isabella." she said flatly.

"Yes, full name but when I knew you, you went by Bella."

"Bella..." she repeated. "That's a kids name."

I laughed, "You always said Isabella was too formal."

She thought about this...her face hardened and sadness was in her eyes, "I don't remember." And she began to cry. "I don't understand...I was human...you were a vampire? How?"

I crossed the distance and put my arms around her. She tried to fight my grip but I held fast trying to calm her down, "shhhhh" I said thankful Esme was my mother, thankful she taught me how to be like this, "It's okay..." I felt her relax in my arms. I leaned back to look at her, "You can trust me." I told her.

She blinked at me, "I don't trust anyone."

"I'm so sorry." I said as I began to cry. We had made her this way. Cold and distant. Alone.

"For what?" she asked picking up on my remorse, knowing it was more than sympathy in my voice and tears. I stepped back and went back to the rock. I had explaining to do.

"Bella I'll explain it all to you."

Just then my phone rang.

"Hello?"

_Alice. Alice...Bella is...I'm so sorry._

"Carlisle? What?"

_Bella disappeared almost ten years ago...they declared her dead. __She's dead Alice.  
_

"No, Carlisle... Well yes, she is dead technically but she's...not dead."

_No...she's...turned? Who?_

"I don't know, she can't remember..."

_Oh my god. We're on our way. Meet us at the house._

I hung up the phone and looked at Bella. She was staring at me with fearful eyes again. I stood up. "That was Carlisle, my family is on their way."

"You mean your coven." she said peering at me, suspiciously.

"No, I mean my family. My father, mother, brothers and sister. Isabella? Will you come with me? I have something to show you..and we can get you cleaned up."

I knew where to take her, we would go home. To Bella's house, see if we can jog her memory, pictures had to be there still. Something had to help.

**Edward:**

When Alice left I felt just as terrible as always but more so. I felt like a thousand knives were piercing my chest at once. I had seen her. I didn't recognize her but I had a feeling...a feeling that the pathetic form in the dark of Alice's vision was my Bella.

I heard the conviction in Alice's voice as she went over the vision to the family. I didn't want to believe it.

A part of me wanted to break through my sanctuary's wall and find her but I made a promise.

We never existed.

I promised.

*******************************************************************************

"Pathetic."

Alice was right. This was rediculous. Bella needed us. I was an idiot. I stopped my pacing, noticing I was wearing the floor down because of my repetitive pattern.

I was so convinced it was her in the vision now, I had gone over it again and again and found the same conclusion as Alice. It had to be her. My heart broke once again.

Then I heard Carlisle on the phone to Alice. For the first time I listened to what he was saying.

Dead?

Bella is dead?

I roared and flew downstairs.

"DEAD!? NO!!" I refused to believe it.

"No not dead...Edward...Bella is one of us."

I stumbled at his words falling into the couch. One of us? Bella was a vampire? "When? How?"

"She doesn't know, can't remember." Carlisle told me.

"You're leaving something out...what aren't you telling me?" I asked realizing he was blocking his thoughts.

"It's not important." he said.

I growled and lunged at him. I felt Emmett's arms tighten around me and hold me back.

"TELL ME!" I screamed.

"Bella disappeared almost ten eyars ago Edward."

I froze, my struggle weakened again and Emmett was now holding me up. Ten years ago. Right after we left..."No.." I said dumbly.

"Edward, we're going to see her. Come on, she's in Forks."

They grabbed the car keys and headed to the garage. I took off into the woods. Heading for Washington as fast as I had made myself take me away from there so long ago.

ALice was right, I really was an idiot. My actions caused immeasurable pain for everyone and stopped nothing from coming to pass. Bella was one of us. Alone she had to deal with this burden. All becuase I left her to protect her from this exact thing.


	8. Edward

Yay, update!! Procrastination rises again!

Chapter 8:

**Bella:**

Alice still hadn't told me what was going on with her. She wouldn't tell me why she was crying and apologizing earlier. For the time being I let it drop. I was nervous. Incredibly scared of meeting her...family...that's what she called the other vampires on their way. I decided to focus more on that and be on my guard just in case she was lying to me. I wanted to believe her, but I had dealt with Volturi agents before - they were clever and thought outside the box, this could be another ploy playing on my memory loss. I had to keep my wits about me and stay impartial from my new acquaintance.

This was proving to be difficult. If the Volturi had indeed sent Alice they did choose the right person, she was very likable and I was finding it hard to not trust her. I followed her out of my woods and towards the town. It was still early, before most humans were up, so we went easily using our vampire speed. "Alice where are we going?" I called to her as we ran.

Then she stopped and I had to slam on my breaks to avoid a collision. "Oops, sorry - red light." she joked seeing me struggle to stop.

"What is this place?" I asked looking at the house she was looking at. It was white and shabby looking. There were no signs of life, no cars in the driveway. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"This is your home."

"My home? Need I remind you that you just found me living in a cave?" I said incredulously.

She rolled her eyes, "It was your home before you were changed. Come on, inside might jog your memory." she said pulling my arm I headed for the front door but she changed my direction.

"If this is my house why are we going through the window?" I asked following her lead and jumping to the roof.

"Because it's your bedroom and the window is unlocked. The window was _always_ unlocked."

I followed her inside. The room was small but cute. There were purple sheets on the bed, Christmas lights around the ceiling, an old computer on the desk. There was dust covering everything. I sat down on the bed and a big cloud of dust puffed around me. Realization hit. I froze looking at the floor dejectedly.

"What is it?" Alice asked sitting beside me.

"Dust." I said still looking down, "This much dust means no one has been here in a very long time."

Alice sighed and put a hand on my thigh, "I know, I was here earlier looking for you..."

"If this is my house where is my...family?" I said almost more to myself, the sadness gripping me once again. I knew. There was no one here. I had no family.

Alice took a breath, "This is where you and your dad lived. His name was Charlie."

"Was..." I repeated, sadness gripping me for this man I couldn't remember. "What about my mom?"

"I'm sorry I don't know where she is, last I heard she was in Florida, but she could be anywhere now. And I think Charlie passed away a few years ago. He wasn't the type of man to just up and leave his home...Bella, I believe your dad is dead." She said as she put her arm around me.

"Please don't call me that." I asked her. "That's not my name..." I stood up out of her consoling arm and headed to the dresser, I picked up a photo frame and rubbed the dust away to see who was in it. In front of an old red truck stood a man and a young girl. The man was older with a mustache and kind eyes...Charlie I assumed, a pang of sadness creeping over me again... dead, just like I feared. I looked to the person beside him. I recognized me instantly, I looked different, imperfect but it was me. "I don't even know that girl." I said. Bella...it suited her. She was so awkward looking with her dad, his arm draped lazily on her shoulder. They did look happy though.

I felt Alice's hand on my back again, "I'm sorry. This must be a lot to take in...I promise you though, we'll keep working at it. As long as you want to know who you were, who you are, I'll be here to help."

I turned to face her, "Why would you help me?"

"I know you...I thought you wanted?" she said confused.

"Yes but how? You haven't explained this...you're really nice and everything but, this could be a plant...a clever story to make me trust you." I looked around again at this pathetic state of my old life..."I'm not sure I want to know anymore."

"Isabella," I noticed she was using my name like I asked, she was making an effort to prove herself, "look at me. You can trust me." she grabbed my hands as she said this. A perfect fit...

"You keep saying that, and I do - I want to. I want to trust you Alice, you seem really, very nice...but I've been burned before." I said pulling my hands away and crossing the room to examine the desk. I had to keep my distance, she was wearing down my barriers I had up to protect myself.

A long silence filled the room.

I heard Alice sigh, "We were best friends once..." she said quietly.

I whirled around to look at her sad face. "What?" My barriers shifted, cracked even.

"More like sisters." she said even more quietly. Sadness filled her voice, and I fought the urge to put my arm around her like she had done for me moments ago.

"Sisters..." I said the word slowly...based on Alice's brief synopsis of my home life I was an only child. My family was gone but Alice's words had broken through...I could have a family again. One just like me, complete with a vampire sister.

"A long time ago."

Yes a long time ago. I had to stay strong. I may not remember my life before the change but I definitely remember the time after it - alone, scared and confused. I mentally slapped myself out of my hopes of a family.

"Ten years almost?" I asked sourly...I had a feeling this was one of those things I needed to hear from her, needed to know. But didn't exactly want to hear it. Whatever it was it didn't end well...obviously or I wouldn't have spent 10 years by myself.

"Now, I don't want to overload you here, the mind is a fickle place, but you and I became very close. You became close with my entire family. An accident with a run away van brought you into are lives - what we didn't expect was for you, a human to warm our ice cold hearts."

I swallowed and sat across from her on an old rocking chair. This was all so strange. I believed every word so far of her story and I had no idea why.

She continued, "You found out our secret and didn't run like we expected. You didn't ever once look at us differently again like we expected. You were different from other humans, incredibly more mature for your age and open minded. Accepting and caring to all. That was the day we found out that we had entered your heart as well."

She spoked so beautifully, her eyes seeing something far off in the distance. I was believing her more and more...no one could look recollecting like that without seeing what they were speaking.

"We protected you, you were quite clumsy actually. Fell down at least 3 times a day." she said smiling at me, "We protected you and you protected us by keeping the secret."

**Alice:**

I sat with Bella just as I had so many years ago. Only this time I was filling her in on things she didn't remember. I wished she could. I wanted Bella back, not this damaged version...this Isabella. Then again I was part of the reason she was this damaged version. It was my punishment to have her look at me without realizing who I was.

"Bella..crap, sorry, Isabella," I amended, "This is where the story turns dark...please let me know if you want me to stop...you know let you absorb this."

"Okay...I'm alright.." she said quietly, avoiding my eyes.

"We were playing baseball one night." I continued.

"Baseball with vampires?" she asked me.

"Well you more watched than played," I told her, "Anyways, there was some nomadic vampires in the area who heard us playing. They were curious to see who was in the area and asked to join. That's when one caught your scent, he was a tracker. James chased you across the country."

"James!" She exclaimed and I jumped a little.

"What!? What is it?"

"I, I don't know...James, it just sounds familiar."

"Okay, okay...think, how does it make you feel?" I thought remembering what Jasper had once told me about memories and emotions. It was a shot.

"I'm afraid....there's loss there...lots of fear....but this is weird...courage. I feel strong as well." she looked at me, "I think I remember it, it's there I just can't see it."

"Yes, you were so scared of losing...us, you went to sacrifice yourself in our stead." I told her reaching out and grabbing her hand gently.

"I must have loved you..." she said serenely, a small smile crossed her face briefly.

I got off the bed and knelt beside her. "As much as we loved you." I told her truthfully as brushed her hair back from her face, "as much as we _do_ love you. "

Now she looked sad, "Alice, I'm sorry I don't think that girl exists anymore...I can't see the memory, I only feel it...it's not substantial..." she sounded so lost trying to explain.

"It's okay, we're making progress." I told her and just then I got a vision. I gasped and heard another echo my own.

I saw Edward, he was at the graveyard and then he was at the house pacing...only it was the Forks house. And then I saw Victoria but just a flash of her.

I snapped out of it.

Bella had a bewildered look on her face. I ignored it for the moment and went over it again in my mind. The Victoria part of my vision was far away, almost like it was in the future, Edward was close, he was in the immediate future. I pushed her out of my mind. Edward was coming with the family and he was upset.

"Who was that?" Bella's voice broke me out of my silent thought.

"Sorry, who?" I asked looking around the room.

"The man and the woman..."

I froze..."The man and the woman?"

"In your vision Alice!"

"My...how did you? You saw?"

She rolled her eyes, a light I hadn't seen before this moment, creeping on her face - recognition. "You're power is seeing the future! Mine is absorbing powers...I can use other's gifts...sometimes it happens accidentally but other times if I understand it I can use it freely without the person near me."

My mouth dropped open. Bella had a gift. "Holy crap." I said.

"That was my first reaction too." She quipped. "So who were they?"

"Why? Do you recognize them!?" I asked excitedly.

"The guy - no, but the girl, she was with me when I woke up."

"Victoria was with...oh no..." I said.

"Victoria! That's her name! She told me she saved me! Am I friends with her too? Is she your sister?"

I shook my head, what was going on here, "No sweetie, she was one of the nomads...she was helping James...why would she..." this doesn't make any sense.

"That doesn't make any sense...why would she save me then?"

"I don't know...she's not a good person...there is definitely an ulterior motive with her decision..."

"You don't think she saved me?" she asked me confused.

"Definitely not." I said sadly. I would have to speak to Carlisle about this... then an idea hit me. "EDWARD!" I screamed excited!

"Edward?" she said slowly.

"My brother! He has an ability, he can read minds, Bella...if we remember something about you - you can use his ability and see it for yourself - it might help you unlock something!" I said jumping up and bring her with me. "We need to get you cleaned up first!" I practically threw her into the shower and sped off to turn the main water valve on for her. Then I went to her closet, picked out some old clothes of hers, grumbling at the fact that Edward had thrown out the ones I bought her before he left.

I picked up my phone, "Edward? You're here in 20? Excellent! I will see you there." and I hung up.

Bella came out in a towel, her skin was beautiful marble toned and her hair clean and combed neatly. She was Bella again, at least on the outside.

"Here put these on!" I said handing her the clothes. As she changed in the corner I went around the room picking up some things and throwing them in a bag. I went to the floorboards where I knew Edward had hidden the photos of him and all of the things that would have reminded her of us and pulled them out.

"So that guy..." Bella said casually from behind me.

I smiled, I knew what was coming up next, and I knew i had to be gentle. How exactly did you tell someone who they love? Especially when they don't know the person anymore. I turned around with the shoe box of things in my hand. "You don't remember him either?" That shocked me a little...there love was so strong. "What do you feel when you think of him?"

She looked down and smiled, "Attraction...I think." she said.

I smiled again. "You might want to sit down for this one..."

**Bella**

I sat down like Alice had asked. I looked at the box in her hand confused. She sounded scared...

"Alice?" I said wondering what was wrong. "You're killing my buzz here...for the first time since I can remember I feel like I'm getting my life back..."

"I know, I'm sorry, it's just...I really don't want to overload you here."

I thought about this. No I wouldn't let it overload me, I wasn't even sure I believed it totally...then again, I knew that if this Edward did in fact have the ability to read minds I would be able to tell if they were telling me the truth.

I might as well let her tell me the rest of her story, I can check it later. "Please, go on Alice."

"Edward was..is you're soulmate." she said.

I cocked my eyebrows at her. I was not expecting that.

"You and him were...are in love." she said.

"Love..._in love_...present tense?" I asked, I had never dreamed of having a boyfriend...someone loved me like that'? "Wait...so Edward is one of us? ANd I was human?"

"Yes..."

I stood up, this didn't match up. She had taken her eyes away from mine... "Alice you're not telling me something...how can we be in love now? I mean, something had to have happened...he wasn't around when I was changed?"

"Bella..." she said uncertainly, "you have to understand, he loved you so much that when we saved you from James Edward began to think that we couldn't be around you anymore. It wasn't safe for you. He thought we had to leave. Leave and keep you safe."

"You left?" I said, hurt breaking through my anger, "Wait..you were my best friend right? ...So my boyfriend leaves me and my best friend leaves me too? You left me alone...hurt..."

"I left before him..." she said sadly, she sounded so hurt As hurt as I felt.

"Yeah. Well...that turned out well didn't it!" I shouted angrily as I stood up. "What kind of love is that able to just up and leave someone?"

"We did it for your own good. We thought it would be safer for you!"

"That's ridiculous!" I shouted back.

"That's what I said!" she said exasperated. "Look Bella -" reaching for me.

"Don't call me that! Don't touch me!" I said jumping back. The anger and frustration of my hard ten years surfacing and hardening my shell again.

"You have every right to be angry with us, I want you to be, but I want you to remember...please will you come with me?" I said standing again.

I thought about this. Alice had been so nice..so sincere...could I trust her though?

I had to find out though. I have to go with her. There was two options: go back to my cave and sulk; or go with Alice and possibly find out who I was. That was no choice at all. I was going with her.

"Fine." I said walking to the window and hopping out.

*********

**Edward:**

I was going to see Bella again.

I am going to see the one thing in my life that made sense...as unlikely our pairing had been it had been right, felt right to be with her. The one person, other than my family, who loved me unconditionally.

How many times in these last 10 years had I fought the urge to go see her? Everyday. Every second of everyday we were apart.

To many times.

I was going to see her now.

I had finally gotten to where I was headed. Forks cemetery. I calmly walked around the damp grass hearing the water squish out beneath my feet. And then I found what I was looking for.

The gravestone said "Bella Swan, loving daughter" it didn't have a death date as her body was never found. Would we ever know the true date in which she had been changed forever? I sunk to my knees and felt the spongy earth leak water onto my jeans. I didn't care. The one reason I had left...Bella's safety was so high on my list that i pulled myself from her thinking I was doing her a favour.

None of it mattered. I suffered for that long, put my family through hell too keep her safe and none of it mattered. She had been changed anyways.

It was all my fault.

I should have been there to protect her....should have been there to protect her instead of away to protect her.

But if I stayed she would undoubtably have been killed, James had proven that...

This was so confusing.

I heard a snap behind me in the woods. "Alice?" I called.

"Yeah," she said coming to the clearing, "good to see you out and about Edward."

"Yeah, yeah, where is she?"

"She'll be along-" Alice began to say but I didn't give her the chance to finish, I looked past her and saw what I came for.

"Bella?" I said.

She walked slowly to the edge of the trees.

"Isa-" she corrected.

Her voice was like an angel singing, her hair blew gently in the wind. She looked like heaven. Bella was even more beautiful than before. And her eyes...Bella ate animal blood...she had tamed herself...I was in shock staring and only snapped out of it when ALice cleared her throat.

"...Isabella?" I asked confused. She hated that name.

"...Yeah...Isabella..." she said slowly, giving me a steely look.

"No...Bella." I stated - this time it wasn't a question. She was Bella, my Bella.

"You're not too bright are you? Kind of dense? Not the sharpest tool in the shed? Wheels don't go all the way around? You're shoes don't lace all the way up? You're pants missing their pockets?" she rambled off some insults.

I shook my head, and raised my hands, I stepped forward and she stepped back. "Are you joking with me?"

She squinted her eyes at me, "Did that really sound like I was joking...'cause you know _you are_ kind of proving my point."

"I'm not slow Bella." I said frustrated, was she playing me? Acting like she didn't know who I was? I was expecting her to leap into my arms.

"Isa-" she corrected again.

"What happened to you?" I asked cautiously, the hurt in my heart echoed in my voice.

Alice stepped in this time, "She doesn't remember Edward."

I shook my head unable to look away from Bella, "But...me....she should remember me...Carlisle told me she couldn't....but I thought..."

I watched as Bella slowly walked towards Alice, edging with her back facing the trees, she didn't trust me...she was on her guard...but why?

"Bella are you afraid of me?" I asked noticing she was still looking at me, edging closer to Alice but still stopping with enough distance between the two of them that if she needed to, she could escape.

_Edward, she had met with the Volturi. She thinks this could be a set up._ Alice thought to me.

"And it could!" Bella shouted.

I froze and finally tore my eyes away from her to Alice. "How did she...wait, THE VOLTURI!?!?!" Anger flooded me, how dare they!

"Woah, Edward calm down. Bella can obviously handle herself, she's fine. Oh and her power is absorbtion."

"Absorbtion?" I asked trying to slow my breathing. I didn't want to frighten Bella off.

"I know, it's wicked right? She did it with my visions too." Alice chirped happily.

"Why were you so angry?" Bella's voice rose above Alice's.

I looked at her, I felt so sad. We were back to square one...she shouldn't have to ask these things of me, she should know. She should know I would always want to protect her.

But she didn't know. She had no idea who I was...she didn't even know herself. Bella was not in love with me anymore. My heart broke as I looked into her eyes, I didn't know what to say. I don't want to frighten her even more. "Because I care about you."

**Bella:**

His eyes were filled with unknown sadness.

"I don't even know you." I said.

"I know." he replied dejectedly, his voice cracking.

"Well then you can stop caring. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself I've been doing it for ten years." I took a stab at him, I wanted him to feel pain, it was the same pain I had felt when Alice told me they had left me.

"Okay, okay, that's enough. Come on, lets go to the house. The family would like to see you." Alice interrupted.

"I'm not sure I want to anymore." I said.

"Isabella, come on, we've been through this...we're not Volturi."

"Oh I know that now. I'm just not sure I want that old me back." I spat speaking to Alice, but looking at Edward.

He hung his head, "I'm so sorry." he apologized.

It wasn't enough.

Alice rounded on me and placed her hands on my shoulders, "Look, I know you're hurting, but please, we all are. Even if you don't believe me, I can prove it if you come to the house. Jasper, my husband, has an ability to feel emotions."

"No...I don't think I want to."

"Come on, wouldn't it be better to get your memory back, and be able to decide based on what you remember rather than what you are being told?" Alice pressed looking me in the eye. "Please, I walked away from you before...let me help you now."

I looked into her topaz eyes, saw her sincerity and decided she was right, I want to decide my future with or without these people based on what I remember. "Okay, I'll come..."


	9. Bitter Betty

**Chapter 9:**

So we were off to Alice's house.

It was out of town obviously, secluded within the woods. Well hidden from the humans in the area. The house was beautiful. Not what I expected at all, it was Victorian, white and huge. As old as it was it had been restored magnificently and though ten years of vacancy had claimed the paint on the outside, its beauty was still there.

"Welcome to our home Bella." Alice said as she led me to the front porch. She was calling me Bella so much now that I got tired of correcting her. She didn't seem to be doing it on purpose so I chose to overlook it.

The entire way Edward followed behind us, not a sound escaping him but the sound of his feet hitting the earth.

On the porch Alice faced me. "Now Bella. Try to be calm alright...they are going to be really excited to see you, but will try to keep it in check for you..."

"They know i don't know them right?" I asked, now afraid, what was I getting myself into.

She nodded and grabbed my hand, I shook it loose. "Please don't." I said to her. She looked hurt but resigned, Alice seemed to know this was a huge deal for me, and I was taking a chance on her. I was way outside my comfort zone and touching was not going to help me. Ten years alone, being your own security blanket was enough to be wary of human contact...even if we were vampires.

Alice opened the door and I hesitantly followed her inside. I sneaked a glance at Edward who was sulking behind me silently, he avoided my eyes.

The sight before me was a little unsettling. There were five more vampires awaiting us, three were seated and two were standing. I was not expecting so many. I crouched low and growled. I didn't like this, I was surrounded now and the way out was now blocked by Edward.

"it's okay...calm down...." Alice was saying, "No one is going to hurt you..."

"Why are there so many?" I snarled, ashamed at my tone with the one person in ten years that had been nice to me, but I was on red alert. My instincts were kicking in. Survive was all my body knew right now.

"This is our family-" I heard Edward say but I cut him off,

"I did not ask you." I growled at him and he back off.

"Woah! I like this new Bella!" The biggest vampire laughed loudly like a giant little boy.

He was then hit hard in the ribs by a beautiful blond girl.

"Ouch, what Rose? She can put Eddie in his place! That's all I meant!"

I relaxed a little, he was joking...and as I looked around I noticed the others in the room smiling and chuckling quietly as well.

I looked to Alice, "This is so weird." I muttered just for her to hear.

She smiled at me with brilliance and calmly placed a hand on my shoulder, the touch would have normally threw me into a frenzy in my freaked out state but I could feel my tense emotions ebbing into calmness. I stood up straight again. "Sorry." I muttered feeling like an apology was needed. These people didn't once make one threatening move towards me, they didn't deserve crazy Isabella...

"It's okay Bella, we understand. This is all very new to you...again." A handsome older blond man said. He was standing with his arm draped around another older woman. She was beautiful of course but looked at me with sympathetic eyes.

I cleared my throat...I didn't do first impressions very well - obviously - and I felt weird just standing in the silence now. "Um...Hi, I'm Isabella and I don't remember any of you...Sorry." Now I was apologizing for not remembering? These people left me ten years ago to face this new life on my own and I was apologizing to them?? What was wrong with me!?

The big guy chuckled again and I scratched my head in the awkwardness. Everyone else was looking at me with pity in their eyes.

The older woman tentatively stepped forward, hand outstretched, "Ignore him," she said gesturing to the big guy, "It's very nice to see you again Bella, and you have nothing to apologize for. I'm Esme Cullen." She told me.

I looked at her hand took a secret look at Alice for some reassurance and shook it. Esme was being very sweet. I wanted so badly to like her.

"This is my husband Carlisle," she said pointing to the man she was standing with before, "Emmett is the joker there, Rose, his wife beside him," who smiled briefly and nodded, "And this is Alice's husband Jasper."

Then it dawned on me! "Jasper!" I said out loud before I turned to Alice and then back to Jasper, "That's why I feel so calm, I can feel the waves radiating from you...you don't just feel emotions - you manipulate them!"

" Yeah, sorry, I left that part out, I didn't want you to be afraid of us somehow tricking you or something..." Alice said apologetically to me. "I didn't think you'd come."

"It's okay, you were right to, I wouldn't have come if I heard that..." I told her.

Jasper smiled tentatively and abruptly stopped what he was doing. "Sorry." It was as though a light switch had turned off inside me. I quickly thought about his power and turned it back on him to see if I could.

He stood up looking at me with wide eyes, "Woah now, how are you doing that?" his accent was southern - very cute.

Alice giggled and ran to give him a hug, "She's an absorber Jaz, she can use your power, she already used mine and Edward's."

"Holy crap."

Alice giggled again, "That's what I said."

********************

**Edward:**

As the family and Bella made small talk I chose to watch from a distance. Bella had made it clear she was unsure of me before, I would respect her wishes and keep my distance.

"So Bella, where are you staying?" Carlisle asked her.

"Oh um, out in the woods just on the other side of town."

"In the woods? Oh no dear, You can stay with us." Esme said.

Bella looked like a deer in the headlights. She began to stutter and I knew, I knew she was still wary of us and wanted to keep her distance from us as much as from me. I decided to step in and save her from thinking she was being rude wanting to decline the offer.

"Or because Bella is just meeting us again she could stay in her old house for now, Alice took her by there earlier." As I said this I turned to Bella, she looked shocked that I spoke up. Indeed it was the first time I had spoken since she cut me off earlier, but she could have acted a little less shocked...she hadn't thought of me of a monster before and I didn't like it now. Then her expression changed, she looked grateful and even gave a slight nod in my direction.

IT wasn't much but it was a start.

"So that's settled. Now Bella, you said you woke up and found Victoria with you? She claims she saved you?" Carlisle pressed.

"Yeah, said I had bumped my head and she had to save me. Then she took off."

"In the woods?" Alice asked this time flicking looks from me to Bella. "Do you remember what the weather was like? Or what you were wearing?"

"Jeans, a sweater and a shirt that said "Wonder Woman" on it, I was soaked right through, covered in mud and I think it was raining or had just stopped..."

I shook my head. I knew what Alice was thinking, and I was thinking the same thing. Bella had been changed the day I left. She had been wearing that when I left, she had been wearing that when Alice saw me leaving her.

"Alice? Was that a vision?" Bella asked about the image of her in Alice's mind. She was using my gift.

"It's a memory of a vision Bella.." Alice said slowly.

"Of what?" Bella asked sternly.

"Of me leaving," I interrupted, this was not Alice's fight, it was mine. I turned to my family, "Could you please leave me to speak with Bella alone?" They got up silently and left the room.

Bella rounded on me, the first time all night I had seen her full profile, "Are you saying...are you telling me I was changed the night you left?" her voice hitched as she spoke.

I nodded and took a step forward, "it looks that way."

Bella looked around the room and back to me again.

She started to laugh coldly. "Well how'd that work out for you?" she said sarcastically. Then she went blank. Her eyes looked far off and she was frozen where she stood and then she collapsed to her knees.

"Edward! Edward someone's here!" I heard someone yelling from upstairs but I couldn't tell, I was shocked with the sight before me. Bella was now shaking and dragging breaths wracked her body.

**Bella:**

Fury was running through me, I was having a hard time controlling myself with him in the room. I was just about to go off on him when I felt something stir inside me. Fear, Anger, Sadness and an overwhelming sense of pain and loss filled me up.

I was standing in the woods, and Edward was in front of me. He was saying things, i couldn't hear, and then the sound rushed into my head.

_"You're not coming." his voice was cold and piercing._

_"We won't be back." He told me._

_"It'll be like we never existed. You'll forget and move on." he said._

_"They all have been gone for three days." He added._

_"It's you Bella."_

_"You're not good for me Bella." he told me what I already knew._

_"You're not good for any of us." _

His words dug deep, I could feel myself bleeding but could find no blood. Everything hurt. I was reliving the night he left. I remembered it. My boyfriend didn't want me, my best friend didn't want me...they had all left me high and dry....Alice without even a goodbye.

The room came back to me. I was on my knees and Edward was kneeling beside me, concern in his eyes. I wrenched out of his touch and backed towards the door.

"Bella..." he started.

"No. Don't! You don't get to do this....you don't get to feel better about this. You left me, broke up with me and walked out of my life. Don't tell me it was to protect me...that's not what you said!"

"I had to...I had to tell you that..."

"Yes, you had to tell me because it was the truth, you didn't want me, none of you did so you left."

"We were protecting you!"

"No you weren't - if you had been none of this would have happened, I wouldn't be this..."

"I made a mistake." he said sadly.

His sadness only infuriated me more. I decided to take all the pain and sadness I felt inside and turn it on him. I used Jasper's gift and relished the sight of Edward falling back to his knees.

"Bella! Stop!" Alice had entered the room.

I turned to her now, "No. You need a good dose of your own medicine too!" I shouted at her and did the same to her. She sank as well.

Carlisle's booming voice entered the room and my head snapped to look at him, "BELLA ENOUGH!! Someone is outside!"

"Good!" I yelled back, my fury still driving me, "They can have a taste too!" I turned wrenched open the door.

A hundred yards away stood a girl. Tall and skinny, pale with flaming red hair. "Victoria." A shock-wave went through me seeing her again. A bunch of different feelings and thoughts swam through me at once.

I felt someone brush past me and realized it was Edward but he was too late. She had run off before he even got through the door.

He turned sadly to face me. I thought quickly about this situation. About what I had done to him and Alice...I felt ashamed and without a second look I jumped off the porch and ran to the house Alice told me I grew up in.

**Alice:**

"What was that?" Emmett asked when he got back from searching the woods with Jasper for Victoria. She had vanished again. They lost her scent on the werewolves reserve.

"I have no idea...I think she remembered the night I left." Edward said.

"She definitely did." I chimed in.

Edward faced me, "You could feel it too?"

"Both...I think she meant to project her feelings on us but accidentally projected the mental image too, I saw the conversation happening before my eyes, but it wasn't like through my vision, it was through her eyes."

"Waooooah back up! So Bella can use more than one power at a time!?" Emmett asked.

"It seems that way. But she is even able to go beyond what Edward is able to do." I said.

"So her gift is more pronounced than his?" he asked.

"No...I think it's more that the three abilities Alice, Jasper and Edward have mixed with Bella's own absorption allows her to warp them together and use them differently." Carlisle told us.

"I don't think she knew she could do that." I told them.

"So let me get this straight...Edward's gift combined with Jasper's combined with Alice's allows Bella to project her feelings, enter your mind and show you visions..." Esme asked.

"You've got to admit, that's quite a leap Carlisle." Rose stated.

"Have you got a better one?" he asked her.

She shook her head.

"That does make sense...in a weird sort of way." Edward said slowly.

"Dude. Bella's like the ultimate weapon..." Emmett said nudging Jasper in the ribs.

He ignored him, "What was Victoria doing here?"

"Revenge?" Emmett guessed.

"No...she already got that with turning Bella..." Carlisle said.

"How do ya figure?" Emmett asked

"Well, when James first targeted Bella, we could have bitten her ourselves and save the hassle of trying to run from him. Victoria had to have guessed we were against her changing.....but why come back?"

"Unless it's more than that...." I stated, thinking. Why was she back? "Is she here to see the damage she caused? Or to cause a little more?"

Edward stood up. "I've got to go find her."

I stood up as well, "I agree, you, Jasper and Emmett start a search for Victoria."

"I'll call the wolves." Carlisle said heading to his office.

"I'll go to Bella." I said heading for the door.

Jasper stopped me outside, "Be careful Alice."

"You too." I said kissing him and speeding off into the woods. "Call me!"

I ran to Bella's without the faintest scent of Victoria. I jumped up to Bella's bedroom window and gave it a tug.

"Locked?" I said out loud. Bella locked the window? The window I told her not 14 hours ago that she never ever locked it?

Fine. If she wanted to do it this way...I rolled up my sleeve and knocked.

She didn't answer.

"Bella open the window."

Still no Bella.

"You know I'll just break it..."

The window was unlatched and flew open in one fluid motion. "It's the principle of the thing." Bella told me coldly. "Its supposed to be a hint."

"Yes, but you knew I was coming..." I said happily.

"So what?"

"So...you remembered me a little when you remembered the night Edward left. You knew I would come here for you tonight."

I watched as Bella pondered this and slowly back up letting me in through the window.

"I don't know what that was..." she said moving to her old bed.

"You've never done that before?"

"Projected feelings? No I'd say that's definitely new." She said sarcastically.

I stifled a giggle, her sarcasm was coming back, the old Bella was still in there. "Bella, I meant the part where Edward and I were crippled with pain but also reliving the memory in our minds with you."

Bella gaped at me. "I thought there was more going on there, but I couldn't sort it out..."

"It's okay, you were upset."

"I'm sorry Alice, from what little I remember about you, i should not have done that to you. I just wanted you guys to feel how I did... I was really hurting."

I didn't think twice about the new Bella's boundary issues, I crossed the room and hugged her tightly. She went rigid but began to melt into me. "It's okay...I'm so sorry Bells, I had no idea it would be that bad..." I said into her hair.

"is Edward mad?" she asked me when I finally let her go.

I laughed lightly, "I wish you could remember him properly, you wouldn't have to ask."

"He's that mad eh?"

"No! God no! WHat I meant was that Edward has always been sort of a drama queen, he is prone to exaggeration, he loves to brood and everything is his fault. Bella the projections you put on us were rightly placed, he is not angry at all, he feels like it wasn't enough, like he deserves more."

Bella sat quietly for awhile. "God I wish I could remember!"

"Me too..." I said quietly. I wanted Bella back. I hated having this version of her here. Its almost as bad as not having her at all.

We sat in our own thoughts for a little bit when finally I broke the silence.

"Hey what did you feel when you saw Victoria?" I asked.

"Umm I'm not sure there was a lot going on there."

"Talk me through it?" I pressed...there was something odd about Victoria's timing...I just couldn't place it.

"Well...I was super angry and sad, I remember feeling a lot of pain...then I opened the door and saw her and everything is so scrambled."

"Okay lets break this down, when you look at her what feelings came from her?"

"Umm......Resentment, Anger and satisfaction."

Satisfaction? So this is a revenge thing...but is she done? "And what about you, what feelings come from you when you see her?" I asked.

"Well I'm angry with her, she changed me, but I'm also thankful...somehow her changing me allowed me to forget the pain I was feeling when you guys left."

I nodded along, my hunch was right, Bella was so mixed up she was using the powers without realizing it. "Okay, that was Jasper's power out of the way, now let's try Edward's. Was she thinking anything?"

Bella paused thinking back. "She was thinking about James, and Edward and I...then something about memories....then she thought a very bad word and that's when she took off."

"Memories?" I repeated.

"Holy shit." Bella and I said together.


	10. Sunshine and Roses

TO RECAP:

Bella got a piece of her memory back and flipped shit on them, used her ability and turned it on them etc. Then they found Victoria and tied her into Bella's memory loss...

Here we go... shorter than normal but still it's an update!

Chapter 10: SUnshine and ROses

PS. Im just whipping this out as I go..so don't judge to harshly lol I am trying!

**Edward:**

Victoria?

What was she doing here?

There she was, standing stock still. Her mind wide open to me, thinking of the satisfaction she was getting in seeing Bella as a vampire. Thinking of the way she lost James and comparing it to how I had now lost Bella...it was too much. I had to go after her, I wanted to tear her apart for taking Bella from me, for turning her into a monster.

Only too late did I realize....Who am I kidding? Victoria didn't take Bella from me.

I pushed Bella away.

I was a huge idiot and leaving did absolutely no good. I had to make this right. Which is exactly why I let Alice go after Bella and I took the boys to find Victoria. We had been searching for over an hour now and all we could find was her trail but then we would lose it only to find it in a completely different location!

"This is so infuriating!" Emmett growled from about a hundred yards to my left.

"It doesn't make any sense, where is she and how do we keep getting so close for her to slip through our fingers?" Jasper asked.

"I know," I sighed, "I don't get it." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Does anyone know if she has a gift? I mean how else could she slip through our hands time and time again?" Jasper asked as he picked up his ringing phone.

Emmett and I ran off to keep looking while he spoke to whom I supposed was Alice on the phone. When he caught up to us minutes later he said, "You are not going to believe this."

"Believe what? Are they? Is Bella okay?" I asked.

"She's fine man..well as fine as she could be right now...they have a theory to answer our questions about Victoria. They think her ability is memories, she can some how manipulate them."

I stood frozen where I stood. It was reaching...but it did make some sense. "So this is why Bella has no idea who we are...who I am?"

"Sounds that way." he nodded.

We began to walk unconsciously in the direction of the house when Emmett interrupted our silent thoughts.

"Wait, so why did she come back? She changed her and took her memory of you away, I mean the damage is done...she got her revenge."

I nodded, "I agree, but maybe that's not it...maybe she wanted me to suffer and she wanted to witness it for herself."

"That's dangerous." Jasper said.

I nodded, "She's desperate...James was her mate, it probably makes perfect sense to her." I knew too well how desperation affected the thought process. it's the reason I spent 10 years locked in a room, only coming out to feed, or consider my options to end my suffering....permanently. Victoria had James ripped away from her and she had tried to do it to me, only now its like a game to her, a game with living pieces for her to manipulate at her leisure. She was enjoying this....enjoying Bella's pain.....she would pay. I would make her answer to me.

"We have to find her." Emmett echoed my thoughts as he flexed his huge hands.

"She has to reverse what she's done to Bella, then she dies." I said bluntly.

"Well how do we find someone who can make us forget who we're looking for?" Jasper inquired.

"Wait for her to find us." I said and the wheels in my head began to form a plan.

"We could use Bella...if she doesn't know Bella's absorbing ability...we could turn it against her." Jasper's military mind was at work as well, "She wont know what hit her."

We ran back to the house to speak to Carlisle.

**Alice:**

Bella hadn't said much after I hung up with Jasper. She only let me call so I could warn them, to try and prevent this from happening to anyone else. But she hadn't moved from her room. I wished I had been able to find out what was going on in her head. She looked so sullen, like all the fight had left her.

I didn't know what to say to her. I was, for once, at a loss for words. This version of Bella was so depressed and jaded, she had completely different attitude than my Bella.

"What was I like?" she broke the silence.

I looked at her on the bed from my perch on the window sill. "What?"

"You forgot that I can read your mind when I want to...what was I like before...the old Bella?"

I smiled as I remembered, "She was my best friend. She had sarcasm in every bone of her body but she was loving, loyal and kind. She was happier..."

"She sounds nice." Bella mused.

I stood up and crossed to the bed, "Bella, that's who you are...you just don't remember."

"That makes me someone different...you said it yourself...well thought it....I'm not her."

"Bella...this is silly, we can fix this! We've been in tighter jams than this before."

"Oh yeah?"

"Well, how about the time James tried to kill you...at least now you aren't in mortal danger."

"Very funny."

"We can't give up, you have to believe that we can fix this."

"How?"

"Well we'll just have to brainstorm, but I can feel it. There is a way to fix this!"

Finally she looked at me, "Alice, What if I don't want to."

I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach, "Bella don't say that."

"I have to...I'm not sure I want to fix this."

"How can you say that? We found each other again! We were brought back together! Maybe this is why, we get a second chance!"

"Or, maybe we found each other to remind me I'm better off not remembering."

If I could cry I would be by now, she was breaking my heart. I was thinking of myself and I was thinking about her and Edward, a love like theirs should not just die like this, not without her knowing everything. "Bella I have to believe that this is not the way things are supposed to be. I need you back."

"Oh now you need me? But before you could just up and leave?" she shouted angrily.

"Bella, listen, I know it's going to take a lot more than me just saying I'm sorry to make you trust me again, but honestly, it broke my heart then, and it's breaking my heart now to see you like this."

"Good."

"Yes. I deserve it, I should have fought him on it, I should have stayed with you, you needed me more than he did...but Bella he had me convinced for a time that it was the right thing for you...no matter how much it hurt us..."

"You said that before."

"And I'll say it again! And again until you understand! We hurt as much as you did, every minute of every day we all wanted to come back, you are part of our family, it was as though a part of us died!"

She looked into my eyes and finally sighed, "I know. I'm sorry Alice, I'm being selfish...but it hurts just remembering what I do...I don't know if I could take anymore."

I hugged her and stroked her hair, "Bella you know, with the bad memories also comes the good ones...did you ever think of that?"

**Bella:**

It was as though Alice had shocked me with a taser. Good memories. I forgot, I was so hell bent on the bad ones, and not wanting them back that I forgot that I had once had happy times.

"I was happier." I quoted Alice's earlier statement about my old self as she held me. Maybe the painful memories would be a welcome trade for a piece of myself back, the happy piece...the piece missing for so long.

I pulled back, "Thank you Alice...I don't deserve you." It was as if I was having an epiphany. Everything I knew right now had shifted, things were looking different to me. Brighter and cleaner, as if someone had wiped a filthy grime off of my thoughts.

"You deserve better." she said.

"I'm not sure I do. I treated you horribly ever since you and I first met again, I pushed and pushed you but you stayed, here you are...taking my verbal abuse and making me see the light. You're like my personal guardian angel."

Alice laughed, "I'm not sure that description is in any books about vampires!" she hugged me again and I hugged her back, full force, I tried to convey everything in that hug, my remorse, my apology, my love, all of it. "I told you Bella, I made the mistake of leaving before, I won't do it again."

"Thanks Alice, i don't know what I would do without you." I said as we pulled away.

She nodded and smiled, "So...is this forgiving attitude extended towards a certain brooding vampire?"

My smiled faded, I forgot about Edward...."I hope so...I could definitely be more civil...but..." I trailed off.

A knowing sad smile crept on Alice's flawless features, her hand rested on my back after smoothing my hair, "What is is sweetie?"

"I'm not sure that I can love him."

As I said it I felt a weight lift off of me. The pressure was gone. I didn't have to love him, that was the old me...the new me could not forget the pain he had caused, for whatever his reasons, the pain is there, I wasn't sure I could let him back into my heart again.

"That's okay. He'll deal with it. I know him, he just wants you back to your old self, he wants what's best for you. Let's just focus on getting your memories back completely and we'll go from there."

I knew she saw my face fall again at her sentence as I agreed, as if she could read my mind, she made me look at her, "Bella, we're not leaving you again. If you're not with Edward you are still apart of this family. We love you no matter where your heart lies."

Alice took me back to the Cullen's house where I was welcomed with open arms.

"I'm sorry Esme, I shouldn't have acted like that." I said to her when she greeted us at the door.

"Don't be silly," she laughed, "that's exactly how you should have acted, it was a huge shock for you. Don't worry about it for a second!"

Carlisle followed close behind, "Bella we've set up a room for you, we were thinking the girls and you could decorate it?"

Alice laughed, "As much as I would love to get started on that I think we should get her back to her old self first so she doesn't hate the black walls when she gets her memory back!" She dug her elbow into my ribs as she joked.

"Ha ha, very funny," I said, "I told you on the way over, I had an epiphany, Im looking from both sides of the spectrum now, good with bad!"

"Fine," she rolled her eyes, "we'll do half black and half sunshine and roses!" she joked again.

I laughed and finally agreed, "Maybe we should wait...just in case!"

It felt almost normal to joke with Alice, now that I had admitted my fear of not loving Edward, and still being accepted in the family, I was completely different from the person I had known for ten years. I was light and having fun! I loved it.

We spent the next few hours hunting in near Forks and when we returned the boys were back. We began to discuss some options for plans if Victoria showed her face again.


	11. Red Roses Club

A/N: Hey guys sorry for the weight, been busy and having a minor meltdown with my computer. But here is a chapter for you and another is on it's way...sorry about any mistakes - I was on a role and just kept going.

**Chapter 11**

"You know if we were the movie vampire's catching the Queen Bitch would be so much easier." Emmett muttered to me as we sat on the porch of the Cullen's house.

This is how it was now. After ten years of being on my own every single day I was now constantly with another vampire. The Cullen's never let me out of their sight, I was always with at least one of them. Of course this was just in case Victoria attacked, we wanted to outnumber her at all costs. That was the basic plan, outnumber - distract to buy time - and then attack. We knew she wouldn't reverse her memory work voluntarily so killing her was the only option - and it was a huge leap to suggest it would reverse her power on my memories.

"Yes but if we were the movie vampire's we would only come out at night and be vulnerable to garlic and stakes through the heart." I countered playfully. I liked Emmett, hanging out with him was like hanging out with an older brother. The playful ribbing and jokes were there but the support and caring was also there. Emmett was fun and lovable, I was becoming more and more attached to the big bear like vampire.

"That's a good point...but then so would she...so there is my point - she would be so much easier to catch!" he said as he chuckled.

"You're imagining driving a stake through her aren't you?"

"Maybe." he replied slyly before elbowing me in the ribs.

It was silent for a moment before Emmett caught me by surprise when he said, "Hey Bells, thanks for not, you know, peaking into our thoughts all the time..."

"Where did that come from?"

"Well, I know that no one has said it to you, but we appreciate it, it's nice to have some privacy...we don't get a lot of it when Eddie's around."

"Well, the way I see it - it's not my gift to use like that, I try to only use it when I need it. Kind of like I borrow it from Edward from time to time...you shouldn't be so hard on him, his gift is amazing and he can't help it...it's not something he can turn off..."

Then I paused as I heard the statement come out of my mouth. I was standing up for him?...for Edward? That was something new. I guess spending all this time with the Cullens had changed me more than I thought. I was really starting to care about them...even about Edward, about the man I was told I loved, was told I was bound by my soul to, the man I resented for that very reason. I was my own person, my own woman, I didn't need a man, that's not what I spent 10 years looking for, I spent the ten years looking for a family not a mate and I didn't appreciate being told who I was supposed to love.

Emmett broke me out of my thoughts at that point asking for an arm wrestling contest. I complied but was distracted by this new nicety I was showing towards the God Adonis - I mean Edward. What did it mean?

Alice came down outside an hour later. "Bella..." she started as she opened the door.

"Damn it." I muttered, "I should have seen that coming." As I slowly got to my feet. I walked behind her like a woman headed for the electric chair as I heard Emmett start to laugh. She led me into her room and shoved me into the en suite bathroom. It was almost time for Rose's birthday party and that meant Bella Barbie time for me.

"I had a shower this morning you know." I told her through the door as I got undressed.

"Yeah but you just spent the afternoon with Emmett and considering it's Rose's birthday party I'm gonna suggest smelling less like Emmett and more like Bella would be a wise decision."

"I could take her." I joked as I got in the shower. Alice was right, Rose was civil with me but still icy on occasion, it would be best not to piss her off - especially today.

After the shower Alice spent an hour fussing over my hair and makeup much to my protests. For someone so tiny she sure knew how to keep me hostage. After she had me try on a dozen outfits she finally forced me into the first one I had tried on.

"You knew it was going to be this one didn't you?" I asked her sternly.

Alice stepped back and admired her work. "Can you blame a girl for making up for lost time? I mean I missed out on 10 years of Bella Barbie!"

I turned and looked into the mirror. I had to admit it - I was stunning and it was all thanks to Alice's handiwork. My hair was wavy, curling in just the right spots and my makeup was natural with just a touch of dark mascara. It accented the pale blue cocktail dress perfectly and sparkled in the light.

Alice appeared behind me, "Well, do you like it friend?"

I turned to face her and scrunched up my nose, "I hate dresses." I told her.

She laughed and hugged me, "You're becoming more like yourself everyday."

"That reminds me, something weird happened today.."

She smiled knowingly, "I know, we'll talk about it later. Rose will be ready in 5 minutes so we should get downstairs."

When I turned around and headed for the door I heard a distant piano stop playing. It had been like this all week since I had moved in with the Cullen's. Everyday I heard someone playing in the distance, a beautiful melody and whenever it stopped I always had a pang of sadness. I never mentioned the piano to anyone in the family, and no one ever said anything to me about it. They seemed like they didn't even notice it. And I could never go and investigate the source because I was on the buddy system until Victoria was caught and for some reason I told myself that whatever lied out in the piano mystery, was something so special I would have to do it alone. My gut told me it every time the music died away, whatever was out there was for me and me only.

For Rose's birthday we were going into Seattle. She wanted to go clubbing and that's what she was going to get. Esme had ordered a limo and her, Alice, Rose, Emmett and I climbed in when it arrived. Jasper, Carlisle and Edward were meeting us there. Alice had been so excited that she blurted out that they were getting Rose's present and was only stifled when Emmett and I launched at her mouth to keep her from revealing anything more about the surprise.

The drive to the city was entertaining and disturbing. Rose and Emmett were repeatedly told to get a room and Esme, Alice and I sought refuge sticking our heads out the sun roof. It was exhilarating riding through the city waving and laughing as we passed people on the street. I felt so normal, like I wasn't a vampire at all - like I was a normal teenage girl out on the town with her friends and family.

When we got to the Red Roses club Carlisle and Jasper were there waiting for us. Alice hopped out of the limo and into Jasper's arms to deliver sweet nothings into his ear. I smiled as I watched Esme and Carlisle do the same but with a little more civility that comes with their age.

Someone led us to the VIP section when we entered the club. Heads turned as we passed and eyes followed as we made our way through the dance floor. After faking a couple shots of alcohol the coupled dispersed onto the dance floor and I was left alone after many protests to Alice claiming I would be just fine watching from the table. She got a sparkle in her eye and said she agreed before bouncing off with Jasper.

A minute later I saw him. The crowd parted as he made his way across the floor. His black Italian shoes making no sound as he glided, his dark dress pants fitting his muscular legs just right, his buttoned down burgundy striped shirt undone just enough at the top to show enough of his stone chest to leave you wanting more. His hair perfectly messy and golden as it reflected the clubs lights. And his eyes...

...were locked on me.


	12. Some Like it Hot

Chapter 12

Time seemed to stand still as I watched him cross the floor. His movements were fluid and calculated as I watched him float towards me. As he got closer I suddenly became very aware of myself. I noticed I had stopped breathing when I saw him, I had yet to blink, and I was acutely aware of the length of my dress, the close fit, and the image of me in the mirror before we left the house. Even as I remember the image, a mere hour and half ago, I realize that what I thought had looked good then doesn't even contest what I was looking at now. He was beautiful and masculine, Soft and hard, kind and dangerous all at the same time. I watched him get closer and closer, never once taking his eyes from mine until finally he reached the table.

For a moment we stared into each other's eyes until he finally seemed to remember himself, he blinked for the first time since we locked eyes and cleared his throat. "May I have this dance?"

I was aware the music in the club was still going, that chattering couples and parties of friends were all unaware of his moment and mine, but nothing existed at this moment. All I could hear was his melodic velvet voice, and all I could see was his golden eyes.

Forgetting my hatred for dancing I found myself desperately wanting to comply. "You may Edward."

He held out his hand and as I took it it warmed in my hand, tingled went up my arms and I felt that if I had a pulse it would be racing. He never took his eyes from me as he pulled me to the dance floor, the crowd parted for us and we reached the centre.

"I don't know how to dance." I blurted out when we stopped. Not that it mattered I couldn't hear the music. All I could hear was my racing breath that started when I reached for his hand.

"Nonsense," he whispered, "everyone can dance Bella." as he stepped closer to me.

"I'm the anomaly." I whispered back. I'd be amazed if he could hear me even with his vampire hearing.

He smiled his brilliant smile, one that was crooked on his straight edge features, "You certainly are. May I?" he asked gesturing towards me.

I nodded as he reached around my waist with his right hand. It slowly made its way, tenderly across my back, our chests touched as he raised our left hands, still entwined from our walk across the floor.

And then we were dancing.

He was guiding me round and round on the dance floor. I was still oblivious to the music that was playing but it didn't matter. It didn't matter to me that everyone around us was jumping and flailing and grinding as he spun me in circles, slowly and methodically. All that mattered was the tender contact, the tingling sensation wherever our bodies were touching and the sparkle in his eyes. And then the music broke through to me. It wasn't the clubs music, it was Edward humming. A beautiful tune made even more beautiful by his attention to detail, his humming rising and falling at just the right points until it was hummed over and over and I had joined in.

Edward's humming died down as he listened to me. His smile was radiant as he twirled me around, the crowd had slimmed out and left us a good portion to ourselves by now and we were taking up more and more space as he led me around.

"You look beautiful Isabella."

"Thank Alice." I said.

"You're too modest, trust me, take away Alice's fancy clothes, her hair spray and her makeup. It's you, you're stunning."

I caught my breath as his cool breath caressed my cheek at his words. "I don't even compare to you." I blurted out quietly.

"Isabella, you never give yourself enough credit." he said as he stopped moving us.

"Bella." I told him with a shy smile.

I felt him tighten his hold as he began to dip me, "Bella, he whispered, "Until you came back into my life I was lost, depressed and broken, the man you see before you has nothing now but hope. Hope you have given me, a passion for living, breath of a life I once had and will work tirelessly to gain back....Bella I am what you made me."

Then it happened, his lips met mine. Hard and soft in the same moment, tender and sweet as they molded with mine. A fire deep within me erupted as he kissed me. A fire I had felt before, the same fire that was snuffed out so many years ago, I felt it rise as it began to melt the ice in my heart. I was giving in to him but The memory that Victoria had given back to me played again in my mind. The Memory of the pain and despair I had felt when he left flooded me. I broke our kiss and looked one last time into his eyes before leaving him on the dance floor. "I'm sorry, I can't.." I whispered as I tore away from him.

"Bella!" I heard him call after me.

I sped through the crowd, my eyes scanned for exit signs, I found one that led to the rooftop. I broke through the door and ran full out up the stairs. When I reached the top of the stairwell I broke the chain on the door and took deep breaths of the night air.

"Calm down." I told myself. "Calm down." My chest was heaving in and out and my eyes burned with tears that would not fall. I clutched at my heart desperately trying to claw the pain from inside.

I heard someone's light footsteps following my path up to the rooftop. I quickly thought about leaving before they found me and then decided better of it. They had all been so accepting of this new me. SO patient and protective of me. They cared for me and I for them. I would not, could not leave them like they left me so long ago. They were my family, the one I searched ten years for. Spending this short time with them taught me that it did hurt them as much as it hurt me when they left.

I wasn't going to do it cause them that pain again. I judged the distance between me and the other rooftop and made my leap just as they reached the club's roof. It was Esme and Alice. "Bella?" she called to me.

_I'll be okay. I just need some time._ I projected my thoughts to her.

_Okay, _she replied in her head, _take all the time you need sweetie but please Alice will go with you. We'll see you at home, use your powers to let us know if you find any trouble._

Alice landed on the rooftop beside me and gave me a small smile.

As a goodbye I sent Esme the memory I had of her hugging me a few days ago. I saw her smile sadly and head back inside.

Without a word to Alice I lept to the next roof and then on to a dozen more after that. The only thing that made sense right now was putting some distance between me and whatever happened back there with Edward.

Finally I decided to stop in the city's park. Alice joined me on the bench. "I'm sorry Bella, I didn't see that coming." she said quietly.

I realized then that that was why she was so quiet. "Alice I don't blame you. You can't babysit me every minute of the day, with all the stuff you are on the look out for with Victoria things are bound to slip through." I told her as I put an arm around her shoulders. "Besides I don't think he planned that."

"Are you okay Bella?"

"I will be. It just happened so fast, the chemistry and the fireworks...I got carried away...it was like a dream. Like I was someone else."

"You let your guard down."

I nodded, "Yeah and for 5 glorious minutes it was exhilarating, a totally different life...but the moment I came back to my senses the pain was terrible. I don't know how it happened, how I got swept away like that but I dont know if I could do it again, coming back to reality is to painful."

"Bella no one is asking you to pretend like everything is fine. It's impossible to fall back into your old life like that with only one memory, especially if the one memory is not our best moment."

I thought about what she was saying for a bit. She stayed silent as I worked some things out in my mind, "So, when you say 'your old life', you mean the dance he and I shared, the... intensity between us - it was always like that?"

Alice giggled, "Bella you and Edward gave Rose and Emmett and Jasper and I combined a run for our money."

"Huh..." I thought. "So today when I was defending Edward to Emmett...it wasn't a fluke?"

"Not likely."

So it was natural for me to be loyal to Edward like I had been earlier that day with Emmett. And the heat between us at the club was a natural thing..."I wish I could remember."

"Don't worry we'll get your memory back. The bitch has to show her face sometime." Alice said, "Come on Bells, lets go home." she said as she got up from our bench and held out her hand to me. I took it and followed her at a walking pace until we were off the main streets and able to run. "Oh and it wasn't a five minute dance." she said to me as we matched our strides on the back roads towards Forks.

"Ten?"

She laughed and said, "Bella you danced with him all night, it's 3am!"


	13. Melt the Ice

Chapter 13

The next few days were a little awkward.

I spent most of my time avoiding Edward. In fact, I hadn't seen him since Rose's birthday. All the effort it took to skillfully avoid Edward didn't give me any time to dwell on what occurred that night and I was thankful. It was something so magical, so unlikely that if I gave it serious thought I feared I would forget the pain of reality and desperately seek our dream again.

Alice and I had gone on a couple shopping trips, I now had two new wardrobes and enough clothes that I couldn't possibly where them all twice for at least 6 months. Esme had taken me to the market in town, and she taught me all about her favourite flowers and then let me help her tend her garden at the house. Spending time with her was different. It was fun but educational, I never understood Esme's need to mother until I heard her speak about gardening. Her garden was her baby, every plant her offspring, her only chance to help things grown from infancy to a full blown adult. Even if they were plants she was making the best of her situation. I now understood how her and Carlisle could have brought so many vampires from different backgrounds into their lives. They were vampires yes, but they taught me that we are so human in their need for compassion and love. And Esme was full of it.

Rose and Emmett had finally arrived back from their little jaunt through uptown Seattle. They had originally planned on Paris to continue her birthday celebrations, but due to the Victoria situation Carlisle felt it best to request them stay in the state.

Which is why I was making my way into the garage. Rose was always out here after a trip, this is where she unwound and felt most at home. I knocked awkwardly as I entered from the house. "Rose?"

I heard her snort quietly, "Bella you don't have to knock, it's a garage."

"Sorry, I just didn't want to disturb you."

She never looked up from under the hood of her birthday present Mercedes. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to apologize. Rose, I'm sorry I skipped out like that on your birthday and I'm sorry you and Emmett had to cancel Paris."

Finally she looked up, "Pass me that wrench."

I grabbed her the wrench and took the flashlight from her other hand. I held it up for her, "Thanks," she said, and added after a moment, "You know at first I was relieved when we left ten years ago."

"Oh?" I asked a little hurt.

"Yes, you don't remember but we never really got on that well. It's my fault really, I was stubborn and resentful."

"Can I ask why?" I asked curiously.

"Well, when I was changed it wasn't by choice, I had my whole life ahead of me. I was raped by my fiance and left for dead. When Carlisle changed me I was hurt and hated my new life. I wanted kids and I couldn't have that anymore... I was meant for Edward, as his mate, did you know that?"

I raised my eyebrows. From the little I knew or remembered about either one of them - the match seemed extremely unlikely except for the fact that they are both incredibly beautiful.

"I know right." she continued, "Anyways, I was resentful of your relationship with Edward because you were choosing this life, you were giving up the life I wanted so badly to be with him. It would be inevitable to everyone but Edward that you would be changed if the relationship continued. It was only when he finally realized this that we left. He wanted you to have a normal life, a white picket fence, kids, a human husband. All the things he couldn't give you. SO yes, I was happy when we left, because the relationship would end badly and suspicion would be on us, we would be in danger. But then when we left Forks so long ago I saw the family I desired so much to protect start to crumble. Everyone left for long periods of time. Edward fell off the map until only a couple years ago. Our family broke because we had left a crucial piece behind in Forks."

"I'm sorry Rose. I don't remember it, but I'm sure I didn't know the danger I caused..."

"No one's to blame. We all did certain things that we're not proud of, said or didn't say things we should have back then. So there is no need to apologize for missing my birthday Bella. It's the first time we had gone out like that in years, first time we enjoyed ourselves and that's all because you're back in our lives. No one blames you for being overwhelmed and having to leave. We all get it. And don't worry about Paris - it will still be there when Victoria gets what's coming to her."

I learned so much that afternoon with Rosalie. After the chat, she taught me how to change the oil in a car and do different things to get different results in a car engine. She even had me looking through car magazines and offering help on picking one out for me. In addition to the car knowledge I gained so much useful information about her and a different perspective on family life after leaving Forks.

To think that Edward actually fell off the map for awhile after he left blew my mind. I thought about everyone missing him. I thought about how worried Esme and Carlisle would be about him. How lonely Emmett would be without him to pick on. How Jasper would miss his intellect and how Alice would just miss her brother.

I was grateful to add this information to my knowledge of the family before and after they left me. It softened my outlook on the lone memory I had gained back, the memory of him leaving. I was starting to understand it and the weights that had been on me for so long were starting to ebb away.

Jasper pointed this out to me when we were finishing hunting the next night. "You're feeling better I see."

"I had some different perspectives put on the whole situation."

"How so?"

"Well, Emmett's joke lessen the pain, Carlisle and Esme's concern helps heal the fresh wounds, you're understanding gives me someone to talk to, Alice's loyalty picks me up, and Rose's version of the story was really helpful."

"And Edward?" he asked curiously.

"I haven't really figured that out yet."

"Maybe it's because you haven't seen him since the kiss." Jasper pointed out.

I rolled my eyes, "You know what, I take that back, you're firm grasp of the obvious is really helpful." I said sarcastically.

Jasper laughed and tossed a rock through the trees. "I'm just saying, you shouldn't avoid him, he's feeling pretty bad for what happened."

"Bad? Like he regrets it?" He regrets starting things with me again. Perfect.

"Uh-Uh, you are not getting it out of me Bella. You and him need to talk and figure this out." he said sternly.

"I'm scared." I said quietly.

"I know, I can feel it, but there is nothing to be afraid of." he said with a pat on my back he began to walk towards the house. "For the record, he's not regretting the kiss for the reason you are thinking."

"I thought you couldn't read minds!" I shouted after him.

"I can't! I just know you Bella."

I followed Jasper back to the house. He was right, avoiding Edward was getting me no where. I had to suck it up and face him, I mean we live in the same house after all. The fact that Victoria had been silent and unseen for so long now had me thinking of getting to know everyone better. If I wasn't going to get my memories back yet I could at least make some new ones - With all of them.

As I reached the front porch a sound made me pause. The melody was playing again somewhere to the East. I was about to run off towards it before Emmett's voice stopped me. He was requesting a Call of Duty rematch on the Xbox. Instead of heading to the piano that seemed to be calling me I ran inside and told Emmett I would rematch as soon as I changed.

When I entered my room I quickly cleaned up and put on a new pair of jeans. Just as I was heading out I noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

A single beautiful red rose lay on my bedside table...


	14. Choices

Chapter 14

**Alice:**

"You know Jas I think Edward and Bella really might have taken a turn for the better on Rose's birthday."

"Why on earth would you say that Al? Bella has been doing everything in her power to avoid him since the incident."

"Well it's not like she really saw him much before the incident, she needed space and that's what he gave her. I mean, she was always with at least one of us in case Bitchtoria came by and only with Edward when at least one of us was in the room. They are never alone..."

"Where exactly are you going with this?" he asked me with that knowing look in his eye.

For fun I baited him, "Why would you say I'm going anywhere with it? Can't I just harmlessly be pointing something out?"

He rolled his eyes as he said, "You, Alice Cullen, are scheming something. Harmless or not!"

I hopped off of my bed and landed on his lap, "Well do you want to help?"

"That depends...what can I get out of it?" he asked jokingly.

"How about the satisfaction of doing something for your loving wife and in the process helping two star-crossed lovers find their happy ending?"

He looked at me shrewdly and rolled his eyes again, "Well when you put it that way...what do you want me to do?"

"Well you could start with talking to Bella about it, use that southern charm of yours, and use your ability to find out how she is feeling..."

"You don't know?"

"I have an idea, she's still my best friend after all, but I would like to be sure."

"Okay, I'll speak to her when I take her hunting."

Yes! Phase one of my plan was coming together! Now I just needed to talk to Edward about what happened and phase two would be in motion. Luckily the plan was about to go off without a hitch as I cornered Edward as Jasper and Bella took off to hunt that evening.

"Alice want to play chess?" Edward asked me when they left.

"Sure." I smiled politely and sat down with our glass board.

"Okay, let's have it." Edward said as he made the first move.

"Have what?"

"The chat you have been going over in your head all day."

"Oh that..." I giggled, "I guess I didn't formulate my plan in as much secrecy as I meant to."

"You are hardly discrete Alice." he said as he moved his next peice.

"I'll work on it." I told him, "So how are you Edward."

"Good start." he laughed, "I'm just fine Alice."

"Yeah but how are you really. I have inside information that tells me you are worried."

"Jasper?"

I nodded.

"Well I guess I am worried. I didn't plan that dance or kiss to happen. I meant us all to go out for Rose's birthday, a nice family celebration."

"What changed?"

"I just...saw her sitting there...that blue dress suited her so well that I had to get her from that booth and try to get her to enjoy herself. I meant to bring her to the dance floor where the whole family was, I knew she wouldn't dance without some encouragement. But my feelings just took over...Al, I fell in love all over again."

I reached across the board and placed my hand on his. "You're worried you scared her off?"

"I'm worried I rushed her, I'm worried I ruined any chance of us int he future, I'm worried she hates me."

"She can't hate you."

"How can you say that? That must have looked so planned!"

"She didn't think you planned it. She told me that night. And she can't hate you, it's impossible for her."

"But you saw Alice, you felt her pain and anger when she remembered me leaving. She definitely hated me then."

"I don't think she hated you Edward, I think that memory made her hate herself. Think about it, Bella has always had a confidence issue. Especially when it came to you. I really think that memory just furthered that feeling of unworthiness. "

"That's absurd."

I rolled my eyes, "We all know it's absurd for her to feel that way, but it's one of her quirks, that's Bella. Look Jasper is with her now, he's gonna get some perspective from her on how's she's doing and then we'll figure it out."

"I don't know if it's a good idea."

"Edward you love her! You always will. The absence of Victoria is disturbing her keeping in the shadows for so long has me wondering if she'll come back. You may have to reestablish a relationship with Bella without her memories."

"I'm not going to force her to love me Alice!" he interrupted.

"If you would let me finish you would realize that's not what I am saying! Look, Victoria gone means she may have to get to know you all over again - only then, when she knows you, will she be able to make a decision on how she feels about you."

Edward fell quiet after that and we called the chess game a tie. Neither of us could win it anyways, I would predict his move and he could read mine before I made it. He then got up and gave me a hug.

"Thanks Alice, you're right about everything."

"No problem, I'll let you know how it went with Jas later. Oh, and she's going to really love the rose." I winked at him before heading into the living room where Emmett was playing Xbox.

Moments later after Edward had visited Bella's room I could here the piano playing again in the woods. I smiled, Jasper would be back any second and then Bella would find her rose.

When Emmett and Bella killed each other over and over again Jasper and I joined. It was girls vs. guys and Bella and I reigned supreme. Emmett took it poorly and ended up breaking his controller on Jasper's head. After a wrestling match that ended only after Esme kicked us outside I caught up with Jasper when Emmett and Bella went to help Rose in the garage.

"So what did she say?" I asked as soon as they were out of hearing range.

"Well I told her he feels bad about it."

"And she took that the wrong way." I predicted, I didn't need to see the future to know that.

Jasper nodded, "Yep. She's confused about what happened that night. She doesn't know if she should like it or not, she doesn't know how she should feel about him...Mostly she is just scared."

"Naturally. All she knows of him right now is what she sees in that memory and what happened at the birthday party."

He nodded and kissed me. "Something changed though when we got back, like after she got changed she felt more relaxed, pleased even."

I giggled, "Edward left a Rose in her bedroom."

"Nice move." Jasper joked.

Then Jasper faded from my view momentarily as a vision took over. "Oh Jas! The next few days are going to be so exciting!" I giggled and kissed him again.

*****************************

**Edward:**

The chat with Alice was more helpful than I could have imagined. The fact that she knew Bella and I so well was incredibly valuable in my situation. Bella and I had a choice to make and I owed it to her to know where I stand on us.

The next day I knocked on her bedroom door.

"Come in." she called.

I took a deep breath and turned the knob. "Good morning Bella.

"Oh, Hi." Bella looked flustered when she realized who was at the door and quickly ran her fingers in her hair.

I hesitated, "I could leave if you.."

"No! No that's okay, I just didn't expect you."

I smiled encouragingly as she rifled her hair into a pony tail. "You look..._be..elthy_." I blurted out.

"_Bealthy_?"she screwed her eyes up as she looked at me.

Now it was my turn to look flustered, "Sorry, I meant to say beautiful but I didn't know if that was okay so I started to say healthy and ...well they came out together." I rushed the words out. Embarassed beyond belief.

Bella smiled at me, "You look _Bealthy_ too."

We laughed and I took a step forward. "Bella, I was wondering...would you like to spend some time with me today?"

Bella swallowed, "Alone?"

"If that's okay...I mean I could ask Alice to come with us if you'd like."

Bella looked nervous as she played with her sweater sleeve. "No, that's alright. What did you have in mind?"

"Well I'd like to take you somewhere, I have something to say."

"You can't say it here?" Bella asked nervously.

I looked deep into her eyes, "I just thought some privacy would be nice."

Bella paused for a moment and looked out her window before turning back to me. "Sure Edward. Lead the way."

I had Bella follow me to our meadow. Like I predicted she couldn't remember the significance of it. But she appreciated it's beauty as much as she had the first time I took her there.

"Wow."

"You said that the first time." I chuckled.

"I'm sad I don't remember this place...it's definitely worth remembering...I've been all over the world and never seen such a pretty undisturbed natural place before."

I smiled. "This place is pretty significant to us..."

"How so?"

"It was kind of our spot, it's the place you found out that I was a vampire."

Her eyes widened at this information. I gave her my crooked smile. "Bella I didn't bring you here to force you to remember. That's not what this is."

Bella looked at me, "What is this then?"

"I want to apologize for the birthday party. I didn't mean for it to happen...it just did. I just want you to know I didn't plan that."

Bella's smile was small. "I know. I knew that night... it was like a dream."

"I just don't want you thinking I'm trying to force anything on you. I just was caught up that night in it all. I missed spending time with you and my feelings just ran with it."

Bella nodded, "It's okay Edward. Can I ask you something though?"

"Anything." I said as I closed some of the gap between us.

"What was the rose for?"

"I just wanted to let you know I care...I didn't want you to think I was trying to forget it or planning another. I just.."

Bella smiled. "Thank you for the rose Edward. It was really sweet."

I smiled back. "Bella that's not all this is about. I wanted to talk to you and ask you something."

She nodded.

"Well, Alice and I were talking and she made me realize that Victoria's absence is a cause for concern. You see, we have a choice to make Bella. We can sit back and wait for her to show again and get your memories back or we can choose to act now and make some new ones. I'd like us to get to know each other again."

"Oh..." she said.

I stepped closer and took her hand and made her sit with me. "Bella I want you in my life. Whether you are in it as my love or as my family member and friend."

"No strings attached?" she asked.

"No strings, no promises. Just you and I being friends if that is all you want. You don't have to promise me anything more. We'll just build a foundation again and see what happens. I want you in my life any way you can."

Bella smiled. "Okay Edward. I think you're right. A life sitting back and wondering what could be is no life at all. We shouldn't have to wait on her to make us live our lives. Let's do it."

"Friends?" I asked jokingly.

She nodded and laughed. "Friends."

I smiled even wider, "I have something for you. Close your eyes." While she did I rant to get her surprise.

"Okay, open them."

Before her I had laid a red rose and her old Withering Heights book.

"What's this?" she picked them up.

I shrugged my shoulders, "You deserve flowers, and that book used to be your favourite. Open it up."

As she did her hand flew to her mouth. She looked up at me, "Is this for real? "_To Bella, my thirty year old twelve year old. Happy Birthday, Love mom."_"

"Yep, that is from your mother."

The next thing I knew Bella was hugging me.


	15. Moving on or simply in circles?

CHapter 15

**Bella:**

Edward's outing a few days ago was a major turn around for me. For the whole family really. All of a sudden we were doing a lot more family outings. Everyone was so chipper and happy it was unreal. I couldn't believe how normal it felt to be like this. Happy was something new to me. The book that he gave me from my mother was an extraordinary gift. I finally had a piece of her with me and it was all thanks to him. Since our talk I had thought more and more of my dislike for Edward. I realized it was not fair at all and tried as hard as I could when we were together to forget the painful memory Victoria had let me have back to give Edward a fair shake. He had more than deserved it, since I had come back to the family he had done everything I asked - including staying away at first. He earned, no, we earned the chance to know each other without the past getting in the way - he was right, having a single memory of a single bad moment in our history was no foundation to base our future.

There was still no sighting of Victoria but there were a couple incidents where Emmett or Esme came back from hunting and couldn't remember what had taken them so long. So, after so many days without any idea where she was we now knew She was back out there but no one could confirm seeing her. Searches after their momentary memory loss proved fruitless. Whether she had toyed with our memories on the search or if she was just that good a disappearing we may never know. All I did know was that I couldn't help feeling like she was watching us, right around the corner, just waiting for her moment.

"Okay where are you headed today?" Carlisle asked us when Edward and I were sitting in the living room watching the TV.

Edward looked up, "I don't know, we haven't planned anything."

"You kids have been out doing something every single day for a week. You didn't plan any of it?" he asked us, looking back and forth between us.

"You hardley have to plan a couple matinee showings at the theatre Carlisle." Edward quipped.

"He's telling the truth, anything we've done has been spontaneous." I told him.

"Can I ask why? It's just the Edward I know plans everything." he said.

Edward laughed as I answered, "Well we learned the first day we agreed to getting to know eachother that giving our history and what little I know or remember of it that it would be easier if we didn't plan things and just let them happen."

"Yes, but why exactly Bella?" he pressed.

I looked down embarrassingly as Edward laughed again, "Well it seems that I have a nervous habbit of using Jasper's power by accident when I'm really nervous thus creating more than one rediculously nervous person and a less then hospitable 'getting to know eachother' environment." I rambled on.

THis time Edward's laugh was even louder as Carlisle joined in as well. It only stopped when I punched Edward in the arm before I continued. "So if we don't plan anything I don't have the time to get nervous. No premeditated outings and we seem to be alright." I explained.

Carlisle was laughing again and shaking his head as he walked out of the room and muttered 'Good luck."

Edward chuckled again as I looked back at him mortified. "Thanks for your help." I said sarcastically.

When he was finished laughing he asked me what I wanted to do today. Yesterday we had hunted together but never got to the meadow because it was getting dark when we finished and until Victoria was caught I had a curfew. "How about the meadow?" I asked hopefully.

"It's like you read my mind." Edward joked.

I was surprised to find that his statement pleased me. Even if it was a joke.

"I'll get my Ipod." I told him. I ran upstairs and grabbed my purple nano that Alice had bought, loaded with Edward's music and quickly checked my hair and clothes before reappearing at the door where he waited.

It was a rare beautiful day in Forks and I was more than ready to enjoy it.

"Race?" Edward asked with his crooked smile.

"Deal." I said before taking off at a sprint.

I could hear Edward behind me until we were about 50 feet from the meadow. That's when he sped up and beat me. I was fast, faster than everyone in the Cullen family, everyone but Edward.

When I stepped into the meadow, I was again taken away with it's beauty. The green of the grass, the brown of the tree bark and the gold and purples of the wild flowers were all stunning. I freaking loved this meadow. It reminded me of heaven...or at least what I imagined heaven would look like. The sun warmed me and I took my sweater off to let it touch my skin. I lied down on the grass in my tank top and took a deep breath.

Edward hadn't warn a sweater, he had a simple t-shirt on today, Ramones it said on the front. It was black and somehow suited him. He looked like a rock star. Neither one of us spoke we just sat in the sunlight and basked in our sparkling skin's glow. In my ten years as a vampire and coming across more vampires than I care to admit I had never seen one so beautiful in the sunlight at Edward. He simply took my uneeded breath away. We lay on the warmed grass and shared the Ipod's earphones for a very long time just taking in the music and our matching breaths.

"Thank you for today." I said to Edward when we got home before night fell.

"Bella it wasn't anything special. We lied in the meadow until the Ipod's battery died."

I smiled, "I know. It was just really nice."

Edward smiled too, "I had a great time too Bella and since it was your idea it's I who should be thanking you."

"Well thank her already and get in here, I've got rock band set up and we're waiting!" Emmett's voice rang from the living room.

Edward growled in response and I laughed. I squeezed Edward's hand in my version of a thank you/ you're welcome gesture and led the way into the room. Where Edward immediately slapped Emmett in the back of the head to the applause of the family.

***********************

The next day Edward decided to use Emmett's jeep to teach me how to drive. After a few first bumps while I was trying to figure out the gas and break sensitivity I found like everything else as a vampire I was quite good at it. Edward had to promise to rotate Emmett's tires for letting a beginner use his baby but Edward just laughed and took his punishment. He told Emmett to consider it as payback for his comment the night before, when Emmett said he had already slapped his head I decided to speak up. "That was from me." I told him. Only after Emmett made sure there were no scratches on his jeep did he calm down and think our joyride was funny even proposed we tried again with Jasper's Jaguar.

Right before we were going to hop in the green luxury car did it happen.

I sniffed the air and a familiar scent. Something that bode ill-will, something spicy and irritating. Then I saw her. Victoria was standing in the edge of the trees.

I took two steps towards her and then I fell to my knees. A memory had hit me with such force that I had to drop. I was in the clearing we had passed these past few days to hunt. Fear flooded me as the memory then swished to Edward and I in a car. He was driving and I was terrified. I was screaming but I couldn't hear the words and Edward was stone faced, scary even. I knew what this memory was. The night James came to the baseball field. The night I realized that I had too much to lose. The night that confirmed Edward and I were not intended for a happy ending. The night that told me any shed of happiness would be outnumbered by overwhelming moments of grief.

And then the my memory went black. Slowly I came back to reality. My breathing was ragged someone was kneeling before me shaking me back to my senses. A sweet smelling breath hitting my face as voices slowly reached my ears. Everything was coming back and getting louder, brighter by the second.

"Bella! Bella!" Someone was shouting.

"What happened!" someone shrieked.

I could hear foot falls approaching, they were running. I should act, I thought, defend myself. I looked around there were two other bodies on the ground. I blinked repeatedly but nothing changed the bodies were still on the ground and then I was on my back.

I snapped back to my senses, I looked to whoever just slapped me.

"Alice?" I looked to the black haired girl now standing before me. "Did you just slap me?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "Sorry. I had to do something."

"What happened?" I asked looking around as I felt the tender side of my freshly slapped face. I realized that the two bodies that were lying on the driveway with me were Edward and Emmett. Emmett was scratching his head, he looked paler than usual, his boyish grin gone. Edward was sitting with his back towards me. "Edward?"

It was Alice that answered me. "I heard you three screaming and came rushing out. Jasper immediately caught Victoria's scent and took Esme, Rose and Carlisle with him into the woods. I came to see what i could do here and well...you were all screaming and rolling on the ground violently. As I got closer I could feel intense remorse and fear - Jasper was gone so I knew whatever was going on was tied to you. I had to make it stop so I hit you." She tried to smile sweetly at the end of her story.

I thought about what she said and I remembered what happened. "I saw her. She was there." I pointed to the woods, "I went towards her and then she flooded me with the baseball memory. The car ride back to Charlies...the night I.." my voice died. I didn't want to say my doomed feelings from that night out loud in front of everyone. Alice must have caught the look in my eye because she didn't push it.

Emmett grunted and said he was going to lie down. I apologized for using Jasper's power like I had as he walked by. He simply tussled my hair as he walked by and mumbled that it wasn't needed. Alice looked nervously from me to Edward. I returned the same look and stood up. I was shaky at first but my instincts kicked in and I leveled out.

"Are you okay?" Alice whispered looking from me to Edward again.

I nodded grimly, "Yeah, let me talk to him." She rubbed my shoulder and turned towards the house. "And Alice," I called, "Thanks for..you know."

"Hitting you?" she forced a laugh.

"Well I was going to say waking me from my nightmare but yeah...that works too." I said as I slowly made my way to where Edward was sitting. Um. "...Edward?"


	16. A Stolen Moment

Chapter 16

**Edward:**

Emmett and I had no time to react when we noticed Victoria watching us from her cover of trees. We had taken one step as Bella took two and then could move no further. I watched as Bella crumbled before me, fear took hold as I heard her start to whimper and then scream. Physical pain and emotional turmoil held me on the driveway as I tried relentlessly to make it to my one love.

Senselessly I tried to break into Bella's mind. My strength ebbed every time I tried and my progress was small. I could only get small glimpses into her head. I saw myself driving. A cold distant look on my face. The night Jame's appeared. And then all went black. I couldn't see or hear anything, I could only feel. Feel the gut wrenching torture that Bella had to be experiencing. It was the only way to explain what was happening.

I didn't understand. Pain is not Victoria's power. How on earth could she be torturing my sweet Bella like this? I tried to shout out to her but heard no sound. My body was too heavy to move. It was like it wasn't there. I didn't exist. Only this pain did. Searing my insides as it drove through my body.

_Bella!_

_Bella!_

_Bella!_

I tried to send her messages. But I couldn't penetrate her mind any more. I was right. I didn't exist. I couldn't save her because there was no Edward to do it.

*********************************************

Slowly sounds filled me again. I began to be conscious of movement around me. I could feel the hard ground beneath me.

_Bella._ I thought. _Where was she? Was she okay? What happened to her? Where was Victoria?  
_

Slowly I felt the overwhelming fear and sadness leaving me. The pain ebbed, slowly releasing its fiery burn on my heart. I began to regain feeling in my hands and feet as my chest lightened. I could almost physically feel my heart turn back to ice as Bella's emotional hold on me relaxed. She had woken up from whatever Victoria had shown her.

I could hear murmuring behind me, rustling of bodies but I tried to block them out. I was trying to force my head around what happened. Why would Victoria give Bella that memory back? Why that one specifically?

Two things broke through my silent search for answers.

The first was Bella's sweet scent that intensified as she approached and the other was her melodic voice.

She was thanking Alice for waking her out of her memory. Her nightmare she called it.

"Edward?"

I tried to speak but nothing came out. I realized I was sitting now and Bella was approaching from behind me. I wasn't sure how that had happened, I didn't remember ever switching positions, I didn't remember having the ability to move.

She called my name again. I cleared my throat, it came out raspy, "Yes. I'm here." I said. The statement sounded off. "Sorry." I said shaking my head.

I felt Bella's hand on my back. She was now kneeling beside me. "Edward, you have nothing to apologize for."

Oh but I did.

**Bella:**

Edward was still not looking at me. As I told him not to apologize he began to blink rapidly.

I decided as I saw him begin to fall apart that we shouldn't be at the house for it. For one I thought we could use a moment to ourselves to figure things out. We deserved some privacy before we explained what happened to Carlisle. For the other - I knew if Edward flipped out now sitting on the driveway Emmett would never let him live it down.

I didn't say another word, I only reached under his arms and helped him stand. I led him to Emmett's jeep and put him in the passenger seat. Then I flew into the driver's side and threw it into reverse. I floored the gas and ripped down the old dirt road.

I went to the only place I could think of. I wanted to be as far away from Victoria I could get but I knew it would be irresponsible to leave town.

I parked the jeep at my old house. It had to be a place Edward would feel safe. He still had not looked at me and he was more pale than I had ever seen him. He didn't say a word he just blinked and twitched every now and then. I looked at him and began to wonder if I had done the right thing after all. I didn't know Edward all that well after all and if I had learned anything when living with the Cullen's it's that no one is as good in a crisis as Carlisle. Maybe I should take him home after all.

Then Edward spoke. "Home."

I looked at him, he was staring at the house in front of him. "Edward? Do you want to go home?"

He didn't answer he was still looking at the house and slowly fumbling with the door. Inspiration hit when I was starting to really freak out about Edward's behaviour. I would use his power and read his thoughts.

I took a deep breath and followed out my own door when Edward stumbled from his passenger seat towards the house. Then I dove into his thoughts. They were all over the place and in pieces. I struggled to keep up. My face kept flashing and then the house before us.

I decided that he did want to be here so I helped him in through the front door. I had to break the lock but I made a mental note to ask for Esme's help to fix it later. I was in the middle of shutting the now useless door when I realized Edward had left me. I followed him into what Alice had told me was my old room.

I found him sitting on the bed. His eyes blinked rapidly again, his breathing began to become erratic. His chest rising and falling incredibly fast, like he had run a marathon. I quickly crossed the room to his side. I started to rub small circles on his back with my hand and placed the other on the far side of his cheek. He was crying...the vampire's version of crying.

"Edward. Shhhh...it's alright. We're okay..." I told him.

And then I did the only thing I could think of. I sat down on the bed facing his side, my right leg went over his lap and my other around his back. My arms went around him and tightened. I leaned back and a dust cloud erupted as the weight of our stone bodies landed on the old bed.

And I held him.

I held him while he cried.

I held him when he cried no more.

I held Edward the until the next morning's light crossed the old bedroom's window.

I held Edward Cullen until the day's light faded and left us in the darkened house alone.

He didn't speak and neither did I. The silence allowed us to think. It allowed us to think but our entwined bodies kept us safe. The nightmare was only in our thoughts, it wasn't real at that moment, we took what comfort we could.

********************************************

"I created the nightmare."

Edward's voice broke our silence. His voice was strong but weak at the same time. He sat up and positioned himself to face me. I did the same.

We were finally going to do this.

"What nightmare?" I asked. There had been so many in my life apparently.

"The memory she showed you, it was my fault."

Despite the seriousness in his voice I began to chuckle. This is what Alice had meant when she spoke to me ages ago about Edward. "You blame yourself." It wasn't a question.

"I hardly think this is a laughing matter." he told me sternly.

"I disagree. Alice warned me about this - You Edward Cullen are pathological self blaming fool."

"Bella, it is all my fault. I caused all of this, you're death, you're change, you're pain and grief - all done by my hand. I felt it in the driveway...I'm the cause of your suffering."

And then I punched him in the face.

He took it and looked up at me. He was shocked to be sure but he wasn't going to hit me back. "I deserve more than that." he said.

And I punched him again.

"You're an idiot. The punch was because you're being an idiot." I clarified. He tried to interrupt me but I held my hand to stop him. "No, I'm not done. You don't get to do this. You don't get to blame yourself like this and make me feel like it is your fault when I don't have all the facts. We told each other we would start fresh until I had all the memories back. The fact that Victoria has only given me two does not change anything about our agreement."

"Bella.." he started.

"No." I shook my head. "Do you understand?"

He took a deep breath, sighed it out and nodded sullenly.

"I'm serious Edward, I want to get to know you, the real you, the you not weighed down by guilt. The you that wanted to get to know me again. And considering that I just saved your ass from months even years of Emmett's wrath if he had of witnessed you're vulnerable moment," I tried very hard not to mention the word crying in case I embarrassed him, "I'd say you owe me that much."

Edward looked at me for a long time. "Bella, could you do me one more favour?"

I nodded.

"If it's not to painful could we talk about what the memory made you feel?"

"You felt it." I shrugged.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know." I sighed. "It made me remember how I felt that night when we drove back to Charlie's."

Edward swallowed at my pause. I didn't know how to tell him. I had never told him what I felt that moment. "The fear?" he pressed.

I sighed, "It's not fear for my life." I clarified. "It was fear for what my life could have been."

"You were scared of dying?" he interrupted.

I shook my head and smiled. "No I was scared of losing you. As we flew through the night to Charlie's, as we formulated a plan, I had already come to a conclusion. I would lose you forever. There would be no happy ending for us, my life would end without you in it. That's what I feared the most."

Edward sat in stunned silence.

I decided to break it. I took his hand with mine and placed the other on his cheek forcing him to look at me. "Look, I may not know the reason why I feared living without you the most - way above and beyond the fear of losing my life - I may not remember that yet but I'd say the fact that we just lied in each others arms for over a day without saying a word has to mean something. Obviously I care for you Edward, I mean the only other person I would have scooped from that driveway like that would be Alice for God's sakes. Technically, if we go by the reunion I have known her longer and I have only really known you for a few days...that has to mean something. Something is there, something I can't put a finger on or understand yet but I just know it has to mean there's some sort good end for us...or no end at all."

And then I kissed him. I kissed him hard. I kissed him passionately. I kissed him in a spur of the moment feeling. An overwhelming urge that took me over as I thought of the intense fear I felt in Emmett's jeep so long ago of losing the man before me.

I pulled away from the kiss and looked into his topaz eyes, his golden eyes that lightened significantly as I looked at him.

"I want to get to know the man who felt hope." I told him. "I want to know the person I was so afraid of losing. Do you understand?"

Edward nodded and stood up holding out his hand for me. "Okay. No feeling sorry for myself. Fresh start, like we are and had always been two vampires that just met."

I took his hand, stood and shook it. "Deal." I told him smiling. I kept hold of his hand and pulled him out of the room towards the jeep. "This should be fun." I said thinking of the homecoming we were about to get.

Edward laughed as he checked the cell phone that was in the jeeps glove compartment. Edward drove as he handed me it to check the messages. There were 34. As I listened to them we both laughed as the went on. The first few were anxious calls from Alice, Esme, Rose and Carlisle. And then they got entertaining. The rest were from Emmett. Apparently in our absence Alice had been telling Emmett all sorts of fake visions of us wrecking his jeep.


	17. To Leave or Not to Leave?

Chapter 17

**Bella:**

Our homecoming was much what I expected. Esme of course worried about us day and night while we were gone. Alice tried to reassure her that we were fine, but it wasn't until we both stood before her that she accepted it.

Carlisle was thoughtful, he seemed only to want to understand what happened with Victoria that day. We tried to explain it to him and Esme when we returned but no matter how we described it they didn't seem to grasp the seriousness of what had happened. How easily I lost control in the memory and sent the powerful emotions on the unsuspecting Edward and Emmett. I was becoming dangerous...a weapon for Victoria's use and I hated myself for it.

To Edward and I it seemed that Victoria might have discovered more than we thought about all of us. The precise moment she appeared and left was too perfect. She seemed to know we were vulnerable when she showed herself, unexpecting and of course happy - she had to destroy that moment for us. And when she scattered when the damage was done she seemed to know that she could disappear right in front of us again.

She knew. SHe had to. She was using me...to hurt them.

"You're not weak you know." Jasper tried to tell me when he picked up my hatred and guilty feelings that day. "To be able to recover like you do after such despair is a testament to your strength Bella." He said as he gave me a one armed hug.

I nodded but remained quiet in thought. Jasper gave me a last tight hug, "Just let me know if you wanna talk. I know what it's like to feel like a weapon." he confessed and turned to head upstairs.

Despite my inner turmoil I was intrigued by this. "How so?" I asked and he stopped on the bottom stair and sat down beside me.

That's when I realized the room had cleared out. Esme, Carlisle and Edward were giving us our privacy.

"Well when I was human I had an uncanny ability to have people see my side of things, I was charming and charismatic - so much so that I could convince anyone of pretty much anything."

I nodded, "Right, so that extended and adapted when you became a vampire."

"Yes exactly." then he fell quiet in thought for a moment. "Would you like the simple story or the whole gory details?"

"Which one will make me feel better?" I asled jokingly.

Jasper laughed loudly, "Well I suppose I'll bare no gore." he nudged my shoulder. "Let's see, when I was first changed I was picked up by a...family you could call it...it was more like a dictatorship really. The leaders name was Maria and she was truly a vicious monster. Maria wanted to rule, she wanted to be the empress of the South. She concocted a plan and when she discovered my ability she put me to use. At first I felt needed. I liked it. I was able to help her and quickly moved up her ranks to be her right hand man."

"What was her plan?"

"Well like any ruler she had to build an army, force was how she would achieve her goal. She sent three of us out everyday to bite and turn as many young people as we could. We essentially bred an army of newborns. An army that which could overpower any other force because newborns are so intensely strong...The only problem with the newborns was that they are unruly, emotional and ruled only by thirst. They fought and as many as we changed in a day were as many that fought and died at night. Maria's army was growing by day and shrinking by night. We couldn't get ahead - it seemed we would never achieve her goal with such dwindling numbers...and that's where I came in. I was used as a mediator, I calmed them and essentially controlled them. With me taking care of the emotions they could be taught to fight, taught only to destroy Maria's enemies."

No words could escape me. Jasper's emotions were evident on his face, he was reliving his story and I immediately felt bad for making him tell me. I put a hand on his arm, a small form of comfort I had learned from Esme that seemed to help immensly.

Jasper swallowed and continued. "I have scars all over my body. Bite marks I used to wear in Maria's service as badges of honour. I was using my powers everyday and forcing these new vampires to kill and maim all who stood in our way. Eventually after seeing all of the lives I ended with my own venom and all of the new lives I was destroying with my ability I began to realize that I was only a tool to Maria. She didn't love me as I had deluded myself to think. She loved no one. Only power. It was then, when I hated myself for what I had turned into, the weapon she created, that I ran. I left her and eventually found Alice. Found the life I learned I deserved."

"Wow. Jasper, I'm so sorry..." I said lamely. He really did know what I was feeling and not just because of his ability, he lived it.

"Thanks. I just wanted to let you know that I have been there. The hate you feel for yourself is really not new to any of us in the Cullen family. Carlisle tried to end his life when he discovered what he was, Rose got revenge but hated herself for stooping to her rapist's level, Alice for her first and only human kill, me...and Edward for well letting you get involved with this life. We all have been there, what matters is what you do with that hatred."

At this he tussled my hair and kissed my forhead as he rose from the couch and left me to think. Before he left the room though he said thoughtfully, "Will you turn into yourself and lead a life of lonliness or will you act and change the cards life dealt you?"

Sometimes Jasper surprised me. I hadn't realized just how much he understood about me until that moment. He knew I was thinking about leaving...of taking Victoria's weapon away from the family I had grown to love in such a short time of finding them, of preventing myself from afflicting more pain at her will. But if I left I would leave behind a life I knew I could really thrive in. A life I wanted so badly. But if I stayed...if I stayed and acted I could change my circumstances.

It was certainly something to think about.

***********************************************************************************

It had been 2 days since Jasper and I spoke. Two days that I had still come to no decision. On some level I knew I was putting off my decision, trying to stay longer when I really did think I should leave. If Victoria showed herself again I would be at her mercy and the family I lived with would be at mine.

My door burst off the hinges as Alice flew into my still unfinished bedroom. "YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE LEAVING!" she shouted in my face.

I looked at my broken door and then to Alice, "Jasper told you?"

SHe barked a laugh like I had never heard from my petite friend before, "Like he needed to! Damn it Bella I saw it!"

Her face was contorted in rage and hurt was evident in her now black eyes. I shook my head, "I hadn't decided yet." I told her.

"Like hell you didn't Bella! I saw it! On some level you did!" She shrieked and I cringed at the sound.

I grabbed her wrists, "Alice I didn't decide yet, you've got it wrong. You're wrong!"

She wrenched her hands free from my grips and turned towards the doorway, before she left she whispered, "I'm a lot of things Bella, but I am rarely wrong."

I heard her bedroom door slam. And then the silence of the house rang in my ears. it seemed every single being in the house froze in Alice's raging wake. It was so deafening that I didn't even bother to go through the house and use the front door, I simply opened my bedroom window and pelted outside. I had to get away from there, I was running from the guilt in that room. Had I really shouted back at Alice like that? Had she been right, had I decided to leave without realizing it?

I didn't pay attention to where I was running. I just did. After awhile I realized I was actually following a melody. The very same melody that I had wanted to run towards so long ago. The one that called to me every night. Was it a trap? No..not something so beautiful...how could it be dangerous?

I slowed as the melody grew louder.

I rounded the last couple of trees and found a tiny little stone cottage. It was small but beautiful, it was surrounded by mossy covered trees and rocks, with wildflowers growing all the way around it. The windows were dusty but the trim was painted white and the small wooden door was falling apart, but the big ancient brass knocker still hung tightly to the rickety door. I held my breath and I slowly entered to the tiny cottage.

"Edward?" he was sitting at a grand piano that looked too large to actually fit in the tiny space. Too shiny to be appropriate in the grungy shack.

The piano's melody stopped abruptly. "Hi Bella." he said when he realized I had entered. His back was towards me still.

I didn't know what to say. I cleared my throat awkwardly. "Are you okay?" I asked. I used Jasper's power to test the emotion in the room, it was confusing. Confused? Sad? Mad?...I couldn't make it all out. "Edward?"

He didn't answer, he just slowly turned on the bench and kept his eyes lowered.

"You're leaving?" he said quietly.

I crossed the room so fast that I didn't realize I had done it until I was straddling the bench as he was facing him. I grabbed his hand and he looked up at me. I used Jasper's ability to absorb his pain. Me leaving would really devastate him.

"I hadn't decided." I told him.

"But Alice..." he said as he tilted his head towards the corner of the small room. I noticed someone was sitting in the dark corner.

"Alice!?" I said as I saw noticed her. A small hand brushing back her spiky black hair. She must have slammed her door and jumped from her room as well. She came to tell Edward. To warn him.

She said nothing to me. She was angry. I probed to her mind with Edward's power. She was biting her tongue to keep from saying anything wrong, to keep from begging me to stay. Her mind was painful, I drew myself out of it shivering.

"I know. She told me she saw me going." I told him.

"So you are." he said.

"No. Maybe. I don't know. I was thinking about it." I said and heard Alice huff.

"Why? Why on earth would you leave us? We only just found you." he asked.

"It's complicated." I told him lamely.

"I think we can keep up." Alice snapped back.

I sighed and turned toward the piano. I began fiddling with the keys, enjoying having something for my hands to do other than hold on to Edward and feel the strange electric current that seemed to flow whenever I touched him. I remained quiet as I thought about telling him what was going on. I knew he couldn't read my mind unless I let him, I knew he was trying to find out where my head was at. I thought for a long time. Where was my head at?

Eventually he said please.

That broke me. I found myself spilling my guts to them. All the fears I felt about being a danger to the Cullens. To him. To Alice. The pain Victoria used me to cause. The hope that if I left she would follow.

"I just don't want you, any of you to suffer at my expense." I explained.

At this Alice rose and left the cottage. I turned and watched her leave. She was so swift that I almost missed her. I looked back at Edward and decided she could wait. I would find her after.

"How do you think we'll be when you leave?" Edward asked me stiffly. I could tell it hurt him.

"I don't know. I just think it would be better than to have Victoria use me to cause you guys grief."

"Leaving is not the answer Bella. You know it isn't. We need you and I know you need us."

I stood up at this point, the anger in me bubbling - "Well what the hell am I supposed to do? I can't sit here and let her do this to us."

I looked back to him, he was staring at me intently. "We just have to be proactive." he stood up and made me stop pacing. His hand cupped my face, "Go talk to Alice. She needs you. And when that's settled I want you two to meet us at the house. I have a plan." He lightly brushed my forehead with his lips and whispered "Be safe." And then he was gone.

I sighed feeling slightly woozy after inhaling his honey scent. The place on my forehead still burning from his tender lips. I took a breath to steady myself, gave myself a mental slap and ran off after Alice.

I followed her scent, the whole way trying to decide what to say to her.

Finally I found her about an hour from the cottage. She was pacing back and forth between two trees. The leaves and sticks on the ground rustling and crunching in her path.

"Alice, I'm sorry." I said when I reached her. She stopped pacing and faced me.

"'Bout time you got here." she said angrily. A fierce pout forming on her face.

"I'm sorry Alice." I said again bowing my head and stepping closer.

She shook her head. "Why didn't you say anything to me? We're supposed to be best friends...we're supposed to tell each other everything."

I bit my bottom lip. I didn't want to offend her. "Alice, I...I don't remember how we used to be."

"So?" she said hurt.

"Well, it's not...we're not...it's not like that for us...right now. I.."

"We're not best friends Bella?"

"Look Alice. I don't know a lot of who I am okay, I don't know what I was like, what I was like with Edward, what I was like with you. I don't know who I am! How am I supposed to know how best friends are?"

Alice shook her head again sadly, "I don't think it's something you know...it's something you feel." And then she began to walk away. She seemed like she just needed something to do so I followed and caught up to her and walked at her side.

"Alice...you misunderstand me." I said quietly, "I know I love you. I know I do. And that's only based on the time since we met in the cave to now...I do. I love you." I said as I placed my hand in hers as we walked at a human pace through the woods.

"So what's the problem. I don't get it. If you don't remember what it was like for us but know you love me now what's the problem?"

"The problem is I don't remember! I don't know what qualifies as best friend material - as far as I know right now I never had one. I don't know what to say, how to act, what to feel. I don't know what's okay for me to do...I'm terrified of doing or saying the wrong thing and screwing us up. Please understand that I am so attached to you now that I'm terrified of losing you."

Alice remained quiet in thought. So I continued.

"I spoke to Jasper because he seemed to understand me..I didn't say anything to you, who my bond is strongest with because I didn't know how...I was afraid you would hate me."

"So you were just going to leave?" she prodded.

"No...I...maybe." I stuttered.

"I saw it Bella, you left without telling me. Telling anyone."

"Alice, try to understand, Victoria seems to have realized she can use me, she had noticed then giving me memories not only causes me pain but causes you guys pain as well. It's what she wants. I was thinking of leaving in hopes that she would follow."

She stopped me with our still entwined hands, "Bella if you leave because of her she is still using you to cause us grief. You not being here because of her would cause us grief. Don't you get that?"

"I didn't say it wasn't perfect." I replied defensively, "It's a double edged knife - but at least that way it wouldn't be direct."

Alice stared at me, "Of course it would be direct! You stupid girl...if you left you would be causing the pain directly!"

I thought about this for a minute. She was right. The pain I felt when using Jasper's power, and the pain in their eyes when we spoke of my leaving was evidence enough. It just took me a while to realize it. Leaving them now would be devastating to the people who cared for me most. Jasper was right, I had a choice and I had unintentionally chosen wrong without even realizing I had made a choice at all. Really there was no choice - My direction was clear. Jasper and Edward had both pointed it out to me - I had to be proactive.

"I'm sorry Alice." I said as I wrapped her in a tight hug, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

She held me tight as well. "No more secrets Bella. Best friends tell each other everything. We except each other no matter what. Please remember that." she mumbled into my shoulder.

When I released her she smiled and I returned it. "You didn't have to call me stupid." I joked.

She laughed, "Oh I really did. Now let's get going, Edward's idea is great!" I laughed as I figured she had seen a vision of his plan. Just as I was about to use her gift to see it too I paused.

The spicy scent was back.


	18. I'm Coming Home Again

Chapter 18: The Bitch is back.

**Alice:**

Bella and I had finally spoke about our relationship and helped each other figure out what it really meant to be best friends. We were about to head home when she froze in front of me. Immediately on alert I sniffed the air and wheeled around. Bella fell to the ground gasping for air and I crouched low.

Victoria.

I growled and pounced just as Bella's mental image began to blur into my vision. Luckily my speedy movement seemed to shake me out of her immediate unintentional range and I collided fresh eyed into Victoria.

Her snarl ripped into my ears and I growled my own feral snarl at the bitch. Her right hand clawed at my face as we rolled through the muddy ground. I felt twigs snap beneath me and the ground shudder as we tumbled. Immediately we flew apart and gained our footing again. She pounced at me with her teeth barred and I dodged her as I heard a whimper from Bella. Victoria must still be using her powers on her memory as she fought me.

I had to distract her, I had to get her to release Bella. I launched at her and my sharp teeth made contact with her bicep and we flew into a large tree. It groaned and split when we hit it. I chanced a look at Bella to see if the chunk I took out of Victoria's arm had caused her enough pain to release Bella.

Bella was rubbing her temples.

It worked, she was coming around from her memory. Just as I had been about to breath a sigh of relief I felt a cold strong hand wrap around my throat. I choked on unneeded air as she raised me off my feet. I struggled in her strong grip, her eyes wild with rage and her red hair flying in the wind. I kicked out and tried to spin in an attempt to have her release me. But just as I was about to I suddenly went blank.

What was I doing again?

Pain. Lots of pain in my neck as sharp teeth broke my granite skin I screamed in pain as I realized Victoria held me in her clutches. Her venom stinging me as she tore my skin. And then I was released. Something crashed loudly into her and I fell to the ground loudly. I clutched my throat where her venom was still burning me. My eyes landed on the struggling figures now about twenty feet from me.

"Bella!" I croaked, the venom pooling in my mouth. What had Victoria done to me? My free hand rose to my throat finding a gaping hole...the pain rising as panic tore through me, she had ripped into my venom glands. I was vomiting up her venom as my own pored out of my neck. I tried to shove my fingers into the hole to stop the flow when a foot collided with my stomach. Pain flowed from the force of the kick. My strength was beginning to leave me. I was vaguely aware of another loud thunder clap and bodies flying around me, loud screams and grunts of pain when then all fell silent. My vision blurred.

Victoria had killed me.

******************************************************************************

I must have blacked out then because the last thing I remembered was thinking how tragic my death was. How I would never see Jasper again, or any of my family. How crushed Bella would be if I died here in her presence.

"Alice!" I heard an angels voice frantic.

I tried to respond but couldn't.

"Alice. Hold on! Oh God. Please don't...don't leave me. I'm so sorry. What do I do? Tell me what to do!"

It was Bella. _It's okay Bella. This isn't your fault. It barely hurts at all. _I thought.

And then something weird happened. I heard Bella's voice not in my ears but in my mind.

_Alice. Tell me what to do!  
_

_You can start by telling me what you are doing in my head. Am I dreaming?_

_If you are it's a nightmare!_ She yelled again in my mind. _Victoria bit your neck, there is a huge hole there and venom is coming from it. Alice you are turning colder than ever and your skin is almost transparent!_

_I'm dying. _I told her calmly.

_Like Hell you are! Come on! Think! what do I do? There has to be a way! You can't die on me. I need you. You're my sister._ She sounded like she was crying, I imagined my beautiful tragic looking Bella with tears in her eyes. Strangely enough it gave me strength. I couldn't die. She needed me. I had to think. The pain was growing. I was feeling colder than I ever remembered.

_Bella! You're venom. The only hope is putting it into my system. _

_But there's not enough time! There's hardly any of yours left._

_CPR. It keeps the body working for humans when they go unconscious it makes their bodies still function. Try that! It might make the venom travel.  
_

_Okay, this might hurt though. I'm sorry._

_It's okay Bella. I trust you. You can do this._

And then I felt her remove my hands and her own from the hole in my throat. I felt her teeth begin to pierce my body all over, her venom pool at each bite and enter my system. And then her mouth was on my neck. I felt the warmth of the burning liquid calm the icy burn of Victoria's bite. And then I felt her start compressions on my chest.

She alternated the compressions and pooling venom into me.

Slowly I felt the icy burn of Victoria's damage leave me completely. It was working. Bella was saving my life. She stopped the compressions. And then she swept me into her arms. She was carrying me. I could barely feel her movements she was so careful not to jostle me. And then she laid me on the ground again. I could smell something familiar, heard some rustling and then a soft thud beside me. I felt her readjust her body beside me.

"Alice, I'm going to feed you...you need blood." she told me. I tried to answer that I would like some blood. The thirst in my throat was beginning to burn again but I still could not speak.

And then I felt her mouth on my own as warm liquid fell from her mouth to mine. And again and again. I gladly took the liquid and felt much better. Her venom was healing my wounds slowly but the blood would help. It was giving me strength. I felt so much better the more warm blood she gave me.

Finally I was able to open my eyes.

Before me was a the terrified eyes of Bella. She smiled in relief as I opened my eyes.

"I'm going to take you home Alice." she told me and I closed my eyes again. _I trust you. I'm safe with you._ I thought to her.

And I was in her arms again.

**********************************************************************************

**Bella:**

I don't remember being so scared. WHen I saw what Victoria had done to Alice something inside me snapped. Someone else took over as I felt my body react to the sight of her biting Alice, I flew through the air into her and spun in the air grabbing her long fiery hair and throwing her into the ground. I then launched my furious attack of kicks and punches, bites and scatches, unfeeling whenever her teeth ripped through my skin. Unnoticing when she clawed me, uncaring as her own feet and fists landed on my body. I screamed loud as she her venom stung but not enough to stop my attack. She was on the defensive.

She was more experienced and eventually threw me off. I fell back with such force that two trees fell in my wake. I had to ragain my footing at she took off and catch the tree before it landed on an unmoving Alice. I whaled as I was torn in my decision to kill the bitch for good and save my friend. Ultimately it was a low faint groan from Alice that made me choose. I threw the tree away and knelt beside her. She looked dreadful. I shook as I looked over her wounds. Venom was pooling out of the whole in her neck. Victoria had tore a chunk from my tiny friend. I growled and spoke to her.

There was no response so I used the powers I had gained to speak to her in her mind. We came to a solution. Our only chance to save her. I bit and pooled my own venom all over her and watched as it slowly began to heal her.

I did the only other thing I could after that. I fed her. The idea hit me as I thought about how pale and cold she was, more than normal. She needed blood for strength as well.

I only breathed a sigh of relief when Alice opened her eyes.

She was going to be okay.

I picked her up again and took off towards the house. I had never run so fast before. I noticed nothing, I didn't flinch or dodge any of the branches that snapped and stung as they broke on my face as I raced through the woods.

I kicked open the door when I arrived. I only remembered that I was supposed to bring ALice back to plan for Victoria when I saw the entire family stare at me wide eyed at the sight of my carrying Alice's scarred not totally healed body.

They instantly rose, grabbed pillows and blankets and swiftly made a hospital bed on the couch for her. I gently laid her as Jasper landed at her side.

"Bella!"

"Bella what happened!"

"Alice! Is she okay!?"

I couldn't gather who said anything to me. I simply turned and walked back outside. I needed some air.

Someone followed. I felt hands on my back and than a face in front of my eyes.

"Edward." I whispered and sank into his hard comforting chest. His arms wrapped tightly around me.

"Shhhh....it's okay...." his hands rubbed smoothing circles on my back and I began to fall apart in his arms.

The fear. The fear that I had kept at bay in the dangerous frantic situation in the woods finally erupted within me. Broke me. As I wept in his arms.

"You're safe Bella. You're both safe. She's going to live." his voice finally broke through my sobbing.

"I was so scared." I breathed as I choked back more sobs.

"Take your time love. It's okay...we've got plenty of time."

I kept clutched to Edward. His hard body, his comforting arms, his scent that breathed life into me, the electric current that flowed through us as we held onto each other seemed to keep me alive.

We must have been on the front porch for hours because the next time I opened my eyes the sun was out.I breathed in Edward's calming honey scent one more time and unclasped my hands from his back. He release ma but kept one arm around my waist as he guided me to the swinging bench. When we had seated the family came out all except Jasper and Alice who was still on the couch.

They stood quietly as I told them what happened. As I explained the night to them. I explained everything from the yelling match Alice and I had in my room to the cottage and the return home. Nothing went unmentioned nothing lacked detail and no one interrupted. Edward's soothing touch on my back or my hand kept me strong throughout the entire thing.

Silence fell when I finished my story. I was too ashamed to raise my head when I finished. I had put them all in danger and almost lost one of the key fixtures in their family. My best friend Alice.

Suddenly I was pulled to a standing position as Esme crushed me against her in a hug. I then felt Rose, Carlisle and Emmett surround us in a hug as well. They all whispered their thanks to me and then finally released me.

"Don't thank me." I mumbled. "Please don't thank me."

"You saved her life Bella."

"I put her at risk in the first place. Victoria was after me, Alice only attacked to save me!" I pleaded. I had to make them understand. I did this. Essentially she was dying because of me.

Carlisle ran a hand through his golden hair. "Bella, child, Victoria is after the entire family. We killed her mate and she is trying to make us all pay for it. She has just realized that you're the key. None of this is your fault..."

"Bella without your quick action Alice would be dead, you are a hero." Esme told me with a light pat on my arm. Her and Carlisle headed back inside to Alice.

"She'll be okay kiddo. Man, I wished I could have seen you fight her! I hope she looks worse than you!" Emmett laughed.

Rose swiftly slapped the back of his head and he just chuckled some more before heading back inside. "Come on Bella, let's get you cleaned up."

"I'll be up in a sec Rose." I told her and she nodded before heading upstairs and starting the shower for me.

I turned back to Edward. "Thank you." I said.

"Thank you." he said back with a crooked smile. It didn't quite reach his ears though as he looked at me. Then he was standing again and I was in his arms. He squeezed tight as he breathed in my own scent. "I'm so glad you're okay." he whispered.

Then he stepped back and his hands trailed down my shoulders to my arms. He slowly examined me. I looked down to my own arms and realized I was covered in venom bites. They were sparkling brighter than my skin, in an almost glossy way. The half moon scars covered my arms. They were grotesque. I remembered Jasper's tale of his scars. I was now the same way. Marked by my enemy. Scarred physically by my past.

Edward looked sullen as he scanned my painful marks. He found one bite that still hadn't healed completely. I watched silently as he placed my wrist in his mouth, felt his venom and tongue lap against my skin and heal the wound. It was such a tender gesture that I stepped forward, our bodies touching again, I placed my free hand on his right cheek and kissed his left cheek before I turned with one last look and headed upstairs.


	19. Did that just happen?

Chapter 19**  
**

**Bella:**

Alice remained on the couch for what seemed like an eternity. It was killing us all seeing her so still like that when she usually bounces off the walls.

"Is two days normal for her to be...out of it like this?" I asked Edward one day while we sat on the ground together by the couch. Jasper had finally been convinced to leave Alice's side and feed with the rest of them. Edward and I opted to stay behind for him.

"None of this is normal." he replied quietly.

"But shouldn't she be up by now?" I asked worried.

Edward put his arm around my shoulders, "Bella use my gift. Alice is having thoughts...actually she seems more to be dreaming. I think it's just a matter of time before she regains enough strength. She nearly lost all of her venom."

"And that's never happened before?"

"Not to anyone we know. This is a special case. Carlisle has made extensive notes on it."

"But I healed her, my venom and the blood I gave her, she should fully recover!" I whined frantically.

"Yes I believe she will, I think her body is simply saving it's energy up as it replenishes her venom store."

I nodded. This made sense, but it didn't make me feel a whole lot better.

"Still worried?" he asked with a knowing smile.

I nodded again, "I'll believe you when she opens her eyes.." I told him.

Edward's light laughter filled the room. It was a nice change to the near silent vigil we all had been having since Alice and I came home. I smiled as it rang in my ears and eventually joined him in a small chuckle of my own. Alice would wake up. I just didn't know when.

Inspiration hit me as we laughed. I would try to use Alice's gift to find out when she would wake up. I told Edward what I was about to do and he fell silent as he watched me. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn't know how to trigger a vision or even if they could be triggered but I sat still breathing evenly as I waited for something to come. I thought of Alice, imagined her waking up and waited some more. No vision came. Then I lifted my hand and grabbed a hold on Alice's arm behind me. As soon as I made contact I received a vision. I saw her waking, everyone laughing and hugging in celebration welcoming her back.

I snapped out of it with a triumphant smile on my face. I told Edward what I had seen and his face lit up. We couldn't wait until the family came home, that was when it would happen.

Now all we had to do was wait...

************************************

The wait for Jasper and everyone to come home felt much longer than it had actually been. As soon as they arrived he flew through the door and landed at Alice's side. Edward and I decided not to tell them the good news and just stood in the background waiting for the moment to arrive.

Finally it came.

Alice's golden eyes fluttered open.

Everyone jumped in excitement and then immediately left the room to allow Jasper and Alice some privacy. The feelings in the house changed as soon as she woke up. The entire time Jasper was in the house I had to be on my toes balancing his worry with calmness on everyone. But now we were both sending out just about the happiest excited feelings there had ever been.

Alice's laughter echoed through the house. It was music to our ears. Everyone's face lit up as we heard her bell like voice ring.

Eventually we all made our way back into the family room where she was now sitting up in Jasper's lap.

She hugged Esme, Carlisle and Rose, punched Emmett in the arm. Then it was Edward's turn.

"Good to have you back sis." he said as he held her.

While they welcomed her back I left the room. I had to get some air. I stood in the sun on the front porch and breathed deep. She was okay. She was alright. Alice was fine. I kept repeating that she was okay to myself. I still didn't believe.

I heard someone approaching from behind. It was Alice I could tell by the scent and the floaty footsteps she took. Like a ballerina. "Bella? Are you okay?" she said as I turned to see her.

She was standing. Two days of seeing her on her back had broken me. It was then that I noticed just how worried I had been about her, just how frantic and tight I felt. Like I was carrying around a 747 on my back. Seeing her standing before me lifted the weight off me, it fell as I crossed the gap and grabbed her in a tight hug.

"I'm so glad you're okay." I told her. The sincerity dripping on my words.

Alice's laugh tinkled in my ears, "Bella thank you. You were wonderful out there."

I stepped back, "Alice it was all you, you're brilliant quick thinking that saved you." I told her.

She laughed again and my smile grew, "Well _I am_ sort of a genius! But I mean you were like Wonder Woman and Batgirl combined out there! You kicked Bitchtoria's ass _and_ saved mine!"

I rolled my eyes. "You be the brain, I'll be the brawn." I joked.

Alice's face fell as she looked at me. She stepped closer and examined my arms and neck. The scars glossy in the sunlight. "Bella..she bit you so many times..." she whispered.

I pushed her hair back from her face, "I know. I'm alright. It was totally worth it." Alice looked up now to see my face, I smiled reassuringly, "Besides these aren't as bad as the hickey on your neck." I joked, referring to the lasting mark left by Victoria and me. The mark that would remind us all of what we almost lost that day.

Alice's worry left her face as she laughed again and then I pushed her inside to check the mirror.

"Fix you're hair." I teased as I left her shocked face in the mirror and headed upstairs. I heard her mutter a swear word as I left followed by a small laughter coming from Edward's room.

I knocked when I reached it.

"Come in Bella." he said.

I walked in to find him on his black leather couch sorting through some cd's.

"So," I said as I plopped down beside him, "now that that's all taken care of - do you wanna tell me you're brilliant plan?"

"Well," he said still looking at the cd's in his hand, "maybe we should wait a couple of days. It has been sort of hard on you these last few."

"Or, how about you tell me now so we can get started."

Edward finally looked at me now. His eyes were filled with worry, "Bella.." he started and I cut him off.

"Edward, if she comes back I want to be ready! Now tell me what you idea is." I said firmly.

He looked at me for a moment longer. "Okay. Well I was thinking that in order to be ready for her we should practice."

"Practice what?" i asked confused.

"Well I think we should have you practice controlling your emotions when you are reminded of things..." he said slowly.

I nodded. Now I understood why he was afraid to say anything. He was worried I wouldn't be able to control myself. Worried I would unleash my wrath on them all again.

I felt him place his hand over mine, "Bella I don't want her to hurt you."

"You mean you don't want me to hurt you." I said looking away and thinking about how I had made him and Emmett suffer in the driveway only a few days ago.

Edward placed a hand on my cheek and made me look at him, "No, that's not it. I want you to be in control so she can't hurt you. The memories she throws at you devastate you each time, I see it happen, I can see it now in your eyes, I see it every time you look at me. I don't want that to happen anymore. If you are able to build a wall between how you feel and the memories she shows you then you should be able to fight her."

I looked deep into his smoldering eyes. It really was me he was worried about. He didn't care if I projected my feelings on him, his concern was keeping me from harm. My heart melted as I looked at him. I almost kissed him right there but caught myself. I couldn't confuse my feelings for him anymore than I already had. I had to focus now. He was right, Victoria was our target and i had to train myself to defend against her mind games.

"Well how do we get started?" I asked.

He thought for a moment. "I think...I think we should start by going back through the memories she had already given you."

I looked at him fearfully. I didn't want to remember that stuff.

"Bella it's all that we can go on right now. You don't remember anything else."

"I'm scared." I whispered.

"I know, but I'll be right here with you." he told me.

"But if I can't control myself, I'll end up projecting out again." I told him.

He swallowed as he remembered the incident in the driveway. "I know. That's fine."

I shook my head. "I don't want to put you through that. I don't know what t is exactly that I feel for you but I know I don't want to make you hurt like that ever again." I told him, my voice barely audible.

He smiled his crooked smile for me, "Bella, don't worry about me. I'm not letting you do this alone. Besides how will we know whether you're projecting or not without a test dummy?"

Despite my fear I laughed at his joke. "Okay," I said, "But let's get out of the house, I don't want any casualties." I told him jokingly.

*************************************************************************************

**Edward:**

Bella was being so brave.

I could see the toll our training was taking on her, but she kept working. Kept pushing herself with very few breaks to control her emotions. Each time she focused on a memory her knees buckled and her face contorted with pain. Eventually the pain I felt as she remembered started to lessen. Each time I felt less hurt and sorrow as she focused.

"You're doing it Bella." I told her. "You're doing great." I encouraged, breathing heavily as she focused again. The pain was almost all gone now. I could just barely feel it. "Bella, you're doing it." I told her again.

Finally the memory came to her and I felt nothing, no pain gripped me, just excitement as I watched her. She was a pillar of strength now, her knees would not buckle this time, her eyes only fluttered slightly, Bella was ready. I stayed silent thought allowing Bella to cope through it and realize she could do it all on her own. She was in control now. Victoria would meet her maker and Bella would come out just fine.

Suddenly Bella's eyes flew open. She looked at me with a huge grin on her face. I returned it with one of my own.

"I did it!"

"You did it." I agreed as she bounded excitedly into my arms.

"Thank you Edward." she said, "I couldn't have done it without you."

"Yes you could." I disagreed.

Bella shook her head and stepped back, "No, I couldn't have. Having you here with me, hearing your voice, knowing that you were there gave me hope. You gave me strength to overcome the pain."

It was my turn to shake my head. "Bella, all of the memories she has given you have been painful because of me. Understand that being with you so very long ago endangered your life. James pursued you because of me, Jasper nearly killed you because of me, I left because of me! All of your painful memories are because of me. I am not your strength, I'm your kryptonite."

Bella stared at me wide eyed. She seemed to be thinking. She seemed to be caught between a decision. _Finally, _I thought, _she realizes that I am the monster._ This made me happy but it also made me sad. Happy because Bella could finally let go but sad because I didn't want her to...

We stood two feet a part for a very long time. We just stared into eachother's eyes as she worked it all out in her head. I waited patiently for whatever barrage of insults she could throw at me. I waited for her to release all her pain and anger on me.

She finally blinked a few times and swallowed.

"Edward..." she said in a gruff quiet voice. "I think I love you."


	20. Old rusty

Chapter 20

**Bella:**

Did I really just say that out loud?

Did I just come to terms with what I feared for so many days?

Did I just tell Edward Freakin' Cullen that I loved him?

...Holy shit I did. I really did.

The look on his face told me I did. His mouth hung open, his eyes were wide and he stood rooted on the spot.

I swallowed and cleared my throat. I wanted him to say something. I wanted him to say he loved me. I wanted to kiss his frozen lips. Inhale his sweet honey scented breath and be held in his marble grip. And I also wanted to scream. Scream and run away, run from the fear of rejection, run away from the awkwardness that was coming...

But I did nothing.

I stood there looking at him looking at me.

Finally he seemed to come out of it. His mouth closed. His eyes remained wide though. They were deep honey topaz, smoldering, telling me he wanted me but there was also doubt there. Confusion as he stared into my wide fear filled eyes.

"Bella...think about this." he said slowly.

"Think about what?" I asked confused, was I not clear? Did he really think I didn't know what I was saying. "There's nothing to think about, I love you... I'm _in_ love with you."

"Bella...you can't love me," he stammered quietly.

That was not the reply I was looking for. "Why not?" I asked rudely. Rejection did not suit me.

He screwed up his eyes as he looked at me incredulously, "Why not? Why not!? Why _would_ you love me? I'm no good for you, I constantly put you in danger! Nothing good comes from me... Every memory you have of me is proof that I'm no good. You nearly died everyday as a human _with me_, you are _dead_ now because I _left_, and you are being stalked by a crazy vampire woman because of me! Trust me Bella, I am you're...I'm you're... kryptonite. I am a monster. There is no logical reason for you to be in love with me." he finally finished, his self hatred evident. His eyes distant and pain filled.

I took a step forward. My heart was breaking, it wasn't me he was turning down - it was himself.

"Edward...how can you say that? Everything I know about you is good. You're loving and kind, generous and strong. You're not a bad person, you're the very best person... And we're all monsters. We are the stuff of make-believe."

"The stuff of nightmares.."

"You're wrong you know." I told him quietly.

He simply looked at me with doubt in his eyes.

"You're wrong... The memories I have of you are not all bad. I remember the bad ones Victoria has given me yes, but I also have new ones. Ones filled with light and happiness. A light that has breached the darkness I've felt for so long - a light that has blinded me." I smiled at him reassuringly, brushed my hand along his jaw line before continuing.

"There is a happiness I don't feel with anyone but you. I remember spending an entire night caught up in a dance, an entire day spent in a meadow just listening to music, a day and a half holding each other, comforting each other through the dark. I remember kissing you. I remember wanting to kiss you. I remember an uncanny electricity that flows whenever I touch you, having you holding my hand when I'm afraid, guiding me when I'm lost and supporting me when I have to face the pain of my past. You're wrong." I said stepping forward again and placing my hands in his. I smiled as I felt the electricity flow through our bodies.

"You're not bad for me Edward. You are the very best thing for me. There is a very logical reason for me to love you and that is only because I do. I love you Edward...I do. I loved you then for the man you were and I love you now - not for the man you used to be but for the man you are. The man I know, trust and treasure...with all my heart." I finished and then kissed him. I kissed him with as much feeling as I could. His lips parted with mine, we molded against each other and he held me. My hands tangled in his golden hair, my eyes opened as I looked deep into his own. We smoldered together.

***********************************************************************************

We walked back to the house at a human pace. Our hands entwined.

"Are you sure about this Bella. You can always take it back..." he said to me for the fifth time.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm going to make you eat dirt if you say that again."

He laughed, and gave up. "Fine. Fine. I just want you to be sure."

"I've never been more sure about anything in my life." I told him truthfully.

"Alice is going to fly through the roof."

"If she isn't already." I laughed. "Now all we have to do is kill the wicked witch."

"And live happily ever after?" he laughed. The sound making me feel like I could fly.

"And live happily ever after." I confirmed.

And then a loud shriek and the sound of broken glass filled our ears. We sprinted back to the house from where we were.

"What's wrong?" we said in unison as we flew into the kitchen.

Alice was there, a broken vase at her feet, Esme clutching the roses in her hands and both staring at us.

I realized our hands were entwined still and I smiled sheepishly.

Alice squealed again and hugged me awkwardly as Edward wouldn't release my hand. Esme followed after realizing what it meant and then quickly cleaned up the mess.

"I can't believe it!" Alice squealed excitedly.

"What you didn't see this coming?" Edward asked.

"No! I mean yes, I saw eventually it would happen, like waaay down the road! But just now I saw the two of you holding hands and ohhhh you're in love!!!" she chirped and kissed me on the cheek before bounding off no doubt to find Rose and gossip.

"I'm so happy for you two." Esme chimed in as she swept the floor.

"You're okay with this?" I asked cautiously. I wasn't sure if she would accept us, considering I still had very little memory of our previous relationship.

Esme laughed. "Of course dear. I saw you two blossom so long ago and have watched the relationship bloom since you had come home. I'm thrilled you've found each other again. I know we all are, we've been waiting a very long time for the family to be whole again."

After many explanations on how Edward and I had figured out how to defend against Victoria and how we ended up in a relationship again we finally began to get back to living.

He and I spent almost every second together since coming home. We went to our meadow, for drives in his car and just hung out at the house. We would read to each other, play video games with the family, just sit and watch the sunset and sit and wait for the sunrise.

We were perfectly content. Even in silence.

Edward showed me the boundaries for the Cullen's and the wolves in La Push as well as bringing me through our old high school. Edward had also taken me to a few of his favourite music stores in Seattle where we sat for hours listening to everything from John Coltrane's best jazz to a man named Snoop Dog who had particularly repulsive lyrics. I was surprised when Edward and I both preferred Coltrane to Snoop. And even more surprised when I realized how much we had in common. We each had old souls. The more we talked the more I thought about what Alice had said about him and I being soul mates. I was starting to really believe it.

After the music shops he would then let me lead the way to about a hundred different book stores between Forks and the city. Since giving me the Jane Austen novel I had discovered that I had a love for books and he was so patient with me while I perused the isles in silence. The few times I did speak when we were with the books were to ask his opinion. At first I was just ending the awkward silence, when I realized I was too interested in the books, but I came to realize that I was really interested in his point of view on different authors or genres. I liked when we had things in common and found that I even enjoyed the times we didn't. It allowed us each to voice why we liked or didn't like something, it was healthy to disagree, and sometimes even fun.

"I could argue with you forever." I joked after a particularly heated day of disagreeing.

**********************************************************************************

Alice danced excitedly into Edward's room. She took me from his iron embrace and pulled me to her own room.

"Alice?" I questioned as I looked around.

"Quiet Bella." she said and I piped down, the fear taking hold.

There were clothes everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE.

"Alice I don't like this." I said nervously.

"Tough." She said simply and started holding every single article of clothing she could up to me.

"What exactly is the occasion?" I pressed as she threw the first three tops on the ground.

"Well today you we are going to the city." she said.

"In the city to do what?"

Now she was prodding me as she held up pants and skirts to my waist. "Well it would hardly be a surprise if I told you now would it?"

"I hate surprises."

"Which is exactly why I didn't warn you that this was coming."

I rolled my eyes, "And the clothes are a big deal?"

"No, I just wanted to play.." Alice laughed.

"Alice!" I exclaimed and pushed her playfully. "You're terrible!" And I stalked out of the room.

"You could have warned me!" I yelled at Edward when I walked into his room again to find him laughing.

"What and miss the look on your face?"

I growled playfully and pounced on him pinning him to the leather sofa. "So are you going to tell me what's going on today?"

He gave me his crooked smile, "Not a chance." The next thing I new he was pinning me and kissing me tenderly in between laughs.

*********************************************************************************

They kept me in the dark all morning. I couldn't even figure it out when I tried to use Edward's gift. They were all very careful not to think about the day's events. I was getting increasingly frustrated. Which only seemed to amuse Edward. Every time I huffed about hating surprises he would chuckle and flash me my favourite smile.

Finally I saw Edward make to grab the keys to his new black Lexus.

"Oh finally!" I said.

He froze, "Any chance you are excited?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, "No, I'm just sick of waiting!"

"Oh Bella, suck it up!" Alice said pushing me towards the door.

We drove insanely fast out of town and into Seattle. Carlisle and Esme stayed behind for some time alone. Rose and Emmett took the BMW and Jasper and Alice came with us. There were a few high speed races down the highway but Alice quickly put a stop to it when she saw a police radar trap ahead.

When we finally got into city we sped through all the normal shopping stops and rolled right into a nondescript building downtown. It was vacant for the most part, and I looked around wondering what we were doing at such a place. "Edward?" I asked when he parked.

He just smiled as Jasper got out of the car and headed inside. The rest of us waited outside for him.

An hour later Jasper came out with a huge grin on his face. I kept glancing confusedly at everyone but no one told me what was going on. Finally Edward got out of the car and Alice, Rose, Emmett and I followed to meet Jasper.

Jasper handed me a brown envelope and I opened it slowly. Everyone was beaming at me as I pulled out a Driver's Liscence and a passport.

"Isabella Cullen." I read the name and looked at the picture. A huge smile coming to my face.

"Welcome to the family!" Rose and Alice squealed together and hugged me.

"Officially." the boys laughed.

"You guys...wow." I said. I couldn't think of anything else to say. I was so touched and so unsuspecting. It was such a simple but nice gesture to have my own ID and travels papers.

Alice rolled her eyes and pulled me towards the car after Edward hugged me tightly.

"Obviously that's not the only surprise!" Alice said as she slammed the car door behind me.

I shook my head but kept the smile wide on my face. I was so insanely happy. Nothing could possibly top that surprise. Edward held my hand as he wove through traffic until finally we pulled into a parking lot.

Edward parked in front of an old truck and hopped out gracefully.

He pulled me from the car with a big grin on his face.

"Bella, this is your other surprise." He stepped back and waved his hand in front of the truck. "It's a burnt orange, '57 Chevy truck...just like you had when you first came to Forks...perfectly restored."

I stared at him.

"Mine?" I said as he slowly led me to the driver's side.

I climbed inside and just felt the new leather seats, smooth steering wheel and stick shift.

"It's perfect." I said.

"Almost exactly like before." he said as he climbed in beside me and handed me the keys.

I inhaled, the sweet leather scent filled my nose and combined with an odd peppermint and smoke scent.

I took a couple more breaths. "I almost remember..."

Edward put his hand in mine after I started the ignition.

His face lit up as the sound filled our ears. "It's got a brand new engine...Rose has been rebuilding it for weeks. It's now able to keep up with the cars of this generation." he joked as I pulled out ahead of the other cars.


	21. Finding Alice

Chapter 21**  
**

**Bella:**

Deliriously happy.

That was the only way to describe myself lately.

Edward and I were a couple. Loving, caring and totally happy. We still hadn't figured out the physical side of our relationship yet - I was adamant about being able to remember our _entire_ life together before such an act as sex took place and I knew Edward enough to know he was more old-fashioned and such and act would require a certain ring on a certain finger - but emotionally and intellectually - we were right there - In the prime of our unnatural lives.

"Two pieces of a whole." Edward said to me one evening.

"And I'm holding the very best part." I said in a sultry tone as I sqeezed Edward tighter.

He chuckled darkly, so sexy, "I would beg to differ."

I looked him in the eye and made a point to roll mine, "I knew you would."

We spent countless hours each day just sitting in each other's embrace. I would compare us to Jasper and Alice in the way that we need only to look in each other's eyes to be home, but even though we were definitely not as PDA as Rose and Emmett, we still needed some form of physical contact at almost all times. I noticed it as time since our coming together progressed, I would situate myself around Edward and when he moved I involuntarily did as well. We were like magnets always sending currents out to each other, drawing the other in.

"What are you thinking about love?"

"You." I said simply, smiling and planting a kiss on his lips.

"Care to elaborate?" he flashed his crooked grin. He dazzled me with his breath. I couldn't deny him.

"I was just thinking about us, it still amazes me."

He nuzzled my neck as I continued.

"Just thinking about the way we are, it's so natural, talking to you is natural. I love it. But we're also unnatural - we're like magnets. When you move, I move unconsciously to see you better or feel you better...it's amazing."

"I know what you mean." Edward murmured against my neck and I felt his tongue dart out as he spoke.

"Are you happy Edward?" I asked him quietly.

"Ecstatic Bella, I've never felt more complete. When you were human I had to be so careful with every movement around you, so careful not to hurt you, I couldn't be myself really...now I can and be accepted... you don't know how that feels or what it means to me. Priceless."

"Oh Edward, I'm so happy. Deliriously. Hopelessly. It's thrilling...but also terrifying at the same time." I added.

He smiled at me, concern in his eyes at my admission on the end, "How so Bella?"

I paused and twined our hands together, really enjoying and milking in our position. Me in his lap, entangled around him. I shook my head. "Never mind. It's not important." I said not wanting to ruin the moment.

"Bella, tell me?" Edward pleaded.

I shook my head again and decided now was the time to change the subject. "Come on, lets go downstairs. I want to talk to Alice. I have an idea." I jumped lively out of his embrace and pulled him up by the hand. I pulled him out of the room but he stopped me just outside it.

"Bella, please tell me." his breath was cool and sweet on my lips, his face so close to mine, he was dazzling me...

I leaned forward involuntarily, aching to kiss him, losing my train of thought but I mentally slapped myself and backed my head off a bit, he wasn't playing fair, "I...not today Edward...can you just leave it for now? I'm too happy. I Don't want to spoil it. Let's not spoil it with nonsense."

He seemed to drop it at my request, his worried eyes raked my face. I kissed him chastely. "We're okay." I promised and thankfully he allowed me to tow him downstairs. I could tell by his worried glances that he would not forget to push the subject later.

"BElla! that's an awesome idea!" Alice squealed loudly before I had even located her on the main level.

I playfully pushed Edward into the love seat to watch some football nonsense with his brothers and traipsed off to find my friend.

"Alice?" I called out. "Marco?" I joked.

I heard her tinkling laugh, "Polo!" she answered and I followed the sound to the study.

I found her sitting at the desk with books strewn across it and hanging up the phone.

"What are you doing Al?" I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Well now that everything is right in the world...well you and Edward are together - I thought I would start my other project."

"You're first project was getting Edward and I together?" I quipped.

"No silly, my _first_ project was finding you and making you and all of us whole again. My _second_ project was you and my dear brother. My _third _project was working on my past."

I rolled my eyes and quickly crossed the room. "Thanks Alice. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you." I gave her a hug and kiss.

Alice laughed and shrugged, "Eh, I saved your life - you saved mine - we're even." She joked.

I put my arm on her shoulder. "You're past?" I asked, "I thought you couldn't remember anything?"

"I can't, I just have tidbits to go on."

"Where'd the tidbits come from?"

"James." she swallowed. "He sort of told you that I was his first prey that got away...he basically gave me some background info to go on...I was in an asylum for visions."

I nodded quietly. I hated not being able to remember. I wasn't sure if Alice was sad or upset or anything with the 'tidbits' he gave her. "I...Alice what can I do to help?"

"Well right now I'm making calls to Asylums and trying to track down my records."

"Say no more. I'm on it." I sat down on the floor beside her and pulled out my new iPhone Edward had bought me. Alice handed me one of the laptops from a drawer and we both got to work on tracking places down.

We took a break after a couple hours and began to whisper about my great idea from earlier. We were sorting out some details for it and booking things before getting back to our research project. We spent hours locked in that study. I began to miss Edward and his touch but I had to stick through it for Alice. He was in the next room after all. I think I could be strong enough to help my best friend and survive the 30 foot separation right? Just for fun I decided to send him a mental message. I sent him an image of us kissing...he must have enjoyed it because I heard him sigh appreciatively.

Finally I jumped up from the floor. "Yes sir, thank you so much!" I hung up my cell. Then I gave an Alice worthy shriek of excitement and Alice hung up her phone mid sentence.

"You found something!?" she peeped jumping up from her chair and grabbing my arms.

"I found something!"

We started jumping up and down and my cell broke into a hundred pieces against the wall thanks to Alice's enthusiasm. "I'll buy you a new one!" she laughed as she waved her hand nonchalantly at the mess. "What did you find!?"

By this time we had an audience. The whole family was watching us through the doorway with smirks on their faces.

I stopped jumping.

"I found you! In this place..." I pointed at the name of the Asylum. "According to the Asylum's records you were born around 1901 in Biloxi, Mississippi, and you were there because of your premonitions. You were lucky really...not long before that they had burned people for such things....anyways - Then I called the local library there and they checked the microfiche. You're parents weren't of the society to be mentioned a lot but their wedding was in there. He said the date you were admitted to the asylum was the date of your announced death...sorry about that... and the man went on to tell me you had a little sister named Cynthia, and that Cynthia's daughter, your niece, was still alive in Biloxi."

I watched Alice warily. I wasn't sure how she would react at such news. She was unnaturally quiet. I couldn't help but glance nervously at the scar on her neck. Alice wasn't the same after that day with Victoria. Sure she was still spunky and excitable...but there was a tainted part of her now...a part full of darkness left from the beast that attacked us in the woods. A darkness we didn't often see but were all extremely aware of. None of us were really sure how deep she had been affected by her near death experience...

A tiny body was suddenly clinging to me. She hugged me tightly and once out of my thoughts I reciprocated. "Thanks Bella." she said as I hugged her tightly. Her voice was unnaturally choked up. I realized that she wasn't just hugging me to celebrate, she was hugging me until she regained her composure, and I was glad to assist her anyway I could. "Anytime Al." I whispered only for her and rubbed her back gently.

Finally she pulled herself from me and winked slyly. She turned to our family. "Bella and have planned a surprise trip." she announced.

I laughed when she finished. I was not expecting her to change the subject after such a revelation about her past and laughed even louder when I realized no one else had either. There mouths hung open and eyes were wide. Then we all started to laugh."Pack bathing suits and snow gear!" Alice chirped as she danced out of the room with Jasper in tow.

I knew she was going to go discuss things with him, her soul mate. They were going to talk things out and figure out if Alice wanted to return to her birthplace or not. I wished so badly that I could help her out, but I didn't know what I could do more for her. I had tracked her old life down but that was it, I couldn't bring back her memories...I could only lead her to the source of them.

Or could I?

If I figured out Victoria's power...I could absorb it...I could use it...I could help out Alice! I could help Edward remember his mother more clearly, something I knew he wanted dearly. I could be a source of comfort to my new family, comfort instead of worry and impending death and/or memory loss.

"Bella? Where's your head at love?" Edward's voice rang in my ears.

I snapped out of it and found him leaning on the door jam watching me. I smiled and he did the same after a moment. "Will she be okay?" I asked.

He nodded, "She's processing it all. She hasn't really decided how she feels about it yet."

_And the Victoria near death thing?_ I asked him in my head.

"Same." He answered.

"I wish I could help her."

"She'll come to you when she is ready. If anyone understands coming out of the darkness it's you. She'll find you Bella."

Suddenly I remembered how much I missed him. And in no time at all I had crossed the room and was clutching to him, his strong arms wrapped around me. "I missed you." I murmered into his stone chest.

I felt his chest rumble as he laughed. "Is it sad that we were 30 feet away all day and still missed each other?"

"Yes!" I heard Emmett's booming voice and laughter fill the house.

"Rose!" I called out. A moment later I heard the sound of something very hard hitting Emmett and his resulting whine. "What was that?" I asked Edward.

"It sounded like a wrench." he said and laughed again.

"I love your laugh." I sighed, "It's one of those things I wish I could bottle up and just take it out whenever I need it."

I looked up at him and he smiled, "One of those things?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, "Well obviously I'd take your scent to calm me, your eyes to ignite me, your mess of a hairdo to play with, your touch to guide me, your lips to kiss me, your chest to lean on, your butt 'cause..wow.." I started a list, but before I could finish his lips crashed into mine.

When he pulled away his eyes were smoldering again, "I'd take your heart." he whispered.

"It's already yours." I told him serenly before kissing him again.


	22. Irrational Fears and Irrational Thoughts

Here's one with a bit of angst because - well it's what I do and let's face it Bitchtoria is still out there causing trouble. Thanks for reading and reviewing! It means so much to me! Sorry for the mistakes, I worked all day with a migraine and am not fixing this lol Also sorry for cutting it a bit short - I wanted to have a head start on the next chapter...

Chapter 22

We were all packed and ready to go by mid afternoon the next day. Our spontaneous trip was easy to pack for. Ski suits and bathing suits were required - the rest was up to us... Well the rest was up to _them_ - Alice still packed my suitcase for me. I wasn't even allowed to enter Edward's room when she was rifling through my clothes - this was of course to prevent me pulling out the more racey garments that she threw in there.

Regardless of Alice's tantrum after, Edward let me throw some of my choices in with his clothes. A fact that I was most thrilled with, even after Alice stuck her tongue out at me and stomped out of the room.

We rented a limo to take us and our things to the airport. Everyone tried guessing where we were headed but none of them got it right. We told Rose in secret what was going on because she wanted to be able to pack appropriate dirty surprises for Emmett, it was easier and less disgusting just to tell her rather than her fill us in on her ideas and then choose which ones were appropriate. Everyone else was in the dark about our plans.

Alice was successfully keeping her mind on other things like singing Possibility by Sierra Noble or picturing Jasper in a cops uniform to prevent Edward from seeing our plans. They all shot comments of excitement and frustration at our refusal to divulge anything but I ignored them. I was too content, I sat in his lap and stroked his cheek, ran my fingers through his beautiful hair. I was pleased when I was able to distract him from his frustration with Alice, and even more pleased when a pleasant growl, almost a purring sound came from deep withing at my handiwork. Every now and then he would nuzzle my neck or place soft kisses on any part of me his mouth could reach.

Eventually our little flirtations became a game. I attempted to dazzle him to occupy him, he dazzled me to get the plans out of me. He would lean close, his cool breath across my lips, his aroma filling me, calming me into a false sense of mind, his gentle hands moving across my thigh or cheek at the right moments, "Will you tell me?" he breathed. No less than 6 times did Alice have to slap my knee - hard - to keep me from falling prey to his actions.

"You Mr. Cullen are too good at this." I told him when we exited the limo at the airport.

He merely smiled and began to drag the suitcases behind him. "ME? You're one to talk!"

I stopped walking abruptly. Edward ran into me, catching me before I hit the ground. "Bella?"

"Sorry Edward, what were you saying? I zoned out there."

"Blood?" He asked quietly, he looked concerned as he watched the humans around us.

"Hmm? Oh yeah.." I fibbed. "I'm okay, it just hit me all at once. I didn't breath until I came in and the doors closed."

He looked at me strangely and then shrugged, "Gee Bella, maybe I am too good at dazzling you." and he picked up the bags and continued.

I hastly looked around. Truth was I completely forgot what I was doing...and that could only mean one thing.

Victoria was here.

She was following us.

Hiding in plain sight.

The cocky bitch. I had to give her credit, she was relentless. Always on our heels, always present at the precise moments when I am most happy or most vulnerable. My time with Edward these past few days had been wonderful - I felt normal, whole, loved. I had forgotten that we were all still in very real danger - prey to a flaming headed vixen. Revenge was on her tongue and we were providing her with tasty treats every day. Our choices to live a normal life until we had to deal with her was just what she wanted...we were giving her ammo every single day.

I didn't like it. But what was I going to do? Tell them? Warn them...it seemed right but...I couldn't tell Edward, and they surely would. The last time I mentioned her name he flipped out - sure on the outside he seemed calm, cool and collected but I could see it in his eyes - he was freaking out. He held me as we lay listening to his records, I saw him trying to protect me - his mind branching out in a thousand directions, stretching his ability to find her thoughts - testing to see if she was in his range. The entire time I just watched him. I said nothing. Did nothing to quell his fears - I merely distracted him. I couldn't bare to see him so worried - so frustrated with himself and his inability to protect not only me but all of us.

Was that it really though? Was I really distracting him? No...I was protecting him. I didn't want him anywhere near her. I knew her power to incapacitate someone with a single memory - I knew her ability to take away a thought process as soon as it was committed to memory - she was a deadly weapon. A _practiced_ deadly weapon. One that would act with out remorse, without conscience. She would destroy him. And I knew her vengeful side well enough by now to know that she would do it not by killing him...no she would toy with him first, mess with his head, mess with our relationship before finishing him off. It would be the worst kind of torture for both of us.

And after him she would move on to the rest of my family. And I knew what she had in mind for me.

I was to be left alone. With my memories intact, able to see them all clearly in my mind, remember each laugh, smile and breath. I would be left to mourn. Mourn until I eventually gave in and lost my mind...mourn until I took my own life.

I voyed then not to allow it. Not for me...for them. I couldn't bare for them to be hurt. I couldn't tell them she was close, they would try to fight her, no questions asked. They would hunt her...and she would tear them down one by one...

No I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't tell them.

I wouldn't mention anything to _him_ unless truly necessary.

She would not get her revenge through him.

Play your game Victoria, go ahead and follow us...you will have to go through me to get to him...to get to them.

**********************************************************************************

"Are you sure you're okay?" Edward asked me from his leather seat.

We were on the private jet tarmat waiting for our turn to take-off. I glanced at him as I looked through my observation window. "Mmhmm, I'm fine." I lied. My eyes scanning the runways.

She had to be there somewhere. Our private jet was not up on the teleprompter - it wasn't public knowledge where we were headed - hell most of the people on this flight didn't know where we were going. She would have to do some major detective work to find our location...there was no way she would risk being on the plane with us. We would smell her even through the cargo hold.

"Bella, you're not telling me the truth." Edward whispered low enough so only I heard. Everyone was paired off with their mates. Enjoying the excitement of our trip and here he and I were...me lying through my teeth and he worrying relentlessly.

"I am. I'm fine Edward." I said agian, this time not looking at him. I thought I could see flaming hair in the observation deck in the distance.

"Bella, you won't even look at me. I know something is up." he said putting his hand on mine.

I looked at him. "I'm fine."

He looked hurt. "Bella."

"Edward...just drop it, okay? Now is not the time." I nearly hissed, removing my hand from his and brushing the hair out of my eyes. I was glancing at his family, I didn't want them to be worried. The plane was starting up now, we were moving down the runway. I went back to looking out the window. I tried to remove the scalding image of Edward's hurt filled eyes from my brain. But I couldn't every time I closed my eyes they were there. His tortured face wondering what was wrong, questioning me, being hurt by my crassness. His eyes were begging me to be truthful. I swallowed the venom that was pooling in my mouth. I grimaced as it went down. Had that just been a vampire-like throw up? Hurting Edward was making me sick to my stomache?

That gave me an idea.

I put my hand back in his and glanced at him. He was still staring at me questioningly, the hurt still stung in his eyes. "I'm scared of flying." I lied to him.

"Bella this was your idea." he reminded me, his face still questioning, suspicious almost.

"Yes, but is my irrational fear of planes enough to hold back this family from a well deserved trip?" I said sweetly. Almost in my joking tone. I swallowed the venom again. Lying to him was not fun. I hated myself with every syllable that came out of my mouth.

The more distant I was being towards him and the more short I was with him - the more hurt he was getting. The more his questions bubbled. The more he worried.

My white lies were keeping him safe. I had to remind myself.

I kept my hand in Edward's for the entire flight. He stroked my hair as we chatted. I assumed he was trying to keep my mind from my 'fear', but somewhere deep down I knew he didn't believe me.

When we finally landed it was dark outside. We were on a private airstrip and we all headed right from our plane straight for a helicopter. We piled in - a little cramped with Emmett's massive size squished in the middle, "Cozy." he quipped putting his arm around Rose, who rolled her eyes but smiled at him lovingly.

When we finally arrived at the roof of our destination, we all hurriduly climbed out of the cramped space. Carlisle tipped the pilot before grabbing his and Esme's suitcases. We all grabbed our and followed him to the edge of the building.

I took a huge deep breath when we reached the edge. It was still nightime but the moon shone bright in the sky. We were on a mountain...we were on a house built into the side of a mountain. I looked around as everyone took in the fabulous view. The peaks were covered in snow and we could see fresh powder along the private runs.

"Beautiful." Esme breathed. "Bella, Alice, you girls could not have picked a better spot."

Everyone murmered their agreements as we continued to look at the view. It was literally breathtaking. No one moved from their perch or spoke louder than a whisper. The cool night air whipped it's brisk breath around us, it was like a cool breeze to our already frigid skin. It was refreshing.

I drank it in. I allowed it to clear my head, cleanse my soul and try and forget about lying to Edward and fighting Victoria.

Alice's tiny hand made it's way into my left one. "Brilliant idea sis." she whispered and kissed me on the cheek.

"Alice, you're the one that's outdone yourself. This place is perfect...truly amazing." I breathed.

Her tinkling laugh rang across the wide open space before us. "You haven't even seen inside yet!"


End file.
